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100% Many of them act like they're better
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take a good look at how he treats his...
80% “Let your actions do your talking
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67% Money and success don’t change
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already there.
21% Freedom is slavery; war is peace;
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on Hidden Cam "Resist Everything.
Every...
This came out in 1988, on a public telly
channel, when I was twelve. I bet
certain...
This should be a question, well.. Oh,
**** it. Rammstein? That should suffice.
Girls just wanna have fun right? like
um like totally like right
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Top Comment
Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone?
He was hit by a truck.
+189192353 See / Add Replies
Anonymous
Comments
A man walks into a bar.
His alcoholism is ruining his family.
+141144320 Reply
In response to “A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is...”
A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Why the long face?"
He says, "My wife has terminal cancer."
+7980112 Reply
In response to “A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says...”
A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse did not reply because horses can't talk.
+924152 Reply
Anonymous
In response to “A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says...”
Note how nearly every single one of the anti-jokes on this page are stolen from Anti-Joke.com.
+11176 Reply
knock knock
who's there?
to
to who?
to whom.
+616435 Reply
In response to “knock knock who's there? to to who? to whom.”
http://www.amirite.net/540605/1117145
+781 Reply
bro
A man walks into a bar when his friend shouts "DUCK!" too late.
+27303 Reply
In response to “A man walks into a bar when his friend shouts...”
(Chauncy Pickles): Dip, Dive, Dodge, and Duck again!
+264 Reply
In response to “(Chauncy Pickles): Dip, Dive, Dodge, and Duck...”
No. It's Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive, and, um, dodge.
+8102 Reply
Anonymous
In response to “No. It's Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive, and, um, dodge.”
But he started with duck! So you have to end with duck, isn't that how it works?
+242 Reply
In response to “But he started with duck! So you have to end...”
I thought you ended with goose. And then the person you picked as goose has to chase you.
+232414 Reply
realdizzy
In response to “I thought you ended with goose. And then the...”
I just understood that saying.
-112 Reply
AlexandraTheGreat
Y are black people so good at basketball? Hard work and dedication
+899122 Reply
That's not an anti joke.
-81220 Reply
In response to “That's not an anti joke.”
I agree. You can't really have an anti-joke of the bar-type jokes
+495 Reply
In response to “I agree. You can't really have an anti-joke...”
The reason it's not an anti joke is because it has an actual punchline that makes you go "I see what you did there". An actual anti joke would be: "Helen Keller walks into a bar. She has a drink and enjoys her evening".
+273472 Reply
In response to “The reason it's not an anti joke is because...”
How did she find this bar? Was it recommended by someone? Why a drink?
+373813 Reply
Ahhh, this actually made me laugh. I probably looked like an idiot laughing at the computer.
+37392 Reply
grettag
Yo mama's so fat, she's been going to the gym 5 days a week.
+747621 Reply
In response to “Yo mama's so fat, she's been going to the gym...”
You're so gay, you have gay **** with people. And LIKE it.
+646736 Reply
In response to “@1303594 (polarlarlarlar_bare): You're so...”
* with men.
Anti joke fail.
-40545 Reply
Anon:)
In response to “***** with men. Anti joke fail.”
(Anon:)): Well I didn't know if the person was a boy or girl, so I just put people.
+35372 Reply
Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone?
He was hit by a truck.
+189192353 Reply
Anonymous
In response to “Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He...”
That's my favorite!
+792 Reply
In response to “Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He...”
Why did the little girl drop her ice cream? She was holding the boy's hand.
-7411 Reply
Anonymous
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
+6671519 Reply
What's worse than standing in line at Walmart?
Being raped.
What's worse than paying an outrageous amount for whatever shit you were buying at Walmart?
Finding out you're pregnant with a rape baby.
+3537210 Reply
"You know what's worse than wet socks?
Genocide."
+55561 Reply
In response to “"You know what's worse than wet...”
I love those replies.
"OMG WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN MY PHONE RUNNING OUT OF BATTERY ARGHHH!@$^"
"The holocaust"
+25251 Reply
How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it with an ax.
What's red and smells like blue paint? RED PAINT!
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.
What's worse than finding an apple in your worm? The Holocaust.
+444845 Reply
In response to “How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it...”
"apple in your worm"
+20222 Reply
In response to “How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it...”
May God forbid the day I find an apple in my worm.
+232522 Reply
In response to “May God forbid the day I find an apple in my worm.”
Ya never know...
+363 Reply
An Irish man walks out of a bar.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
+495235 Reply
In response to “An Irish man walks out of a bar. A dyslexic...”
Those lucky dyslexics! Getting away with things no one else would.
+27281 Reply
In response to “An Irish man walks out of a bar. A dyslexic...”
Again, not an anti joke.
+8102 Reply
In response to “Again, not an anti joke.”
How?
-33 Reply
In response to “Again, not an anti joke.”
Nevermind, I get it. But it doesn't mean it isn't funny :3
-112 Reply
In response to “Nevermind, I get it. But it doesn't mean it...”
If it has a punch line it's not an anti joke
+88 Reply
In response to “If it has a punch line it's not an anti joke”
Yeah I know, but it doesn't mean it's not funny.
0 Reply
In response to “Yeah I know, but it doesn't mean it's not funny.”
The comments of this post are discussing/sharing anti jokes, not any jokes that are funny.
+572 Reply
In response to “The comments of this post are...”
Sorry.
+77 Reply
In response to “Sorry.”
It's not a big deal. Sorry if I overreacted.
+55 Reply
In response to “It's not a big deal. Sorry if I overreacted.”
lol, it's fine :P
+11 Reply
Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.
+495014 Reply
There's a black man, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a great example of an integrated community.
+5962312 Reply
In response to “There's a black man, a homosexual, and a Jew...”
Wasn't that on family guy?
+462 Reply
Thatbitch
In response to “Wasn't that on family guy?”
I actually don't know. It's possible?
+9112 Reply
Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are insentient and cannot experience fear.
+6467315 Reply
I like how this has turned into an anti-joke contest.
Yo momma is so ugly, she often finds it difficult to attract members of the opposite ****.
+535526 Reply
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.
+6769214 Reply
candito
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
+7277518 Reply
Why do Mexicans have tamales on Christmas?
Because it's a tradition.
+202221 Reply
Knock knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave fights back tears as he realizes his grandmothers alzheimers is getting worse
+7581628 Reply
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a gun
Get in the van
+374369 Reply
In response to “Roses are red Violets are blue I have a...”
that doesn't rhyme.
-16420 Reply
Anonymous
In response to “that doesn't rhyme.”
neither do you.
+434638 Reply
In response to “neither do you.”
I don't get it...
-9110 Reply
Anonymous
In response to “I don't get it...”
roses are red
violets are BLUE
i have a gun
get in the van
that doesn't rhyme
and neither do YOU
+212321 Reply
In response to “ roses are red violets are BLUE i have a...”
(Some_Dude):teamwork.
still, lol it's pretty off cause there are too many nonrhyming lines in between.
-12214 Reply
Anonymous
What do you call a black man flying a plane?
a pilot :/
+424423 Reply
I like how all the comments on this post are so unoriginal. Anti jokes used to be funny but then everyone went around and told the SAME ONES over and over that now their just lame.
-28533 Reply
In response to “I like how all the comments on this post are...”
they're*
+30333 Reply
In response to “they're*”
Oh wow that's not like me to get that wrong. Thanks for correcting me.
And just to prove my point, how many of these were said in the comments? Almost all of them were copied I can bet. http://anti-joke.com/
077 Reply
In response to “Oh wow that's not like me to get that wrong...”
Or you know, people could have used these funny little things called their brains to remember anti-jokes that they found funny and posted them in the comments so that like-minded individuals could enjoy them too. But that's just a theory. :/
+24262 Reply
Anonymous
In response to “Or you know, people could have used these...”
You're very condescending.
-16420 Reply
In response to “You're very condescending.”
You're very observant.
On a side note, my friends tell me I'm very sarcastic, but I don't believe them.
+16182 Reply
Anonymous
In response to “You're very observant. On a side note, my...”
Wow, you are such a ****.
-9211 Reply
In response to “Wow, you are such a ****.”
If you can't win an argument, just insult them, eh?
+18202 Reply
I read anti jokes with my poker face on.
+15172 Reply
Anonymous
In response to “I read anti jokes with my poker face on.”
so does lady gaga
+24273 Reply
Why is six afraid of seven?
Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.
Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.
+8588342 Reply
aZIGAZIGAHHH
In response to “Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been...”
That was fantastic.
+18213 Reply
hloonvse
In response to “Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been...”
You need to write a book.
+16182 Reply
I find it rather morbid that I am laughing at these terribly blunt, depressing anti-jokes and it is rather twisted seeing people thumbs up and "love" comments about pain and suffering. Yet somehow I still enjoy these jokes and laugh at them and agree with the comments? "She was diagnosed with cancer." *
* "This one's great!"
+19212 Reply
How many blonds does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Usually One. It depends where the light bulb is located. But mostly just one.
+12142 Reply
L0v3
I'm going to hell for laughing at all of these.
+88 Reply
Zia
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill all of his family
+18191 Reply
What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff?
They were my friends.
-538 Reply
Wickes2404
why did the little boy cry when he sat on santa's lap?
santas **** reminded him of his rapist father.
+12122 Reply
why did susie fall of the swing?
Because she had no arms.
022 Reply
knock, knock.
who's there?
not susie.
+132 Reply