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Agreed

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Anti-jokes are sometimes funnier than real jokes nowadays. Example: Helen Keller walks into a bar. Then a table. Then a door. Amirite?

Top Comment

Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone?
He was hit by a truck.

+189192353 See / Add Replies

Anonymous

Comments

A man walks into a bar.

His alcoholism is ruining his family.

+141144320 Reply

Electrilizer Electrilizer

In response to “A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is...

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

He says, "My wife has terminal cancer."

+7980112 Reply

mchristie mchristie

In response to “A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says...

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse did not reply because horses can't talk.

+924152 Reply

Anonymous

In response to “A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says...

Note how nearly every single one of the anti-jokes on this page are stolen from Anti-Joke.com.

+11176 Reply

Whacka Whacka

knock knock
who's there?
to
to who?
to whom.

+616435 Reply

MissFreggles MissFreggles

A man walks into a bar when his friend shouts "DUCK!" too late.

+27303 Reply

Shadi Shadi

In response to “A man walks into a bar when his friend shouts...

(Chauncy Pickles): Dip, Dive, Dodge, and Duck again!

+264 Reply

KickAss KickAss

In response to “(Chauncy Pickles): Dip, Dive, Dodge, and Duck...

No. It's Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive, and, um, dodge.

+8102 Reply

Anonymous

In response to “No. It's Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive, and, um, dodge.

But he started with duck! So you have to end with duck, isn't that how it works?

+242 Reply

KickAss KickAss

In response to “But he started with duck! So you have to end...

I thought you ended with goose. And then the person you picked as goose has to chase you.

+232414 Reply

realdizzy

In response to “I thought you ended with goose. And then the...

I just understood that saying.

-112 Reply

AlexandraTheGreat

Y are black people so good at basketball? Hard work and dedication

+899122 Reply

th3don th3don

That's not an anti joke.

-81220 Reply

Admiral_Beena Admiral_Beena

In response to “That's not an anti joke.

I agree. You can't really have an anti-joke of the bar-type jokes

+495 Reply

swimlax swimlax

In response to “I agree. You can't really have an anti-joke...

The reason it's not an anti joke is because it has an actual punchline that makes you go "I see what you did there". An actual anti joke would be: "Helen Keller walks into a bar. She has a drink and enjoys her evening".

+273472 Reply

Admiral_Beena Admiral_Beena

In response to “The reason it's not an anti joke is because...

How did she find this bar? Was it recommended by someone? Why a drink?

+373813 Reply

KickAss KickAss

Ahhh, this actually made me laugh. I probably looked like an idiot laughing at the computer.

+37392 Reply

grettag

Yo mama's so fat, she's been going to the gym 5 days a week.

+747621 Reply

theasexualsloth theasexualsloth

In response to “Yo mama's so fat, she's been going to the gym...

You're so gay, you have gay **** with people. And LIKE it.

+646736 Reply

iamganontheumbreon iamganontheumbreon

In response to “@1303594 (polarlarlarlar_bare): You're so...

* with men.

Anti joke fail.

-40545 Reply

Anon:)

In response to “***** with men. Anti joke fail.

(Anon:)): Well I didn't know if the person was a boy or girl, so I just put people.

+35372 Reply

iamganontheumbreon iamganontheumbreon

Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone?
He was hit by a truck.

+189192353 Reply

Anonymous

In response to “Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He...

That's my favorite!

+792 Reply

LittleRed LittleRed

In response to “Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He...

Why did the little girl drop her ice cream? She was holding the boy's hand.

-7411 Reply

Anonymous

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.

+6671519 Reply

Meredith Meredith

What's worse than standing in line at Walmart?

Being raped.

What's worse than paying an outrageous amount for whatever shit you were buying at Walmart?

Finding out you're pregnant with a rape baby.

+3537210 Reply

PiratesGirl PiratesGirl

"You know what's worse than wet socks?

Genocide."

+55561 Reply

Vitae Vitae

In response to “"You know what's worse than wet...

I love those replies.
"OMG WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN MY PHONE RUNNING OUT OF BATTERY ARGHHH!@$^"
"The holocaust"

+25251 Reply

TalkingRice TalkingRice

How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it with an ax.
What's red and smells like blue paint? RED PAINT!
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.
What's worse than finding an apple in your worm? The Holocaust.

+444845 Reply

OnebadWhiteKid OnebadWhiteKid

In response to “How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it...

"apple in your worm" (hehe)

+20222 Reply

Vitae Vitae

In response to “How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it...

May God forbid the day I find an apple in my worm.

+232522 Reply

Eminna Eminna

An Irish man walks out of a bar.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

+495235 Reply

iamganontheumbreon iamganontheumbreon

In response to “An Irish man walks out of a bar. A dyslexic...

Those lucky dyslexics! Getting away with things no one else would.

+27281 Reply

KickAss KickAss

In response to “An Irish man walks out of a bar. A dyslexic...

Again, not an anti joke.

+8102 Reply

Admiral_Beena Admiral_Beena

In response to “Again, not an anti joke.

Nevermind, I get it. But it doesn't mean it isn't funny :3

-112 Reply

iamganontheumbreon iamganontheumbreon

In response to “Nevermind, I get it. But it doesn't mean it...

If it has a punch line it's not an anti joke

+88 Reply

Admiral_Beena Admiral_Beena

In response to “If it has a punch line it's not an anti joke

Yeah I know, but it doesn't mean it's not funny.

0 Reply

iamganontheumbreon iamganontheumbreon

In response to “Yeah I know, but it doesn't mean it's not funny.

The comments of this post are discussing/sharing anti jokes, not any jokes that are funny.

+572 Reply

Admiral_Beena Admiral_Beena

In response to “Sorry.

It's not a big deal. Sorry if I overreacted.

+55 Reply

Admiral_Beena Admiral_Beena

Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.

+495014 Reply

iceeselenawiz iceeselenawiz

There's a black man, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a great example of an integrated community.

+5962312 Reply

WhoIsSierra WhoIsSierra

In response to “There's a black man, a homosexual, and a Jew...

Wasn't that on family guy?

+462 Reply

Thatbitch

In response to “Wasn't that on family guy?

I actually don't know. It's possible?

+9112 Reply

WhoIsSierra WhoIsSierra

Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are insentient and cannot experience fear.

+6467315 Reply

Avery Avery

I like how this has turned into an anti-joke contest.

Yo momma is so ugly, she often finds it difficult to attract members of the opposite ****.

+535526 Reply

Miss_Courage_Wolf Miss_Courage_Wolf

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

+6769214 Reply

candito

What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

+7277518 Reply

yellowitsmee yellowitsmee OP

Why do Mexicans have tamales on Christmas?

Because it's a tradition.

+202221 Reply

I_did_it_in_a_tree I_did_it_in_a_tree

Knock knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave fights back tears as he realizes his grandmothers alzheimers is getting worse

+7581628 Reply

SpongebobNinja SpongebobNinja

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a gun
Get in the van

+374369 Reply

LittleRed LittleRed

In response to “Roses are red Violets are blue I have a...

that doesn't rhyme.

-16420 Reply

Anonymous

In response to “that doesn't rhyme.

neither do you.

+434638 Reply

Some_Dude Some_Dude

In response to “neither do you.

I don't get it...

-9110 Reply

Anonymous

In response to “I don't get it...


roses are red
violets are BLUE
i have a gun
get in the van
that doesn't rhyme
and neither do YOU

+212321 Reply

Some_Dude Some_Dude

In response to “ roses are red violets are BLUE i have a...

(Some_Dude):teamwork.
still, lol it's pretty off cause there are too many nonrhyming lines in between.

-12214 Reply

Anonymous

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

a pilot :/

+424423 Reply

Some_Dude Some_Dude

I like how all the comments on this post are so unoriginal. Anti jokes used to be funny but then everyone went around and told the SAME ONES over and over that now their just lame.

-28533 Reply

AntiJokeChicken AntiJokeChicken

In response to “they're*

Oh wow that's not like me to get that wrong. Thanks for correcting me.

And just to prove my point, how many of these were said in the comments? Almost all of them were copied I can bet. http://anti-joke.com/

077 Reply

AntiJokeChicken AntiJokeChicken

In response to “Oh wow that's not like me to get that wrong...

Or you know, people could have used these funny little things called their brains to remember anti-jokes that they found funny and posted them in the comments so that like-minded individuals could enjoy them too. But that's just a theory. :/

+24262 Reply

Anonymous

In response to “Or you know, people could have used these...

You're very condescending.

-16420 Reply

AntiJokeChicken AntiJokeChicken

In response to “You're very condescending.

You're very observant.

On a side note, my friends tell me I'm very sarcastic, but I don't believe them.

+16182 Reply

Anonymous

In response to “You're very observant. On a side note, my...

Wow, you are such a ****.

-9211 Reply

AntiJokeChicken AntiJokeChicken

In response to “Wow, you are such a ****.

If you can't win an argument, just insult them, eh?

+18202 Reply

Javvie Javvie

I read anti jokes with my poker face on.

+15172 Reply

Anonymous

In response to “I read anti jokes with my poker face on.

so does lady gaga

+24273 Reply

Askutch Askutch

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

+8588342 Reply

aZIGAZIGAHHH

In response to “Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been...

That was fantastic.

+18213 Reply

hloonvse

In response to “Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been...

You need to write a book.

+16182 Reply

greatrande greatrande

I find it rather morbid that I am laughing at these terribly blunt, depressing anti-jokes and it is rather twisted seeing people thumbs up and "love" comments about pain and suffering. Yet somehow I still enjoy these jokes and laugh at them and agree with the comments? "She was diagnosed with cancer." *(y)* "This one's great!"

+19212 Reply

Rainboots Rainboots

How many blonds does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Usually One. It depends where the light bulb is located. But mostly just one.

+12142 Reply

L0v3

I'm going to hell for laughing at all of these.

+88 Reply

Zia

How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill all of his family

+18191 Reply

gene gene

What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff?
They were my friends.

-538 Reply

Wickes2404

why did the little boy cry when he sat on santa's lap?

santas **** reminded him of his rapist father.

+12122 Reply

banana_pancakes banana_pancakes

why did susie fall of the swing?

Because she had no arms.

022 Reply

Sea Sea

knock, knock.

who's there?

not susie.

+132 Reply

Sea Sea

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