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<b>Have you come to grips with your reality and how much you impact your immediate environment?</b> <em>I'm sorry, but I'm still coming to grips with the death of my ex-boyfriend and how young he was...and that happened last September...</em>

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Lil_PrincessMarkymarkTiffaneeChuckTomBozetteOzSurferozzyboyAdaSukiesnowCarla
Have you come to grips with your reality and how much you impact your immediate environment? I'm sorry, but I'm still coming to grips with the death of my ex-boyfriend and how young he was...and that happened last September...

Explained by Sukiesnow...

I can't wait until I start feeling like myself again. And it's difficult for the people around me...I don't want to share it with them...and if I do...what is there to say? Really. "Get over it. By now." I thought I'd be though all the stages by now...I can't believe how poorly I've been functioning...:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Top Comment

I can totally relate to what your saying and I really can empathise and I'm sorry you are going through this. I know what you mean about not being able to share your situation in real life with those around you.

People ask, how are you today, and you are supposed to say, i'm good thanks, how are you? If you do try and talk more about it they say, get over it and enjoy your exciting new life. They aren't talking from experience though so mostly I find sharing isn't helpful.

I lost my partner 5 years ago to breast cancer, but what I didn't realise was that I also lost all my support mechanisms too, that I had at the time, like all our friends and neighbours. I realised they were friends with us as a couple and that ended once we were no longer a couple. I find talking online has helped a bit because you can talk to people online that you'd never get the opportunity to talk to in real life.

+101010 See / Add Replies

OzSurfer OzSurfer

Comments

You have nothing to be sorry for Sukie. Nobody can tell anyone how long to grieve. You are allowed to take as much time as you need and want. If anyone tells you to "Get Over It" well they can kiss my ****.

I lost my dad (6/2007), my mama (12/2012), my nephew (4/2013), my best friend/sister (10/2014), my other best friend 2/2017). I would dare one person to tell me to get over it. I grieve for these people because these people were my entire world.

πŸ¦‹

+888 Reply

Lil_Princess Lil_Princess

In response to “You have nothing to be sorry for Sukie...

It's horrible to realize those ppl will never live again. You will never be able to touch them again.

Thank you, hon.

+666 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “It's horrible to realize those ppl will never...

Indeed it is horrible.

You are most welcome

+333 Reply

Lil_Princess Lil_Princess

In response to “You have nothing to be sorry for Sukie...

We went thru two of my husbands family, his mom and brother all within two months of one another. I cared for both in my home. I truly thought if I loved them enough and cared for them well, I could keep them with us. When his brother passed, I lost it. I would break down in tears at the mere thought of them. It lasted a long time. I finally thought I was getting better with it. I then lost my little boxer. That did it I cried all over again. I don't think there should be any time limit on grief. Suki cry and grieve as long as you want to. Don't ever let anyone tell you to get over it! This your personal journey.

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BarbOBarr BarbOBarr

As you get older, death becomes a reality and that reality is with you most days...but everyday is a bonus..

+555 Reply

Platinum Platinum

In response to “As you get older, death becomes a reality and...

That is so true, Plat.

+333 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

I can totally relate to what your saying and I really can empathise and I'm sorry you are going through this. I know what you mean about not being able to share your situation in real life with those around you.

People ask, how are you today, and you are supposed to say, i'm good thanks, how are you? If you do try and talk more about it they say, get over it and enjoy your exciting new life. They aren't talking from experience though so mostly I find sharing isn't helpful.

I lost my partner 5 years ago to breast cancer, but what I didn't realise was that I also lost all my support mechanisms too, that I had at the time, like all our friends and neighbours. I realised they were friends with us as a couple and that ended once we were no longer a couple. I find talking online has helped a bit because you can talk to people online that you'd never get the opportunity to talk to in real life.

+101010 Reply

OzSurfer OzSurfer

In response to “I can totally relate to what your saying and...

Death is a horrible experience... Death is death. You know there will never be the individual reality back ever again. It's horrible and I could kill death.

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Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “Death is a horrible experience... Death is...

I understand what you mean. Even for those that believe in an afterlife, it doesn't sound that great either. I mean, all the people who annoy me the most assure me they'll be there, so how can I look forward to an eternity with them? I just hope it's a big place if it exists. Personally, I hope it's like sleeping. I enjoy that plus I don't know anything when I'm asleep which suits me, and nobody expects me to do anything I'm not capable of either, so that's sounding ok so far. And it's not like I'll have a partner, or kids or family or friends that'll be upset that I don't wake up. It's just the dying bit that might not be fun. I see my older relatives who never looked after their health and they are like prisoners of their bodies. I hope I go out surfing a tsunami or something.

+666 Reply

OzSurfer OzSurfer

Death may be a reality but that doesn't mean we ever get over a loss, or even that we should. We all react to death in different ways because we are all different.

+777 Reply

JustJimColo JustJimColo

In response to “Death may be a reality but that doesn't mean...

Thank you .... I''ve had 3 deaths this past 2016.... I spent an hour weeping the other day.. Some of it feels like self-pity and I mentally chastise my self about it....

It makes me touch base with reality around it.....

+555 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “Thank you .... I''ve had 3 deaths this past...

It's not self pity when someone has a hard time with a loss. Sometimes it take weeks to deal with, sometimes it takes years. Many people feel that loss their entire life. There are no right or wrong time lines. Even when you "move on", you still feel it.

+332 Reply

JustJimColo JustJimColo

In response to “It's not self pity when someone has a hard...

Thank you. I needed to hear that.... I haven't been myself for a while now....

+332 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “Thank you. I needed to hear that.... I...

I'd be more concerned about someone if they "didn't" have a rough time dealing with grief.

+332 Reply

JustJimColo JustJimColo

In response to “I'd be more concerned about someone if they...

There are so many facets to the grieving process...especially with a view to being online.

Some ppl don't express it...and/or don't know how to express it... I asked my friend out West... Well: how did you feel when Boots (her mom) passed away? She said: I don't think I really knew...

It is also always tough to know what to do around a person who is grieving....but being online makes it easier....

+222 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “Thank you .... I''ve had 3 deaths this past...

You should never feel bad about grieving a loved one. It takes a long time to heal.

+333 Reply

BarbOBarr BarbOBarr

In response to “You should never feel bad about grieving a...

Thank you Barb! Even kind words can make my eyes start to water....:)

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Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “Thank you Barb! Even kind words can make my...

It does get better. I know they say, time heals all wounds, however it still leaves a scar. You take care of you.

+222 Reply

BarbOBarr BarbOBarr

In response to “It does get better. I know they say, time...

How is your lovely dog? The one you trained so much but you wish you didn't?

+111 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “How is your lovely dog? The one you trained...

My new guy Tyson is doing well. He is not always a model citizen. We have had a bit of chewing complaints. The litte nipper is not the brightest when it comes to heart to heart talks about this issue, he shimmies at you with the tail wagging. It's hard to continue with a streight face. If you have the time look him up online. He's a Rhodesian Ridgeback, Boxer mix. He is very handsome and big. Thanks for asking. How are you feeling?

+111 Reply

BarbOBarr BarbOBarr

In response to “My new guy Tyson is doing well. He is not...

Thank you! I've written it down...can't wait to look it up...

I'm okay...altho the usual...some days are better than others...which is the same after any procedure... Thanks also for asking....

Are you back for a while?

People on here can use your kind words....you're doing a service.

+111 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “Thank you! I've written it down...can't wait...

Thank you. I'm glad you're feeling somewhat better. I'm on and off. I'm doing a lot of physical therapy. I was laid up for three weeks. It's tough building up strength, I will get better. I will try to get on more, when I'm not doing it as much😊

+111 Reply

BarbOBarr BarbOBarr

In response to “Thank you. I'm glad you're feeling somewhat...

So cute, huh? Real posers... And love water... A good boxer mix...

+111 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “So cute, huh? Real posers... And love...

He's a beauty. He has the best of both qualities. We cannot believe someone dumped him. I know whoever had this guy loved him. He is very affectionate. The only thing we can figure is the fact he is quite ill with valley fever and the meds are outrageous in price. Their loss is out gain. I will keep him in meds for as long as it takes to cure him. Do you have dogs?

+111 Reply

BarbOBarr BarbOBarr

In response to “He's a beauty. He has the best of both...

In a small condo? Ha... Not a chance... You really need more than one person....I know a lot more about animals after my fuzzies...you kinda make up rules.... I will always work to train animals that I have the opportunity to look after....

Animals are better off with either more animals or at least 2 humans...etc....

+111 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “In a small condo? Ha... Not a chance... You...

I can certainly agree on that. I'm home all day. I baby the crap out of Rodger and Tyson. My husband comes home and they only have eyes for him. I find myself getting annoyed, they completely ignore me.

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BarbOBarr BarbOBarr

I am very sorry for your loss, Sukie. Everyone deals with things in their own way and in their own time. Keep him alive in your memories and in your heart. My husband has been gone eight years come April...I never really "got over it"...I learned to live with it.

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Bozette Bozette

In response to “I am very sorry for your loss, Sukie...

Thank you .... I''ve had 3 deaths this past 2016.... I spent an hour weeping the other day.. Some of it feels like self-pity and I mentally chastise my self about it.

It helps to hear your voice, and it let's me know I'm not being silly about it.

+555 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “Thank you .... I''ve had 3 deaths this past...

You are most welcome, Sukie. I have had that happen...six deaths in six months when my first brother died and five the year my second brother died. I do know how overwhelming it can be. People who have never experienced such loss simply cannot understand. That doesn't mean they aren't sympathetic, but it can sometimes be awkward for them, you or both.

Hang in there. Cry if you need to, it is cleansing. Muddle on through at your own pace, and know that our thoughts are with you.

+666 Reply

Bozette Bozette

Sukie, Sometimes you can't control your own feelings and you shouldn't even try when you are dealing with something as large as this. People just don't know how to respond, they aren't trying to be mean but some are just ignorant because they've never gone through losing someone close to them.
A friend lost her grown son in a very bad way and we would talk countless times or rather she would talk and I would listen. She would tell me the things people would say to her - shouldn't you be getting over it, type stuff.
I would tell her that your heart doesn't come with a watch that times out
over feelings of loss. The hole in her heart healed but never closed. I hope your heart will heal and you can ignore those who say ignorant things.

+666 Reply

ozzyboy ozzyboy

In response to “Sukie, Sometimes you can't control your own...

Thank you ozzy.

+333 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

A year is not a longtime Sukie. My dad passed away December 2009 and I think of him almost everyday. You just learn to live with it daily, and sometimes it sure isn't easy.

It's great that you can share this with us (online friends), very brave in sharing your feelings, something I wish I could do ....

Stay strong and keep that special part of him in your heart forever.

+777 Reply

Markymark Markymark

In response to “A year is not a longtime Sukie. My dad passed...

Thank you Markymark

+444 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

In response to “Thank you Markymark

You're welcome. (biggrin)

+111 Reply

Markymark Markymark

There's been a lot of that going around. You're right: "What is there to say?" Nothing I say is going to make you feel better; only time will.

+555 Reply

JerryHendrickson JerryHendrickson

Sorry for your loss... I think it's more like my immediate environment impacts me so it's an ever-changing reality that I can never predict

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Surfcrab

i am not interest, bye

0 Reply

Bluejay Bluejay

I know how you all feel.My brother ,who was my best friend.Died two years ago.I was alone with him when he took his last breath.I relive that moment every day.It really hurts.

+111 Reply

hootowl hootowl

In response to “I know how you all feel.My brother ,who was...

I know exactly what you mean. I've been there, too. I cry every day (off and on) that I can...it's part of grieving, they tell me, I just feel as if it's there...it may never change...

I've talked to professionals about it since, talking to every day people...there's no point really....they think differently.... I don't care anymore how long it takes me...it will take me as long as it does...

What bothers me most, right now, is never being able to see them or hold them, kiss them again...ever again...that is what I am crying about right now...after being in denial...I realized the reality of death and I feel really bad, sad and angry about it...I could go on in this vein... I hate death, you know.

I'm so glad you commented on my post, hootowl.

01 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

My brother and I had so much fun together.We were always laughing.Sometimes I almost feel his presence and hear his voice.
That's when I cry.

+111 Reply

hootowl hootowl

In response to “My brother and I had so much fun together.We...

That's where my doctor would tell you: your brother is trying to thank you for all the good times...for you being in his life...helping him....that he loves you....

I believe that...but it still feels good to grieve for your own feelings.

I am crying as I type this...

01 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

I really know how you feel.Take care.

+111 Reply

hootowl hootowl

In response to “I really know how you feel.Take care.

The same here... You, too. Time helps...altho I have yet to see it.

0 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow OP

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