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44% agree
56% disagree
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Agreed

PhilboydStudgeSynysterGatesWill_JanitorTrishWalt_OReagun

Disagreed

CarlaDWFPiper2BozetteNeanderthal_MomdoerPartyOfOneTiffaneeSofia

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Piper2TiffaneeBozetteSofiaWill_JanitorMarianneprimeiroCarlaRoosterSynysterGatesMetal_god14
Happiness and unhappiness are states of mind and therefore their real causes cannot be found outside the mind.

Explained by PhilboydStudge...

This is a quote from the TED talk linked to this post. Kelsang Nyema attributed it to one of her teachers. We are misguided when we blame our unhappiness on someone else. If you have a peaceful mind you will tend to be happy.

Top Comment

Oh...i dont know. Momentary bouts of unhappiness can be blamed on someone else.
Ever stood in a line at the grocery store, running late, and the cashier and the person with a thousand items choose to talk about the kind of fabric softeners they use? Momentary unhappiness, ensues:(

+888 See / Add Replies

Carla Carla

Comments

I'm generally a pretty happy person, but my wife knows exactly what buttons to push when she wants to share a little pissed off. I'm not sure how that fits into this quote, but it's real. :)

+887 Reply

Will_Janitor Will_Janitor

In response to “I'm generally a pretty happy person, but my...

That's what it's all about, will...sharing:)
A little, pissed off, isnt gonna hurt you.

+776 Reply

Carla Carla

In response to “That's what it's all about...

I agree.

+666 Reply

Will_Janitor Will_Janitor

The mind isn't a closed system

+777 Reply

DWF DWF

In response to “The mind isn't a closed system

Excellent point! Stimuli outside of the brain actually causes chemical and physical changes in the brain. I'm not sure how this lady would respond to such an argument, but I'm stumped. (smile)

+776 Reply

PhilboydStudge PhilboydStudge OP

Oh...i dont know. Momentary bouts of unhappiness can be blamed on someone else.
Ever stood in a line at the grocery store, running late, and the cashier and the person with a thousand items choose to talk about the kind of fabric softeners they use? Momentary unhappiness, ensues:(

+888 Reply

Carla Carla

In response to “Oh...i dont know. Momentary bouts of...

YES! I get that all the time.

+665 Reply

Will_Janitor Will_Janitor

In response to “YES! I get that all the time.

One of the many reasons that i hate to shop:[
I reckon that is why im in 20 year old jeans....

+554 Reply

Carla Carla

In response to “Oh...i dont know. Momentary bouts of...

It could be argued that in this example your unhappiness is the result of you wanting reality to be something other than it is. You don't want to be running late but you are. You don't want people slowing you down with stupid conversations but they insist.

Having said all that I know exactly what you're saying. I loathe shopping. People in a grocery store are the worst. Just wandering around without a thought.. like lost zombies.

+665 Reply

PhilboydStudge PhilboydStudge OP

In response to “It could be argued that in this example your...

I agree, but when I stop at a store named Kwik Trip I don't expect to have to listen to some old lady talking about her recipe for cookies after she paid for a doughnut. Get the hell out of the way and go bake something!

+555 Reply

Will_Janitor Will_Janitor

I guess so, if one can just shut off all their feelings. I'm not buying it, and seeking a perpetual state of "happiness" sounds sort of ridiculous to me.

Not blaming small frustrations or other people for our unhappiness, yeah. Trying to shut off our feelings of grief, or even anger, just no.

+666 Reply

Piper2 Piper2

In response to “I //guess// so, if one can just shut off...

Thanks for the comment. Yea, I'm not ready to become a Buddhist monk either. And I already have the haircut. (smile)

The concept of perpetual happiness is fool's gold. I don't believe that Buddhists would see that as a reasonable goal.

Perhaps I should have wrote "contentedness" instead of "happiness". For Buddhists, dukkha - the dissatisfaction we have with the circumstances of our lives - is caused by our desires. I think that "happiness" is thus the lack of dukkha.

Disclaimer: I'm not a Buddhist so I could be waaaay off.

+555 Reply

PhilboydStudge PhilboydStudge OP

In response to “Thanks for the comment. Yea, I'm not ready...

Well, I really like the book Siddhartha. (smile)

I have not studied the religion, but I know a little about it. I did watch the video yesterday, and as I said...not blaming other people for ones unhappiness is something I agree with, in general. Without discontent about ones circumstances though, what would be the motivation for changing what is hampering our "contentedness"?

+445 Reply

Piper2 Piper2

Water is water whether in liquid, solid or gaseous state. It is, however, greatly affected by a force outside of itself (heat) that can drastically change its form, often within very short periods of time.

Our capacity for "happiness" is inherently within us, while our state of happiness at any given time is subject to outside forces, much as water is always water, but it's state can be changed with the level of heat it is subjected to.

+555 Reply

Bozette Bozette

In response to “Water is water whether in liquid, solid or...

I agree that our state of happiness at any given moment is subject to outside forces. We can never entirely shut them out.

However, sometimes I get "lost" when listening to music. I forget about whatever was troubling me only moments before and enter a state of pleasure. So the discontentment I felt beforehand, at least in these cases, was just in my mind.

+443 Reply

PhilboydStudge PhilboydStudge OP

In response to “I agree that our state of happiness at any...

And the pleasurable state you enter is effected through the outside stimulus from the music, no?

+444 Reply

Bozette Bozette

In response to “Well.. Yea.. (smile)

😉

+443 Reply

Bozette Bozette

I'm always happy, I only feel unhappy when sad things happen...

+334 Reply

JD JD

not true

fish because I love to. Because I love the environs where trout are found, which are invariably beautiful, and hate the environs where crowds of people are found, which are invariably ugly. Because of all the television commercials, cocktail parties, and assorted social posturing I thus escape. Because in a world where most men seem to spend their lives doing what they hate, my fishing is at once an endless source of delight and an act of small rebellion. Because trout do not lie or cheat and cannot be bought or bribed, or impressed by power, but respond only to quietude and humility, and endless patience. Because I suspect that men are going this way for the last time and I for one don't want to waste the trip. Because mercifully there are no telephones on trout waters. Because in the woods I can find solitude without loneliness. ... And finally, not because I regard fishing as being so terribly important, but because I suspect that so many of the other concerns of men are equally unimportant

it's so quiete out here


well if you not pay attention songdogs (coyotes)
or the cry in the distance of the wolf

what's a Civilized man?
the best schools?
a fancy car?
lots of money?
30 suits in the closet?

I must be Uncivilized
I drive a truck
know the trails
the streams & fields are my friends
have many books
just a marine living far away from the madness
known as Civilized Society


Mother nature's living room is my playground

it's better to Master in a cottage
then a Slave in a castle

+223 Reply

Neanderthal_Momdoer Neanderthal_Momdoer

In response to “not true fish because I love to. Because I...

I'm glad you have the opportunity to do what you truly love.

I believe I understand your love of the outdoors. I used to hunt duck and geese. I loved watching the sun rise.. often over a foggy marsh, a lake, a tree line, etc. It was sublime. That and being around my dad's hunting dogs. Labrador retrievers are simple and honest.

Suppose you're really looking forward to going fishing, but as you head out your vehicle won't start. If that gets you frustrated, it's because of your desire to go fishing and your desire to not have car problems. If your car doesn't start and you don't have those desires you wouldn't get frustrated. That's long the lines of what that quote meant to me.

I intentionally use my desires as motivation. For example, I want my co-workers to respect me. Still though, when I'm unhappy it can help if I can step back and try to understand exactly what is making me so.

+221 Reply

PhilboydStudge PhilboydStudge OP

In response to “I'm glad you have the opportunity to do what...

I don't do well in cities or towns
be it the noise, the smells, the unhappiness

I haven't been close to the net in any fashion since I posted my words on your post

it's like, ok I ready to deal with the madness once again

a 7 pointer an a doe
it's been a successful this year

I'll post some sausage pictures soon

+111 Reply

Neanderthal_Momdoer Neanderthal_Momdoer

No, being in constant pain, having fatigue, and balance problems are all very difficult states to remain happy in.
What about starvation, could a person remain happy in a state of starvation? I doubt it.

+334 Reply

Creamcrackered Creamcrackered

In response to “No, being in constant pain, having fatigue...

Thanks for the response.

All true. I don't of anyone who believes they can live a trouble-free life. Also I don't see how recognizing my desire to not be in pain could help me when say my arm is broke.

I think the gist of the quote has to do with the more mundane things that can trouble us. I did not adequately explain myself on this post.

+222 Reply

PhilboydStudge PhilboydStudge OP

In response to “Thanks for the response. All true. I don't...

I do understand the buddhist quote I practiced "awareness" (non attachment) for 9 year's. But suffering chronic pain makes that very difficult to do, even a broken arm can be mended, chronic (long-term) pain has no end. Psychological suffering may be a state of mind but in my experience pain caused by nerve damage or cental nervous system disorder is a lot more difficult to sustain a state of mindfulness :) Good question though.

+222 Reply

Creamcrackered Creamcrackered

Don’t sell yourself short for bread crumbs when you really deserve the entire loaf.

+444 Reply

Tiffanee Tiffanee

In response to “Don’t sell yourself short for bread...

Wanting more than bread crumbs often makes me depressed. However, if I do ever find myself with the whole loaf I will enjoy it!

+222 Reply

PhilboydStudge PhilboydStudge OP

I can't agree. What happens around you affects your mood as much as your state of mind.

+555 Reply

Sofia Sofia

In response to “I can't agree. What happens around you...

That's okay. (smile)

It doesn't work in every situation.. not by a long shot, but here is an example to counter your response..

Suppose you really like Cristiano. You go on a few dates and but after that Cristiano never calls you. This makes you feel dejected.

If you did not want Cristiano to like you, you would not feel bad at all. In this regard you can see how your unhappiness is actually being caused by thoughts in your head.

+333 Reply

PhilboydStudge PhilboydStudge OP

In response to “That's okay. (smile) It doesn't work in...

I'm not sure that's a good example: I'm sad because he never calls. It's an outside action, or lack of it, that made me sad.

I get what you mean, I just don't think that is true. For what I see what's happening to us has as a big of an impact as our own state of mind. There has to be a balance. If one is bad, the chances of the other being pulled down with it are high.

+333 Reply

Sofia Sofia

MOSTLY true. I make an exception for mental health issues like depression, which affects a person's attitude.

+444 Reply

Walt_OReagun Walt_OReagun

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