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ZaraZooper

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PhilboydStudgeVicZincLil_PrincessPiper2StarzAboveWill_JanitorMashaSukiesnowRoosterBubSynysterGates
I have a real problem talking to people face to face. I can write pages about something, but ask me to talk about the same thing and I get blocked. I get nervous, start sweating , feel flushed and febrile. I just get really anxious. That’s one thing I wish I could change about myself.

Top Comment

I have good news - you CAN change that about yourself! In fact, you're the only one that can.

It's not uncommon. You are NOT weird. You can get help. I encourage you to do so. Life goes on - enjoy the ride.

+665 See / Add Replies

Budwick Budwick

Comments

I have good news - you CAN change that about yourself! In fact, you're the only one that can.

It's not uncommon. You are NOT weird. You can get help. I encourage you to do so. Life goes on - enjoy the ride.

+665 Reply

Budwick Budwick

In response to “Thanks! (Smile)

You bet Zara.
Change is never easy. Personal change can be scary. But keep focused on your goal, persevere. Progress in personal, emotional areas can take some time - old habits die hard. But in a while, you WILL notice progress, you WILL find yourself becoming more confident and happier.

I wish you good luck.

+111 Reply

Budwick Budwick

In response to “You bet Zara. Change is never easy...

I’ve grown through being a stubborn rock to a very moldable person who’d change their opinions without any thought to finally myself with still a million flaws, still really lazy, but thankfully less than before. I’ve learnt not to judge others but it’ll take me a while to learn the limits of judging myself. I’m just the average human complaining about petty things, mostly talking about myself. Sigh.

Thank you very much for taking the time to write those encouraging words for someone you know so little. (smile)

0 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

In response to “I’ve grown through being a stubborn...

Zara, I've been down a similar road. When I was younger, I felt pretty insecure. I would try to be the person I thought others wanted me to be. [It sounds silly now] but it never worked long term and I think my insecurity grew because I couldn't always guess who I was supposed to be accurately, and couldn't pull it off.

Just being myself seemed an impossible task. I had lost memory of who I really was, what was important to me. And, I was terrified initially to reveal who I was by answering questions honestly, by doing what I liked to do, etc - for fear of being rejected by those around me.

Well, it turned out that the real me was actually a pretty good guy, well liked by most - not all, but I learned even that was OK.

I don't know if any of this resonates with you or not, but I hope so. Cuz, I can tell you honestly, from personal experience - that you can beat this Zara.

And, you're welcome. True, we don't know each other, but your opening words sounded so familiar. I'm excited for you Zara. You are going to meet the most wonderful person very soon. YOU!

+11 Reply

Budwick Budwick

In response to “Zara, I've been down a similar road. When I...

Yes. I can relate to that. On multiple occasions, I’ve made compromises for the sake of others when they were unnecessary. It has only done me good so far, except the fact that I have some people around me who mistake my adjusting nature for my innocence.

I’ll gradually grow into more of myself and less of a reflection of others’ expectations.Unfortuantely, it takes more than biographies and self help books to develop a personality.

I guess that’s how humans mature, some too soon and some never. I’ll keep learning lesson after lesson, going through cycles of content and dissatisfaction till I actually learn to be satisfied with myself and my life; which we all know we should be but few of us truly are.

Budwick, Thanks again for reading to the last line of this.

01 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

In response to “Yes. I can relate to that. On multiple...

Zara, I don't think you will find your personality in books or biographies. Looking outside of yourself to find yourself is futile!

You have a personality! Embrace it, study that! Enhance what you like about yourself, change / minimize what you don't like.

I promise, this will be my final amateur psych session. You obviously are motivated to make some changes. If you need some help, talk to a professional. They can help - honest.

Good luck!

01 Reply

Budwick Budwick

A lot of people have those feelings...it is a personal level of stage fright...

Practise expressing yourself with people you are comfortable with...tell a friend about this and ask them to practise with you...

+665 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow

In response to “A lot of people have those feelings...it is a...

Thank you Sukiesnow.

+333 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

It's shyness, I'm the same way.

+222 Reply

StarzAbove StarzAbove

This is a very good article on the subject if you would like to take the time to review it. It has a test and some exercises for various issues. Hope it helps.
https://www.calmclinic.com/anxi...ear-of-talking

+333 Reply

Will_Janitor Will_Janitor

In response to “This is a very good article on the subject if...

It’s a good article and suggested that I have moderate anxiety. Thanks.

+222 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

The only way a person gets to feeling comfortable in talking with other people is to go and and talk to them. Nothing else works. Find people who have similar interests and just jump in a conversation.

+443 Reply

JustJimColo JustJimColo

In response to “The only way a person gets to feeling...

I manage around classmates and other people although it takes me a fair amount of time to. It’s my seniors that I’m concerned about. Most of my encounters are unexpected and weird.

+333 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

In response to “I manage around classmates and other people...

I was the opposite when I was younger. I'd be really self-conscious doing a presentation in front of my fellow, immature peers. But once I had to do a presentation in front of adults and had no fear at all. I think I had the idea that they wouldn't judge as harshly as my younger classmates.

Looking back now, I realize my classmates probably didn't judge either. Everyone is too concerned about themselves (their own presentations, how everybody is judging them, etc) to care about your self-consciousness.

+333 Reply

StickCaveman StickCaveman

In response to “I manage around classmates and other people...

If most of your encounters are unexpected, then try to initiate a conversation. Just start by saying good morning or a simple greeting.

+111 Reply

JustJimColo JustJimColo

In response to “If most of your encounters are unexpected...

It’ll take some nerve to make the first move. I can do greetings.

+111 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

In response to “It’ll take some nerve to make the first...

A greeting is an opening. I don't know how old you are. If you are still in school, if you say hi, and they respond, ask them something simple about a class or test. Once you break the ice, it get easier. Remember that many others are just as nervous about making that first move as you are.

+111 Reply

JustJimColo JustJimColo

In response to “A greeting is an opening. I don't know how...

I’m older than school. I’ve explained it in a comment below, the situation is very different from what the post makes it look like. (My bad)

+111 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

In response to “I’m older than school. I’ve...

I read below. Sounds like you have some anxiety there. If you feel intimidated because of the education level around you, that's easy to overcome. Just understand every aspect of your job better than those around you. A Doctor isn't going to expect you to be able to do his job anymore than most Dr.s can be expected to know how to do a tune up on their new BMW. If you have skill sets that are of value, then you are a part of the machine that keeps it all running. Most Dr.s know this. Once you realize your value, it gets easier.

+111 Reply

JustJimColo JustJimColo

In response to “I read below. Sounds like you have some...

Hmm.. That’s where it all goes. I’ll need to build a lot of confidence to not feel anxious at all, and I think this lack of confidence may be feeding my anxiety. Lack of confidence may come from a lack of knowledge and experience, which I have to work a lot on, no doubt.

+111 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

In response to “Hmm.. That’s where it all goes...

One step at a time... you'll see the difference.

+111 Reply

JustJimColo JustJimColo

Guess you're not a confronting person, it's not unusual to feel like a fish out of water when directly addressing someone.

+443 Reply

Sunny_the_skeptic Sunny_the_skeptic

Hey Sunny you are right. This original poster sounds like ROG on big bang. (a)

+111 Reply

LorraineTwevlehundredRaineTwelvehundred LorraineTwevlehundredRaineTwelvehundred

I have never had this issue, so I can't really say much to steer you in a direction that may help other than to say that people are not that hard to talk to. Usually they also have the same fears that you do, it just depends on how well they hide it :)

+443 Reply

AliceD AliceD

I am kind of an odd one. I can speak in front of complete strangers for forklift training, give a presentation that I have had an hour to review to 150 people and not miss a beat but ask me what I like to do for fun or do I want turkey and chicken and I am like "um...um...um...I can't think to save my life.

🦋

+553 Reply

Lil_Princess Lil_Princess

In response to “I am kind of an odd one. I can speak in front...

(smile) I don’t like doing presentations but they’re still better than one to one oral exams to me. I hate it when someone tests my knowledge based on how many questions I answer(verbally) because there are instances when I step out and realize I was blocked at something so simple, so obvious and can’t believe I couldn’t say it.

+333 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

When I was still new to dating, I once was so full of anxiety I was nauseous. Before we got out of the car, I confessed this to the girl in an attempt to make myself feel better. It didn't work right away even though she thought it was cute and expressed that she too was nervous. I just got a Sprite and small taco to eat. Lol... anyway, the next few first dates I went on, I wasn't as nervous because I'd start to imagine them being very anxious. I think I'm able to keep my cool better when someone else isn't, even if I'm just making it all up in my head.

+111 Reply

StickCaveman StickCaveman

In response to “When I was still new to dating, I once was so...

That’s right. It’s hard not be nervous in the situations where I stand. It’s a ward round and there’s a heirarchy of doctors. There’s a Consultant, Senior Residents, Junior residents, Post Graduates, Nurses and then there’s us.. Poor Final Year Students. There’a dozen students following the round. The senior most doctor, i.e. the Consultant looks for a final year student and calls them forward and starts asking them any question he likes. That’s where I’m standing. This really anxious student, with everyone else suddenly staring at her. Luckily, he has the most basic question ever to ask me.. but unluckily for me, My mind is blocked, I’m sweating and when he’s gone, I’m like, ‘How come I just stood there and stared at him?’

+111 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

In response to “That’s right. It’s hard not be...

OMG...thanks for explaining this. You really do have a difficult time...I've watched Drs go on rounds and wondered how students managed to deal... This changes somewhat the advice given to you....as it seems this issue also contains a fear of authority....

This is probably something you will contend with - everyone does - most of your life but it will get better...

Can you imagine meeting the Queen? I might collapse...:)

+111 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow

In response to “OMG...thanks for explaining this. You really...

I’ll have to wait till I turn into the person on the other side of the conversation.

Meeting the queen? Spare me the horror. If she doesn’t have questions for me, I’ll be okay... I guess.

-.- Imagine meeting the queen? I almost forgot how impossible that is.

0 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

In response to “I’ll have to wait till I turn into the...

Ha.

There is a book by Michael Crichton - at 24, he was a student of medicine when he wrote it...one of his first books - it is well-written and funny... I've worked in the healthcare field... It was during that time that Michael decided writing was more fun than being a dr.

Good luck and remember we are all there rooting for you. Smile often.

0 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow

In response to “Ha. There is a book by Michael Crichton - at...

Yea. I’ve read Chrichton. I don’t know if you remember but we’d talked about this once when I told you I liked ER. I haven’t read -At 24 and I’ll try it some day for sure.

Thanks. (smile)

+111 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

In response to “Yea. I’ve read Chrichton. I don’t...

Ha!! I don't remember what the title was...about to Google it but have to go...:)

+111 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow

In response to “When I was still new to dating, I once was so...

Guy I dated once was so nervous he got diarrhea and kept running off to spend (a lot of) time in the loo.

02 Reply

Sukiesnow Sukiesnow

But like everyone else basically said, practice makes perfect. Like me, you've grown up in a world where a large portion of our communication is now via electronic media. It's not really your fault you feel like this. It's just because you're not accustomed to it. All you have to do is face it. Take the challenge and after some time, you'll look back and think of how silly it was. Then you can help give advice to other people who become nervous in such situations.

+111 Reply

StickCaveman StickCaveman

In response to “But like everyone else basically said...

Thank you. (smile) I hope that day’s not far.

0 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

I used to avoid eye contact big time due to anxiety. Staying positive, I became more social over time — it’s just that many people are glued to their mobile devices...

+111 Reply

Masha Masha

In response to “I used to avoid eye contact big time due to...

I think it’s quite disrespectful of people to be on their phone when being talked to. The only eye contact I have when conversing is with my friends.

+111 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

When I meet someone F2F I am distracted trying to guess what kind of a nutcase this one is, what code words I must avoid speaking, what can I say that is interesting at all, how to defend myself from the unwarranted attack when it comes, and so on. For instance, I avoid talking to my brother because he is in the habit of interrupting. When someone interrupts, I turn my back on them, so there is no point in getting a conversation started with him. Once I went to a bible school and a teenage girl spoke to me. I answered, and she said "Why are you looking at me like that?" Duh, because we're talking? Like in this country it's considered polite to look at a person who speaks to me?

It reaches a point where I don't want to meet real people at all. They're just not worth the effort. Just send me a PM on Facebook or something.

+111 Reply

that_guy that_guy

In response to “When I meet someone F2F I am distracted...

“What code words I must avoid... How to defend myself from the unwarranted attack.”. . (hehe)

I have things going on in my mind as well, unless it’s someone who can destroy me.. Then the only thing going on is, “When will he/she go???

Also, Usually I look at people’s face; but whenever I get anxious, I look at some point on their clothes or maybe even the floor sometimes. I feel so muchh better to type something and send it. Not because I get time to think and correct myself, just because I can do it peacefully, uninfluenced by a thousand unnecessary things.

0 Reply

ZaraZooper ZaraZooper OP

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