Have you ever had the slightest desire to rewrite the Bible? I have. I would've made it a lot more exciting. All of the elements are there. The "books" were just written by a bunch of pretty weird, boring people.

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AdaThinkerbellRoosterSynysterGatessmall
Have you ever had the slightest desire to rewrite the Bible? I have. I would've made it a lot more exciting. All of the elements are there. The "books" were just written by a bunch of pretty weird, boring people.

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Well, some parts (e.g., the genealogies) are kinda dull, but others are thrilling.

"Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners."

"The hand of the Lord was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley which was full of bones..."

"Why seek ye the living among the dead?"

+221 See / Add Replies

Thinkerbell Thinkerbell

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I could go for it... Giving a bit of a refreshment... Not trying to offend anyone, but giving everyone a fresh new look at it...

+112 Reply

ZonkeyBalls ZonkeyBalls OP

Well, some parts (e.g., the genealogies) are kinda dull, but others are thrilling.

"Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners."

"The hand of the Lord was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley which was full of bones..."

"Why seek ye the living among the dead?"

+221 Reply

Thinkerbell Thinkerbell

In response to “Well, some parts (e.g., the genealogies) are...

"My beloved, beautiful Tirzah, like Jerusalem, all so like an army with banners."

"The Lord had too many bones, so I was the one to watch over them."

"Why seek ye bonification?"

+111 Reply

ZonkeyBalls ZonkeyBalls OP

Yeah. Rewrite Genesis to explain why they celebrate Easter. "In the beginning was the Egg and Hare. Nobody knows where they came from. But with nothing else to do, the Hare sat upon the Egg. And lo, the Egg hatched revealing chocolate. And the Hare tasted it, and it was good."

+111 Reply

Walt_OReagun Walt_OReagun

In response to “Yeah. Rewrite Genesis to explain why they...

Those were German eggs, with a surprise inside them.

And... Then... As you might guess... Children in the U.S. were suddenly in danger, even though none of them were stupid enough to swallow the plastic toy box. Perhaps their parents were dimwits?

+222 Reply

ZonkeyBalls ZonkeyBalls OP

In response to “Those were German eggs, with a surprise...

They have decided that one kind of the kinder is okay. Ive seen them at the checkout counters.
My sister has been buying them online for years. Her grandkids are all intact.

+111 Reply

Carla Carla

In response to “They have decided that one kind of the kinder...

Oh, that reminds me... I should post something.

0 Reply

ZonkeyBalls ZonkeyBalls OP

In response to “Yeah. Rewrite Genesis to explain why they...

ha ha that was the retail business promoting sales of candy gifts cards.The real holiday was from pagan times christians just took it into their monopoly of religion.

+111 Reply

LorraineTwevlehundredRaineTwelvehundred LorraineTwevlehundredRaineTwelvehundred

See that is a problem with the bible it has be re written so many times, no way to know what it originally said.

+111 Reply

LorraineTwevlehundredRaineTwelvehundred LorraineTwevlehundredRaineTwelvehundred

In response to “See that is a problem with the bible it has...

"Thou shalt not mount mountain goats."

That's pretty much it.

0 Reply

ZonkeyBalls ZonkeyBalls OP

In the beginning god created the heavens and the earth. This offended a lot of people and is generally considered a bad idea.

+111 Reply

that_guy that_guy

In response to “In the beginning god created the heavens and...

Well, I have been betting on Lucifer... Let's see, if this match goes to the overtime.

01 Reply

ZonkeyBalls ZonkeyBalls OP

I'd just replace all the boring people with Marvel characters...
https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_i...9_400x400.jpeg



乂^◡^乂

+111 Reply

Ada Ada

In response to “I'd just replace all the boring people with...

And suddenly there was a radioactive spider. "Ye, behold the spider from the future! It..." Spider cometh'd and attacked the audience. "No, thou shalt not attack them! They are God's children!" Spider did not listen, but continued attacking the crowd. "Oh, **** it, let's get this over with, then." So mighty battle started. Both David and Goliath looked each other with certain surprise on their faces, they had thought their match was to be the main event for tonight, but now... The spider was nibbling on a leg of what was later to be known as the Bad Samaritan.

+111 Reply

ZonkeyBalls ZonkeyBalls OP

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