Who the hell names hurricanes and why do they give them the least threatening names? If you see on the news that hurricane Erin is blowing through, you're like 'Pfft. Erin? I can take that ****'. But if it's like hurricane Dicksmasher is coming, you'd pack your stuff and leave immediately, amirite?
**** Boy Scouts. Instead there should be MAN SCOUTS! Activities include tying knots WITH A PYTHON, pitching a tent MADE OF LATEX AND CYANIDE, and earning merit badges and pinning them to YOUR BARE NAKED, HAIRY TORSO. Girl scouts have cookies? That's cool. We've got SMOKED KRAKEN ON A STICK! Amirite?
If Dr. Seuss Was Actually a Doctor: Dr. Seuss: I do not like this brownish spot. I do not like this dark black dot. I do not like this odd-shaped mole. I do not like this porous hole. I'd wear more sunblock here and there. I'd wear more sunblock everywhere. It looks as though, I'm sad to say, that you have cancer, here today. Patient: Are you...high? amirite?
How to ruin someone's life. Step 1: Post on facebook that your mom died. Step 2: Post in the comments section that you were kidding and got grounded for this. Step 3: Wait for someone to comment and say "you deserve it". Step 4: Delete your previous comment. amirite?
Boys are not going to run to your house at 3am with flowers. They aren't going to scream that they love you down the hallway. They aren't always going to randomly text you to tell you how beautiful you are. They probably aren't going to sing and dance with you in the rain. Yes, they cheat and lie, some of them. But so do girls. Stop setting these high **** expectations and get over it. amirite?
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