You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

97% agree
3% disagree
Post

This calls for a hotline!

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

+144146294 Reply

TinyNinja TinyNinja

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

91% agree
9% disagree
Post

"Aaaayyy, why you so souppid?"

+2020 Reply

RunThePacific RunThePacific

In response to “"Aaaayyy, why you so souppid?"

Aaaayyy Copernicus, why don't you navigate yourself to the back of the line with your feet and stand there with your shirt?

+1821312 Reply

Dwight Dwight

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

99% agree
1% disagree
Post

I used to think that the word "thing" was equal to the word "lollipop". So when my mom would say "I'm almost ready, let me just get my things", I would picture a bag of lollipops.

I really don't know why.

+5455118 Reply

Anonymous

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

33% agree
67% disagree
Post

911- hello what's your emergency?
Me-damnit wrong number again!

0 Reply

Davidplante

In response to “911- hello what's your emergency? Me-damnit...

"911 what is your emergency?"
"I'm lonely and ****..."

+991 Reply

Serg Serg

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

95% agree
5% disagree
Post

Potential Employer: "Looking at your resume, Bob, it seems that you have seven Diamond Amirite achievements."
Me: "Yes?" *beams proudly*
Potential Employer: "What the **** are they?"

+166167157 Reply

Whacka Whacka

In response to “Potential Employer: "Looking at your...

"Well, you see, there's this website called Amirite and you can get achievements for doing things like getting a post on the homepage. But diamond achievements are much harder to-"
"Gtfo of my office."
"...Okay."

+7172124 Reply

Clementines Clementines

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

94% agree
6% disagree
Post

I can just see the headlines "Santa Claus and reindeers promotes Meth." Followed by a banning of the use of Santa Claus in the media and the congress voting Christmas a vegetable.

+153157454 Reply

BurnyBurn BurnyBurn

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

97% agree
3% disagree
Post

A- list **** movie featuring Tiger Woods

+1414 Reply

OFWGKTA OFWGKTA

In response to “A- list **** movie featuring Tiger Woods

A-list ** movie featuring Tiger Woods as a straight-shooting black plastic surgeon struggling to overcome oppression in a hospital dominated by the white old boys club and their wives with abnormally large breasts. Tiger has to break down racial barriers with his charisma, charm, and intelligence. And his big black **.

+464616 Reply

Courage_Wolf Courage_Wolf

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

95% agree
5% disagree
Post

Fun fact: it is completely acceptable to put Amirite achievements on your resume

+8788111 Reply

Galileo Galileo

In response to “Fun fact: it is completely acceptable to put...

Potential Employer: "Looking at your resume, Bob, it seems that you have seven Diamond Amirite achievements."
Me: "Yes?" *beams proudly*
Potential Employer: "What the **** are they?"

+166167157 Reply

Whacka Whacka

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

96% agree
4% disagree
Post

I usually just add more pictures to the stick people, like hair and clothes. But this way sounds pretty awesome.

+47481 Reply

SuperFastJellyFish SuperFastJellyFish

In response to “I usually just add more pictures to the stick...

Conversely, you could stop after drawing just the head, body, and arms and say, "I hope you're happy. You just killed an amputee with no legs."

Then you go on and on about how he lost his legs serving in the army for his country. How he was a double agent and without him, we would have lost the war countless times and Hitler would rule the world. Then you start on his family: how his wife had terminal cancer and who would raise the children after she was gone now that their father was gone too? They'd become orphans, and very poor ones at that. They were the only two to attend their mother's funeral. Little 9-year-old Becky and her 6-year-old brother Johnny.

Without a family outside of each other, they end up in the streets. Johnny died in a gutter in Becky's arms as people walked by without a passing glance. He looked up into her eyes and with his last dying breath, he whispered, "Becky... I can see Mommy and Daddy... They're calling to me... Becky... I have to go... I have to go... See you again soon..."
She rested her head on his, tears rolling down her face. She slowly drifted off into sleep, never to wake again.

All because you couldn't figure out the word "riffraff."

+2982991183 Reply

Baconnoisseur Baconnoisseur

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

95% agree
5% disagree
Post

(Chauncy Pickles): That`s gross.

+671 Reply

dewdrop123

In response to “(Chauncy Pickles): That`s gross.

what the **** is that thing you used as an apostrophe? It looks like it's about to attack your "s"

+10410429 Reply

Serg Serg

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

98% agree
2% disagree
Post

Well, the only two countries that exist are America and Not America, and **** Not America because they're not good Americans.

+143147460 Reply

eldorito

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

96% agree
4% disagree
Post

Not for free. No, but Siriusly GET THE **** OUT.

+737411 Reply

Harry_Potter

In response to “Not for free. No, but Siriusly GET THE **** OUT.

"Siriusly." Oh, I HAVE to tell you a joke now.

Lupin: Really, Harry, I think you might have a chance with Ron's sister.
Harry: Are you **** serious?
Lupin: I wish.

+242243189 Reply

FlyingGuineaPig FlyingGuineaPig

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

97% agree
3% disagree
Post

Can you make that into a poem? Please?

+15151 Reply

Sobriquet

In response to “Can you make that into a poem? Please?


Men and women
By FlyingGuineaPig

We shit in different places
and have differences in our faces.
We don't shave the same locations
and sing with different vocalizations.
We watch very different shows
and (usually) only one of us paints our toes.
Like the cat and the dog,
or the guinea pig and the flying frog,
and everyone in the pokedex log,
We are different, and yet the same.

+21821893 Reply

FlyingGuineaPig FlyingGuineaPig

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

70% agree
30% disagree
Post

Yes. If she isn't financially ready, she either shouldn't have gotten raped or not slept around. If the health complications are hers, then it's selfish. If the health complications are the baby's, the woman should have been prepared for the consequences of being pregnant.

-12271292 Reply

Anonymous

In response to “Yes. If she isn't financially ready, she...

I dare you to go up to a rape victim and say "you shouldn't have gotten raped." tell me how that goes

+268269162 Reply

Wunderscore Wunderscore

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