FlyingGuineaPig

About me.
I'm on deviant art. Go look, or don't. http://flyingguineapig.deviantart.com/

Oh hi. How are you holding up? Because I'm really glad I'm not a potato.

Have you noticed that it's not fun to read a list of shows that people watch? But it is fun to read amusing quotes, even if you don't know what they're from?

I like:
tribbles
nail polish
magnets
the stars
my boots
and life
Also popsicles. Popsicles are good.

I hate:
pink
ignorance
obnoxious squeaky dog toys
mosquitoes
movies where the pet dies
itchy sweaters
And people who think being a jerk makes a good hobby.

I've recently had to 'come out' as a christian to my religion-bashing, proudly atheist parents. I think everyone in the room would've preferred I was just gay or something ""NORMAL"" like that.
Pro tip: You MIGHT not be an awesome parent if your kid regrets being straight.


I tried watching the bees, but there was too much bad blood between us from the time one landed on and stung me while I was sitting absolutely still. Not provoking it in any way. Idjit...


I love trivia books. My head is filled with useless little facts about everything. Occasionally I drop one in conversation, and then everyone stares at me and wonders "How the hell did she know that women metabolize caffeine 25% faster than men do?"

The human body can be drained of blood in 8.2 seconds given adequate vacuum. Mal means bad.

Red John thinks he's one step ahead, but really he's one step behind. So in effect he's two steps behind.
Or not.
Really, Jane. *I* knew what the rope was for the moment I saw it.

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I pick a random user and go through all their posts, Homepaging the good ones. Hopefully I have made someone's day that way.

"Did you threaten to grab a hold of this man by the collar and throw him out an airlock?"
"Yes I did."
"I am shocked, shocked and dismayed. I'd remind you that we are short on supplies here. We can't afford to take perfectly good clothing and throw it out into space. Always take the jacket off first! I've told you that before! Sorry, she meant to say stripped naked and thrown out an airlock. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused."



The angels have the phone box.
You should always take a banana to a party. They're a great source of potassium.
Well, I was on my way to this gay gypsy Bar Mitzvah for the disabled, when I suddenly thought, "Gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish. I think I'll kill the Führer." Who's with me?

I wanna run away with either or Three or Four or Five or Nine or- screw it, anyone but Six.


Three things I've learned from watching Supernatural:
1. Salt is useful stuff
2. Demons enjoy making kisses as awkward as possible, and may photograph them
3. Never take an angel to a brothel


My favorite pokemon games are the Mystery Dungeon ones. The personality test alternately makes me a grass type and a fire type, which makes me strongly doubt its accuracy.
I rob kecleon when I can get away with it. I'm evil like that.

Please leave all overcoats canes and tophats with the doorman, from that moment you'll be out of place and under dressed. (Only not really, because everyone else had to do it too. They'll probably bond over the novelty of it.)

[I would love to quote Cascada here, but I've yet to think of a lyric that doesn't sound really stupid out of context]

Prefects are freakin' hot in any season, you know they call me Moaning Myrtle for a reason...

"Orange eclipse, I can taste your lips in the citrus afternoon" sounds more like a popsicle ad than a song, IMHO.

I'm a Little Monster. Rawr. Don't worry, though; guinea pigs rarely bite.

I have an unusual disability.
And a service dog.
I have horrified many a mother by telling their precious angels they can't pet it.
You wouldn't pet a wheelchair, would you? I mean, if it was a really pimped-out one covered in faux fur and sequins? Don't answer that; that analogy got weird.

Oh my God night troll!

I got POTD thrice. Do you think I can put that on my job applications?

And now it's time for that penguin on your television set to explode.