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+14

You like your boyfriend, great. But your constant online declarations that he's the 'greatest boyfriend ever' are making me really wish that he cheats on you, amirite?

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+12The nice thing about texting is that you can wait until you're free to respond to one. This is also why I'm going to think you're an asshole when you whip out your phone in the middle of our conversation, amirite?
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+28Pollen is essentially 'plant sperm'. Therefore, this makes hay fever an STD. Since no one voluntarily takes in pollen, I've deduced: We are all being raped by trees. In conclusion: deforestation is the way forward. Take that environment. You rape us. We rape you right back, amirite?
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+192Ok fine, Superman can stop a bullet, flames, liquid nitrogen, and anything else really simply by just standing in front of it. But doesn't he wear spandex? Since when has spandex become indestructible? amirite?
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