She can do whatever she wants with her name (Io'd be totally neutral), and we both have a say in our kids' names (but I'm Chinese and my last name is Yap, so that's going to sound weird as hell in any hyphenation, so I'd like my kids to take my name) but I am not hyphenating my name.
Note that I'm okay with her keeping her name too. Since any hyphenation will sound weird no matter what her name is, I'd like our kids to have my name, but I'd probably go along with it if I like her name and she want to pass it on, though I would rather a daughter take her first name as a middle name. It gives her some recognition, and doesn't make stuff sound weird.
I understand my opinion is patriarchal, but I think it's as little patriarchal as you can be without being neutral or matriarchal. As stated before, neutral will sound weird, and we both grew up (born in the 90s) expecting a system far more patriarchal than mine, so I think it's a reasonable compromise.
It's common in Sweden for the man to change his last name to his wife's if he likes it/it's more 'respectable' or something like that.
OP sounds pretty chauvinistic. It's just a jumble of letters, does it really matter?
Why? I honestly don't understand why this is such a big deal. Is it tradition for the sake of tradition? Or do you need to feel like she belongs to you? I'm not changing my name and the guy I'm with is totally cool with it because he knows I love him and he's not a sexist prick.
Does it really matter? A last name does not prove how much you love someone.