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An arranged marriage is not that bad of an idea. Believe it or not, most likely your parents know you better than you do and can match you up with the perfect person. In the USA the divorce rate is 50%, but in India, where arranged marriages are common, the divorce rate is less than 2%. Think about it, amirite?

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@1347300

As would I. Especially if my parents think I am supposed to be the bride.

@mchalla3 I am a homosexual and this comment offends me.

Please explain how my comment offends you so that I may know what to do to prevent this from happening again.

@Shadi Please explain how my comment offends you so that I may know what to do to prevent this from happening again.

The part where you said "especially if im supposed to be the bride" suggests that you are male. I am "offended" because te wording suggests that you are against homosexuality.

Family pressure probably keeps them from divorcing. Not only that, since they don't marry for love, they don't bother getting divorced since they don't care if they love each other.

@stacilovesyou (Chauncy Pickles): no.

That's reasonable. We don't really know each other at all.

... You coulda put me down gently, though. frown smilie

@stacilovesyou (Chauncy Pickles): k lemme rephrase that then. my apoligies, but no. better?

... I have an idea. How aboot something along the lines of "Yes". That would be much better.

I read an article on arranged marriages in India once. When an American anthropologist explained to some young Indian girls our practice of casual dating and marrying someone you truly love, the girls laughed and said that sounded horrible. Something along the lines of, "That seems so embarrassing for the girl! She has to dress up and look prettier than she really is and be conscious about all her actions! I'd much rather have my parents choose a husband for me. These sort of decisions are too important for me to make, since I'm so young and inexperienced. I'm glad my parents are there to make wise decisions for me." I'll look for the link...

ctiscoolers avatar ctiscooler Yeah You Are +32Reply
@ctiscooler I read an article on arranged marriages in India once. When an American anthropologist explained to some young...

They might see it that way, but that's more of a cultural thing. Sure, dating is awkward, but that's natural. Maybe people should date people who make them feel comfortable. If the people are too young and inexperienced, they could wait until they're older and gain experience. If people think arranged marraiges are better, that might be true for them, and even then, that might just be a cultural thing, but that doesn't mean it's overall better than choosing who you marry.

@fangirl12 They might see it that way, but that's more of a cultural thing. Sure, dating is awkward, but that's natural. Maybe...

Well isn't the Western practice of casual dating being superior a cultural thing, as well, and there really isn't a better or worse way to choose a spouse?

ctiscoolers avatar ctiscooler Yeah You Are +3Reply
@ctiscooler Well isn't the Western practice of casual dating being superior a cultural thing, as well, and there really isn't a...

Don't you think it'd be better to actually know and love the person you're going to marry? At least if your marraige doesn't turn out the way you planned, you loved them once and it was your decision, not someone else, who screwed up your life.

@fangirl12 Don't you think it'd be better to actually know and love the person you're going to marry? At least if your...

All the parents do is pick out the person who they think would be a good match. The two people have plenty of time to get to know each other and fall in love. It is just an arranged marriage, not a forced marriage, so if the two people didn't hit it off they DO have the decision to back out and not get married.

Anonymous +11Reply
@All the parents do is pick out the person who they think would be a good match. The two people have plenty of time...

(Maddie Mary): True. It doesn't sound completely bad, but personally I'd like to pick people myself because there might be people I like that my parents don't like or don't think to pick. That's mostly a matter of personal preference though. I still disagree with the post because your parents still might not know the best person for you for various reasons, arranged marriages still aren't exactly better (or neccessarily worse) than picking who you marry yourself. Besides that, the divorce rate in the U.S. isn't 50% anymore and the divorce rate in India is low because it is highly frowned upon, so the argument is flawed.

@fangirl12 (Maddie Mary): True. It doesn't sound completely bad, but personally I'd like to pick people myself because there...

You're right about the statistics arugment; I had not known that divorce in India was a disgrace on the family and I stand corrected on that topic. I didn't mean for this post to sound as if the US should adopt this custom or that this custom is necessarily better than ours, I just meant that getting an arranged marriage would not be as bad as people seem to think, which I tried to back up with the statistics fact which I now see is invalid. I understand perfectly why you disagree, frankly I do like the way we do it here better than in India or anywhere else with arranged marriage as a custom. I was just trying to say with my post that, if in the situation, an arranged marriage may not be as bad as some people might make it out to be.

Anonymous -1Reply
@You're right about the statistics arugment; I had not known that divorce in India was a disgrace on the family and...

(Maddie Mary): It's never as bad as we think, but people are afraid of what we dont' understand. That and the fact that soap operas and annoying shows using the arranged marriage thing as a dramatic apsect, so it makes people think it's oh so horrible.

@fangirl12 Don't you think it'd be better to actually know and love the person you're going to marry? At least if your...

But of course everything about Western culture is correct and anyone who doesn't do it your way is barbaric! Arranged marriages work well on the most part, I know a lot of couples that love each other very much and have a happy marriage who've been arranged together

Anonymous +1Reply
@fangirl12 Don't you think it'd be better to actually know and love the person you're going to marry? At least if your...

Yes, I personally think it would be better, as a Westerner. Other cultures more than likely don't think that's necessarily better, since they are from a place where one's elders are given much more respect.
And that's the thing; responsibily for your actions isn't always a good thing. People don't want to take the blame themselves. If anyone from that culture ever divorced (which is highly unlikely), they wouldn't have to place the blame on their own shoulders.

ctiscoolers avatar ctiscooler Yeah You Are -2Reply
@ctiscooler Yes, I personally think it would be better, as a Westerner. Other cultures more than likely don't think that's...

What's wrong with taking responsibility for what you've done? I'd rather know I made the choice myself rather than be angry at my parents for screwing me over.

@fangirl12 What's wrong with taking responsibility for what you've done? I'd rather know I made the choice myself rather than...

Okay, the responsibily thing may have not been the best choice of points to argue on my part. I'll give you that much.
But all I'm trying to say is that we are not in a place to tell which is better, since we were raised in a culture that strongly favors one. The only way to tell would be to get the opinion of an uncompletely unbiased person, and that's truly impossible.

ctiscoolers avatar ctiscooler Yeah You Are +1Reply
@fangirl12 What's wrong with taking responsibility for what you've done? I'd rather know I made the choice myself rather than...

It has been explained to me like this:

In the cultures where marriages are arranged the spouses meet on their wedding day knowing that they are beginning a journey to learn everything about the other person. They learn everything in time and there are no false pretenses to hold up. It seems to me that it is a more honest way to fall in love. They also believe that because they don't believe "there's always another fish in the sea" that they don't toss potential lovers to the side while waiting for the "one". Sure it's no fairy tale, but it seems like there is a greater amount of respect between spouses in arranged marriages.

As a newlywed I can vouch for the difficulties of finding out all of your spouse's flaws causes. In the first year, it's disheartening because you find out that that person isn't at all the perfect match you thought they were before your wedding day.

hjos avatar hjo Yeah You Are 0Reply

Getting a divorce would bring huge shame upon your family in India, which is why the rate is low. And also a lot of women in arranged marriages are treated like complete shit and don't even have enough rights to file for a divorce.

insachels avatar insachel No Way +30Reply

yeah because after you get an arranged marriage in India, i think it's custom that you can't get a divorce or something like that.

Owljoyxs avatar Owljoyx No Way +29Reply
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@1347419

Yeah i was thinking that but they are probally not allowed to get a divorce. Or it is really hard to. That's why the percentage is so low.

Owljoyxs avatar Owljoyx No Way +29Reply
@Owljoyx Yeah i was thinking that but they are probally not allowed to get a divorce. Or it is really hard to. That's why...

No, divorce is just really stigmatized there. Get divorced, and no one will want to marry you because you failed your first marriage. That always seemed a bit harsh to me. This article is about Asian couples, I think.
http://www.nytimes.com/1996/02/...les-don-t.html

ctiscoolers avatar ctiscooler Yeah You Are +6Reply
@Owljoyx Yeah i was thinking that but they are probally not allowed to get a divorce. Or it is really hard to. That's why...

You can get a divorce pretty easily
Unless you are from a village, where pretty much everyone is an illiterate, chauvinistic barabrian. In that case, you might end up getting honour killed or something.

  • an Indian from the cities
@1347419

Owljoyx is kind of right; no need to be sarcastic. My Indian friends say that divorce is so frowned upon and carries such a stigma that many people feel like they "can't" get a divorce; religion definitely plays a part in that. As an Asian, I also find that mentality is prevalent with my own parents and our family friends. I feel like America is the odd one out when it comes to our easy acceptance of divorce.

1.)Your parents don't always know you best
2.)They might be biased and will choose someone THEY like rather than someone YOU like, for example, if they are racists
3.)The divorce rate is low beause it brings shame on the family, not because the system is better
4.) There would be more adultery if people married people they didn't love
5.)The divorce rate actually isn't 50% anymore, it's falling

If my parents chose a husband for me, I'd be pretty pissed. Mostly because I'm a lesbian.

Anonymous +25Reply

my parents had an arranged marriage but they hate eachother.....

@Ebony_Way they hate eachother now genius....

Don't be rude. You just said they hate each other. It sounded like they always hated each other. Sorry geez.

@ashnicoleluvsblg Don't be rude. You just said they hate each other. It sounded like they always hated each other. Sorry geez.

If someone made a comment about my parents' sex life, I might be fairly rude too smirk smilie

Then again, it is the internet.

Anonymous +20Reply
@If someone made a comment about my parents' sex life, I might be fairly rude too Then again, it is the...

Well the way she said it sounded like I was somehow supposed to know they always hated each other.

@Ebony_Way my parents had an arranged marriage but they hate eachother.....

my parents had an arranged marriage and they said it's not like you don't have a choice at all, you have some options and you get to pick from a group its not forced and they love each other a lot, it'll be their 28th wedding anniversary soon.

@UnknownUser001 my parents had an arranged marriage and they said it's not like you don't have a choice at all, you have some...

my parents just had their 17th less than a week ago. the thing is, they are both so goddamn stubborn they cant agree on anything so im always like"....."
plus they were brought up in really different households and families---

@Ebony_Way my parents just had their 17th less than a week ago. the thing is, they are both so goddamn stubborn they cant...

I can relate so much! My mom was rich and my dad was poor. Now were middle class, and sometimes my mom cn be a bit awkward when it comes to money...

@mchalla3 I can relate so much! My mom was rich and my dad was poor. Now were middle class, and sometimes my mom cn be a bit...

my dad came from a family that didnt even hug him(his dad was in the military, and his mom is... a lost case), but my mom came from a very loving family and her dad (my g-pa) could even by her pads... so yeah they have diff views on everything

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@1347416

yea.... oh the arguements

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@1347434

its ok- i know im not the only one whos parents dont stfu..... why do parents have to be such muggles all the time?

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@1347450

oh well, u seem like a nice person. im Rhea, nice to meet you :]

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@1347587

i like bunnies, hbu?

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@1349525

i dont know a Kristen.... nice to meet ya :]

@Ebony_Way my parents had an arranged marriage but they hate eachother.....

Ditto. Oh wait, my parents weren't arranged...what the...?

Wynauts avatar Wynaut Yeah You Are 0Reply

No, just no.

@LibbyPaigeA http://myfacewhen.com/150/

You crazy Dutch bastard!
(Austin Powers refference? Get it?)

If my father picked for me, I would be married to a racist/prejudiced jerk. If my mom picked... I don't even know. She would never do it. She's a true romantic.

@DictatorCourtney If my father picked for me, I would be married to a racist/prejudiced jerk. If my mom picked... I don't even know...

My parents would pick one of their friends' kids. I feel like they're my cousins or siblings, not romantic interests.

Anonymous +7Reply
@My parents would pick one of their friends' kids. I feel like they're my cousins or siblings, not romantic interests.

So no matter what, for people not in countries where arranged marriages are common, it's weird?

@My parents would pick one of their friends' kids. I feel like they're my cousins or siblings, not romantic interests.

Thats actually what generally happens. Which is why me haz my hopes up for ten yrs from now. Then i remembered we are different castes. Well damn.

I'd end up being a runaway bride. I'd wear sneakers under my dress like the dixie chicks.

This post made me laugh. Nice troll po- Oh wait, he's serious... o.o

I'm Indian, and although I agree that divorce is culturally frowned upon, most marriages are arranged, not forced. That means that the parents choose people that they think are good, and then the kid has a choice of yes, no, or I want to get to know them better. So its not like a dictatorship where the spouse to be has no say in the matter.

@brownboy I'm Indian, and although I agree that divorce is culturally frowned upon, most marriages are arranged, not forced...

THANKYOU, thats exactly what I was going to say. My grandparents are still together, and recently celebrated there 50th anniversary. Arranged marriages do work.

Anonymous +4Reply
@brownboy I'm Indian, and although I agree that divorce is culturally frowned upon, most marriages are arranged, not forced...

True, they can work well, but that doesn't mean they're better than the way we do things in the west, which is what the post is implying. It's also kind of implying that your parents totally know who's best for you, which isn't always true.

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@1383337

The main difference is that when you are set up on a date, you are not seriously considering marrying that person in the near future, whereas in an arranged marriage, the intention is to marry the other person. Also, because of this, dating period is way shorter in an arranged marriage situation than a western dating situation.

No one knows you better than yourself. All there is to it

You know, it's not like in the United States free will is a value or anything. And it's TOTALLY fine for parents to still have a noose around their children's necks even after they've left their parents to make a name for themselves here, too.

I guarantee you would change your mind if you read A Thousand Splendid Suns.

I think I'd prefer dating just because then I have more control over the situation. If I'm not ready for a relationship, I can be single for as long as I want. I'd also feel like there's less pressure, like marraige isn't exactly the goal. I'm not the type of person who likes to date for fun and don't want to date people I most likely won't marry, but if both of us know going into the relationship, "we're aiming for marraige", it's like we have no control over which direction our relationship might go. At least I feel like that's how I'd feel.

Anonymous +2Reply

Like everyone has been saying, the statistics are flawed because if divorce wasn't frowned upon in India, I'm sure the rate would be higher.

Also, I think a lot of people are missing the point of the post; OP is saying that arranged marriages should be more common in other cultures. Imagine if we had arranged marriages in America, where divorce is more commonly accepted. I don't think it would work out. Some people wouldn't even give their spouses a chance and divorce them immediately.

I'm from India and I think it's ridiculous. I'd rather marry a man I love and have a rough marriage than marry someone who was hand picked out for me. It mostly depends on the families though. Most of them force the girl child into marriage before she barely graduates college. Luckily for me, my parents are modernized and really open minded.

The divorce rate has never been anywhere near 50% in America. It's just a shocking-sounding myth that gets thrown around in the media a lot. The actual divorce rate is about 8%.

The myth may have originated from the fact that in some year, there were about twice as many marriages as divorces in America. But that statistic does not imply a 50% divorce rate.

The reason the divorce rate is so low is because divorce is probably frowned upon.

You marry a person with one of your parent's personality, usually the one of the opposite sex.

A lot of times in India a divorce isn't allowed. If you think about it, you should know yourself better than your parents. My parents were kind of half arranged and half self-chosen when they got married in India and they've been suffering for twenty-something years.

YOU GET LIKED KILLED IF YOU DIVORCE IN INDA! THINK ABOUT THAT

Suicide rate is probably higher

My aunt whose divorced and has 12 and 10 year old sons recently got married to a man born and raised in India..
Though he doesn't seem like what you'd expect stereotypically from an Indian man..

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