I also think it's because you kind of forget what it was like being a kid. I remember getting upset because I felt like my parents didn't really listen to me, especially when I had something important to say. I promised myself that I would never treat my kids like that. Now I work as a day camp counselour for kids and I even find myself ignoring or not taking what they say seriously. When you grow up, your perception changes on what's important and what's not. Now that I'm a teen, what the kids say may not be that important to me, but it might be important to them.
Also, I think it's a two-way street thing. I respected my parents, I wanted respect in return. They wanted me to respect them, but said they didn't have to respect me because I was the child. When I called them out on it, they pulled the whole "you want respect? don't forget about all I've done for you. We shelter you, give you food, give you clothes, a cell phone, a tv in your bedroom. Have I never given you everything you wanted?"
You may have given me what I wanted material wise, but you never gave me what I really want, for you to show your love through your actions and words, not what you buy me.
Sorry. Once I start ranting...It's hard to stop.
People forget (or don't want to deal with the fact) that parent are human - with faults just like any human. Kids tend to think that their parents should be flawless. Once someone accepts that their parents are just as fucked up as everyone else and decides to just tolerate their parents flaws, life with them gets a lot easier.
This is slap-you-in-the-face-"I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner"-true. The day I realized that my father was the same as everyone else in the world, and made mistakes like everyone else, my disdain for him faded.
I originally felt that way because he would often get into fights with family members and I would wonder "Why can't you just communicate the problem respectfully instead of trying to one-up each other with your problems." Here was this man who I thought should have it all figured out, but he kept making such foolish mistakes. Once I realized that he wasn't infallible, I changed my view towards him.
It makes it easier to forgive people when you adopt that mindset.
I personally think it's a power dynamic thing. It can take surprisingly long for parents to realise their children are fully-rounded human beings, and vice versa. Parents will always see themselves as an authority to their children, even when those children are adults. They may also see themselves as relevant in every faucet of their child's life, finding it difficult to accept that there are areas of that person's life they are simply not involved in.
This puts strain on the relationship. The parent will struggle to see their child as an equal, and the child will feel dismissed, patronised or kept down. Any situation where a person always has power over you is an uncomfortable one. Obviously, as the child grows up and developes a more independant life, the two will hopefully begin to see each other as equals with flaws, skills, opinions and complex lives of their own. Buuut maybe it never does change.
That's my theory based off of my and my sister's own experiences with our parents from how we felt as young kids to adults now. Maybe it doesn't apply to others, but it makes sense in my case.
I've been bitching about my mom on this site intermittently for over a year now, so I'll keep this short. My mom always asked me to be more independent, but now she's getting empty nest syndrome. She wants me to one day be completely dependent, and the next completely independent. Since there's no middle ground, I can't progress at all.
Because my parents can be massive cunts at times
Because a teenager's brain makeup is very different to an adult's: http://harvardmagazine.com/2008...een-brain.html
It can be nigh impossible to comprehend the others way of thinking and empathy requires understanding. This can make communication very frustrating for both parties (although the adult has the slight advantage of having been a teenager once so can draw from experience if they choose to but often doesn't think to. And even when they do, they still can't fully understand because they were teenagers in a different world as ActionMan said)
Plus adults tend to still want a strong influence on their childrens' lives, while teens and young adults tend to want to make their own decisions. THey want more independence.
and sometimes the parents do understand, too well, what they kids is thinking and having been-there-done-that, they come off as assholes because they don't know how to protect the kid from making the same bad choices they themselves made at that age. ah, good times.
Agreed. My daughter told me she occasionally smokes pot (which I suspect means as often as she can), and I felt compelled to tell her of my bad experiences with other hallucinogens. I think I came across as pathetic... but I think she knows I mean well and that I do lover her.
When I found out my son was smoking I twisted one up in front of him. He quit immediately and hasn't toked up again. I think he figured if I do it - it must be lame.
You gentlemen are old enough are old enough to have children that smoke cannabis? I am surprised that we have parents on this site. As far as I knew, the oldest people we had were maybe in their mid-twenties. Interesting.
That's exactly what I was thinking as I read their comments. It's nice to see that such a wide variety of people are discussing opinions on amirite.
Ive noticed as I get older its hard to remember the emotions you feel as a kid and how everything seems much more intense. So as an adult when a teenager freaks about because "its the end of the world" it seems silly now.
I think it's both parties misunderstanding each other. Parents forget how much being a kid sucks. They forget what it's like having no idea what's going on in the world, having no idea why they're getting stabbed with needles, not knowing why they can't have anything they want. They forget how much needing supervision at all times sucks. Children have every excuse because they don't know what's going on in the world.
Getting stabbed with needles...oh my stars!
Mostly because I get treated like I'm five years old more often than not, and when I get accused of things I am not allowed to talk back because if I do that's "backtalking" even if I'm defending myself against a wrongful accusation.
For example, one time my body was screwing up so my mother accused me of doing drugs and being pregnant. I tried to tell her no, her accusations were wrong, but the moment I tried to talk she grounded me for backtalking.
The main issue is the newer generation will always be smarter then the older one.
Smarter, more knowledgable, whichever word you want to use.
And the older generation will usually be wiser.
knowledge/information gets lost along the way too
so people in the past have access to information that we may not have access to today
I agree that knowledge accumulation grows exponential with each generation but don't see how that is germane to this post - please explain further.