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Parenting styles can be put into four categories: 1. Firm but loving (authoritative) 2. Firm but not loving (authoritarian) 3.Not firm but loving (permissive) 4. Not firm and not loving (uninvolved). The best style is firm but loving, and the worst is when the parent is both not firm and not loving, amirite?

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@1912216

this is a generalization
and like any generalization
there are exceptions

for instance (the book I listed below) makes sure to mention that
each sibling may deal with different styles because children have different temperaments

a child that is shy and quiet may cause the parent to use a permissive style because that's what fits the kid's need

here's a link about why authoritative is best generally: http://psychology.about.com/od/...-parenting.htm

and here's a link with a much better explanation on the four styles (including the results of the styles) : http://psychology.about.com/od/...ting-style.htm

fuzalas avatar fuzala Yeah You Are +2Reply
@fuzala this is a generalization and like any generalization there are exceptions for instance (the book I listed below)...

Yeah, my parents have to coddle one of my brothers to get him to cooperate.
They have to yell at me.
And my other brother is too young to tell what works. But you're exactly tight

KirstenAnns avatar KirstenAnn Yeah You Are +2Reply
@fuzala this is a generalization and like any generalization there are exceptions for instance (the book I listed below)...

I first learned the styles from a textbook though

I got the styles from
Lifespan Development:Infancy Through Adulthood
it's the first edition
only difference is that they call the "uninvolved" style "disengaged"

here are the people involved: Laurence D. Steinberg, Marc H. Bornstein, Deborah Lowe Vandell, Karen S. Rook

here's a google page for it: http://books.google.com/books/a...d=Rayh9SosAIMC

According to the text
if a parent is permissive but loving
the kids have support but they may be more impulsive and have a hard time with self-control because there were no restrictions set

parents who are firm but not loving
may lead to aggressiveness in males and clingy females
since there's a lack of support shown

of course uninvolved speaks for itself because the parent is not loving or firm
there is not much nurture

so the best choice goes to authoritative
the parents are loving and firm
they support and are compassionate towards their kids
but also provide guidelines for their children

fuzalas avatar fuzala Yeah You Are 0Reply
@1912216

This seems to cut and dry for me too.

http://www.amirite.com/758698-n...e-boxes-around

Children from authoritative homes tend to perform better all around while growing up.

@Tribune Children from authoritative homes tend to perform better all around while growing up.

Not that I don't believe this (because I suspect it might be true) but do you have any evidence to support this claim?

@VicZinc Not that I don't believe this (because I suspect it might be true) but do you have any evidence to support this claim?

"Children reared in such families typically show higher self-esteem and are more independent, but are also more likely to comply with parental requests and may show more altruistic behavior as well. They are self-confident and achievement-oriented in school and get better grades than do children whose parents have other parenting styles (Crockenberg & Litman, 1990; Dornbusch et al., 1987; Steinberg, Elmen, & Mounts, 1989)."

@VicZinc Not that I don't believe this (because I suspect it might be true) but do you have any evidence to support this claim?

I read this in my human lifespan book yesterday. I'll post the actual facts when I get out of my current class.

The only part I disagree on is the worst one. I think firm and unloving is by far the worst kind. I'd rather be ignored than ordered around and constantly yelled at and controlled.

@qwerty123 The only part I disagree on is the worst one. I think firm and unloving is by far the worst kind. I'd rather be...

it might sound bad having no love but firmness

but the one who gets no love or discipline ranks the lowest in terms of happiness, self-control, and self-esteem

the ones with firm but unloving know at least the caregiver cares enough to boss them around

being ordered around is not fun
but I'd rather if my caregiver did not ignore me
feeling a lack of acknowledgement from a parent is one of the toughest feelings
especially since that leads to the most unhappiness
and since it's the worst for a child's development

fuzalas avatar fuzala Yeah You Are +1Reply

I think the best kind depends on the child (out of the two loving kinds). Some kids are better off with permissive parents because they flourish on their own in their own way, while others need more rules to keep them adhering to good lifestyles.

@Watchful_questioneer I think the best kind depends on the child (out of the two loving kinds). Some kids are better off with permissive...

yeah I explained exceptions at the top

and permissive generally leads to less self-control, possible issues with emotion regulation, and impulsiveness

fuzalas avatar fuzala Yeah You Are 0Reply
@fuzala yeah I explained exceptions at the top and permissive generally leads to less self-control, possible issues with...

I dunno, I was definitely raised permissively. I suppose much of that came naturally to me (though I cannot resist eating any unhealthy food stored in my house when the chance arrives).

@Watchful_questioneer I dunno, I was definitely raised permissively. I suppose much of that came naturally to me (though I cannot resist...

http://psychology.about.com/od/...ting-style.htm

development-wise
authoritative is the best style I'd say

that doesn't mean kids won't flourish from other styles
someone who grew up with an authoritarian or uninvolved parent could develop just fine
but that doesn't disprove that authoritative is the best in general

I didn't specify that authoritative is the best for everyone
but looking at the results
it's authoritative that has the best results

fuzalas avatar fuzala Yeah You Are 0Reply
@fuzala http://psychology.about.com/od/...ting-style.htm development-wise authoritative is...

If you mean in general, then I agree. Most kids benefit the most from an authoritative style.

@Watchful_questioneer If you mean in general, then I agree. Most kids benefit the most from an authoritative style.

yes
I wrote this post thinking about each style individually and how they work often

also, not only does the parent influence the child
but the child also has an influence on the parent's choice of style

two siblings might grow up with two different styles
the aggressive one may face an authoritarian caregiver
and the timid one may face a permissive style from the very same caregiver

here's another layer to it
if you scroll down to "What about children's styles?"

http://www.aboutourkids.org/art...eraments_match

fuzalas avatar fuzala Yeah You Are 0Reply

The trouble with firm and unloving is that sometimes a punishment would be withdrawal of affection and ignoring. And trust me that really sucks. And it's not so much unloving as just an inability of the parent to respond to a child's emotion. They will say things like "What's your problem?" and "You're not the victim here" Also they don't see the child as an equal in the sense that tbey won't explain any rules because the mindset is that the child has to obey regardless. So they will say tthings like "because I said so" and even if a rule or consequence logically makes no sense it will enforced. And it's really hard to say what is worse because it obviously depends on the situation but authoritarian (firm, unloving) is really a pretty tough one to go through....

Faithfuls avatar Faithful Yeah You Are 0Reply
@Faithful The trouble with firm and unloving is that sometimes a punishment would be withdrawal of affection and ignoring...

authoritarian is tough
but in a country such as China
kids feel loved when their parents show discipline
they're getting attention

when a parent shows no firmness or no love
I say that's the worst because it's as if they don't care enough to even interact with you

one of the worst feelings is when a parent shows no kind of attention towards the kid
when they barely acknowledge your existence
when they abandon you

fuzalas avatar fuzala Yeah You Are 0Reply

I agree that obviously the neglectful sort is certainly not a healthy environment to grow up in but as I said it's difficult to argue what's worse because it depends on the situation. I mean I'm sure that there are authoritarian kids out there who have it much worse than neglected kids and also vice versa. And I'm sure both sides have caused teen suicide somewhere in the world. It's difficult for one person to compare better or worsr because tou can only imagine what the others feel like.

Faithfuls avatar Faithful Yeah You Are 0Reply
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