If you are in a serious relationship with someone and you guys are talking marriage it isn't too much to expect to be put first in their life, amirite?

70%Yeah You Are30%No Way
somuchcooleronlines avatar Relationships
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why first?

people have multiple responsibilities and multiple people in their lives
the priorities are ever changing

some days
you put your parent first
your sibling first
your spouse first
your kid first
your friend first
your pet first
your boss first

it just depends on who needs it the most during that time


when people get this mentality that they have to be first in order to be important
it causes a lot of insecurity

you can be very significant without being first all the time

enmeshed relationships are very destructive
and they can occur between
significant others

it can happen in any relationship

fuzalas avatar fuzala No Way +9Reply

Anyone can talk about marriage. The actual act of marriage is an enormous commitment, and only then can you consider being put first to someone. Even then, a husband and wife aren't the only people that exist in the world. They have kids, parents, siblings, cousins, and friends. I'm not saying that a spouse isn't an important part of someone's life, but I think it's incredibly self centered to believe that you matter more than other people because you are in a "serious" relationship with someone.

By the way, my comment isn't specifically directed at the OP, because I don't know anything about them. My comment is what I believe for an average situation.

rilaras avatar rilara No Way +2Reply

What does that mean? Over air? Food? I'd rather have them alive. '-'

@shelbme What does that mean? Over air? Food? I'd rather have them alive. '-'

I'll still love you if you're a necrophiliac, don't worry.

Lens avatar Len No Way 0Reply

It's important to realize that although your partner cares about you and may even want to personally put you first, it's just not realistic. You need to bear with your partner through the points in time that they can't/don't put you first. I know it's worrying at times and may make you feel a bit lonely or unloved but if you're speaking seriously about marriage you'll have to get use to times like these, they're not an issue to be fixed but a fact of life to be overcome together (ironically this may mean spending less time together). When it's over your partner will be appreciative for bearing with them and you'll feel closer than before. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Of course I sounded like I was referring to times of crisis in family or emotional turmoil wherein they'd rather be alone or something like that, and I was. You may be referring to something less understandable though. If your partner just wants to go out drinking with her friends or your partner wants to start taking yoga lessons that's also important, although you are great and they love you, people need more than one person to live their life out with. Saying they're tired of you sometimes would be putting it harshly but that's probably the simplest way to put it. To put it more considerately, people have different strengths and inadequacies. You're a great lover maybe, you might make a mean porkchop. Maybe you're a fun person to go fishing with. BUT you aren't a good sport when you go bowling and you sweat a lot when you go jogging or hey, maybe YOU don't want to do something with them so they'd rather do those things with other people.

Lens avatar Len No Way 0Reply

Absolutely. Good luck.

Fuffs avatar Fuff Yeah You Are 0Reply
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