Are we growing adult children? What I am talking about in here (which is my first very post on this website btw), is about the modern world and how I, a young, confused woman, does not understand where all the concepts of responsibility and independence have disappeared.
I'll start this post by saying that I don't identify myself as a feminist. I believe the definition has lost its power when the extremists started to grow as a number and became completely lunatic.
The today's topic? Adults that are in reality children.
Ok, before I dive in this topic, let’s take a step back, take a walk down on memory lane and remember how the world spanned before women wanted men's heads on spikes.
The problem was here for a long time and, of course, it all starts from women nevertheless. For centuries and centuries women were objectified, sexualized, disrespected, used as a mean to get assets and goods through marriage, physically and mentally abused, insulted, called the most cruel names and constantly been told to shut it, as their opinion was not even remotely evaluated or even listened to for that matter.
The confidence of women all over the world has been torn apart little by little every single day for centuries and all that went by with them not being able to express themselves in any sort of way or at least try to defend themselves. They were denied any kind of education (aside of the “cooking, cleaning and having children” routine) and kept under the power of the church, the patriarchy, which repeatedly taught the population that they are inferior, that they should listen to their husbands/fathers/brothers, respect them and, above all, to be obedient.
Furthermore, any free thinking or rebellious woman was considered a witch and burned in front of everyone to grow even more the fear imprisoning women.
Of course, as the future followed its course, we no longer have these issues, or better said, we do not have these issues on “paper”.
I am saying this because, yes, while it’s true that women can go to college now, can vote and express their opinion, can get a job and be financially independent, we still have many issues with men who refuse change (and women nonetheless). One of them being the salary difference between genders, which I find completely barbaric and quite unforgivable.
And we have men who are still clinging to the idea that, while women should do all these things, be independent, be smart, be brave etc., they should as well take care of the house, be the cook and the maid of the family and this kind of unrealistic ideas come from our childhood.
I mean think about it, as a kid, when you had any sort of problem or question, when you wanted to know where certain objects were in the house, when you needed any kind of help, generally, you turned to your mothers.
We saw our mothers do everything in the house, we saw them clean it, we saw them taking care of us and our fathers and siblings, we saw them cook, and always be reliable and responsible, so it's only natural that this image just stays blocked in our head. If you are a man, your brain associates these kind of activities as "womanly", because they've always seen their mothers do it, and very similarly, even women growing up, form this association in their brains, just because we always saw our mothers as the ones who held the shit together.
But... what about the fathers?
What do they do to help their wives?
What kind of example are they setting for their children?
And what kind of expectations are they putting on the women around them?
I mean, if you want to be a housewife, by all means, the choice is yours and I'm not even judging if that makes you happy!
But in this post I am talking for the rest of us ladies who are kind of sick and tired to repeat this concept over and over again when in a relationship (and not only).
And don’t get me wrong, many men are not even aware about the fact that they are sexist (as many women are sexist without realizing), it’s just that this idea, this connection is so deeply shoved into their minds that it became a natural mental process.
It’s normal for a woman to cook, clean, take care of children, iron etc., and it’s normal for men to not think about these things, as they've been already took care of.
And this is where I genuinely kind of get lost as a woman: why are men still being raised with this mentality by their mothers?
Why mothers can’t teach them to cook and clean, like they did with the rest of us girls from a very young age? This is as useful for women as it is for men, I mean don’t they need to eat? Nutrition it’s vital for both genders in case that wasn't clear enough! Since we are human beings, our bodies kind of need “fuel” throughout the day.
Why mothers can’t teach them how to clean?
When you go to college (which is the period when you get your first taste of “being on your own”), it’s very common to switch cities, so when you will live alone, you will kind of need to know how to vacuum, to wash dishes, windows, floors etc. for yourself (but if you want your place covered in filth, that’s fine too I guess...).
Why mothers won’t teach them how to iron their clothes? Since they will certainly need them to get out of the house, I don’t see any reason why not to educate them on how to be presentable on their own.
At the end of the day, these are not things that only women do anymore, these are basic rules on “how to live on your own” that every individual, regardless of their genders, needs in the modern society. Is as if you are a grown ass man, but if you’d be alone you wouldn’t even know how to prepare a proper dish to feed yourself!! So, my real question here, is for all the mothers that educate boys like this.
Why, oh why are you doing this to the world?
I mean, as a parent you should teach them how to do fine on their own, to be responsible, to try and be prepared to face the hard moments in life.
I am not saying to let them do everything by themselves in an early age, but for the love of what is good on this earth, try to raise them to be more responsible for their shit! Because, as it’s happening more and more often, we, ladies, have real trouble to understand your sons when in a relationship! The truth is that women are not and will never be as they used to, not all of them for that matter. Right now, after a long day of work and stress, a complete “9 to 5” where I worked my ass of, I don’t have ANY desire to come home and teach him how to do basic stuff (and even if I explain it to him, he will stubbornly oppose to accept that these are also his duties!!!).
I don’t live to cook for him, I hardly do it for myself, I don’t live to clean for him and I absolutely don’t want to hear him complain about how he doesn’t enjoy doing these chores, because guess what? I don't like it either but I don't complain like a little bitch.
The problem is, that men raised like this grew up to be “adult children”, those people who can’t survive on their own, who have the constant need to have a “mother” by their side, who are not able to face tough times and fall in depression immediately.
I don't know about you, but my mother told me to be strong since I was 6 years old!! To be observant and careful, to not take anything for granted and to work for everything that I want. Why nobody tells them??
Think about it, this is what happened for so long: when men got married, they basically received a second mom. A mother 2.0, if you will: a woman who basically cares for them as their mothers did, and guess what? They even get a bonus! He can now have sex with mom 2.0, so yey for him, right?
I know, kind of gross to state it like that, but don’t get distracted, this is the truth. I bet you know at least one couple like the one prior described.
And the worst part of all? Nowadays, because they lack the sense of responsibility so much, they don’t even get married anymore but expect their girlfriends to treat them like mothers nevertheless. It’s like, for them, the world is just a big shiny ball of wonderful and when they are told to “man-up”, they even have the nerve to get offended.
Guys, a piece of advice from all the women who don’t want to be your freaking mothers: I don’t have time for your childish drama on how you are tired. I am tired too.
I don’t have the energy to argue with you if something needs to be done around the house. For God's sake, if we live in the same house, stop sobbing and get your ass movin’ boy!
If I am in a relationship with you is because I want to be your partner, to share bills, to share house chores, emotions and goals, to share everything, to share life. I can not do all by myself, because, guess what, WHY WOULD I NEED YOU ANYMORE?
What would be your contribution?
Because breathing is just not enough.
The sad reality is that this could’ve been prevented, by their mothers. Yes, you guessed it. You, as a mother, are the most important female role in his life and you can really make a difference, but you don’t for some kind of reason, yet unknown to me.
The message here? Just one, and it’s not even for men, it’s for their mothers: raise your children to be ADULTS, responsible adults that can handle their shit and their responsibilities together, who are STRONGLY independent, who don’t need their mothers to get shit done, who are active instead of passive, who conquer their own lives.
Because what we are getting nowadays, are just lazy, weak, whining men that through their behaviors, are encouraging us to become lesbians and save us the trouble of being with them! (JK, but seriously).
Call me crazy, but in my point of view, these are the species that will eventually “die”, because as Darwin teaches us: it’s not the strongest species that survives, but the most adaptable, and they suck at adapting themselves to this new world.