Yea I've backed out of a situation when I knew it wasn't going to work...sometimes I've gone about it the totally wrong way. Sometimes I've done it preemptively by taking the whole Knight in Shining Armor approach of being convinced that I'm doing it so they can find true happiness. Maybe sometimes it's just the excuse I'm coming up with, maybe it's not...I can't say myself. I do know that I've managed to push away a lot people I really cared for.
It's even worse when you consider them a good friend..if not one of your closest.
And vice versa too
I've distanced myself because I knew I would be happier.
I have done that too
We have to take care of ourselves first.
I am slowly starting to learn that lesson
Good, better late than never.
Do you have this saved for when you're asked for boobs?
At one time I distanced myself from my family...at a time I became anti-religious...and I went through a period where I mocked ALL religions...and it was a good idea to do so.
Yep and it turned out I was right. That was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. More than one person hated me for it, but I think deep down, all involved knew and understood it was the right thing to do.
Did you find it hard to stay away?
Of course! It was a great temptation when the whole thing turned into a huge ordeal. Rumors were spread, people turned against me without even fully knowing the situation, at first it seemed I'd caused the very thing I was trying to avoid. But as time passed, things settled and I knew I'd made the right choice. I don't regret it. They were happier and wound up where they should have been all along.
So a case of "just because it feels wrong doesn't mean it's wrong". Time just needs to work it out sometimes.
Sure, I guess you could say that. In my experience, what feels right can be so wrong sometimes... emotions are tricky like that. But especially when it drives a wedge between people.
Thanks for letting me pick your brain.
Thanks for asking :)
When I was younger, I distanced myself from former girlfriends in college. Sometimes it's awkward for the girl and her new boyfriend in social situations. Never distanced myself from close friends though.
Yes and I got yelled at for being a complete idiot for doing so
How would I 'know' what makes other people happy?
Aren't we all responsible for our own happiness?
Haven't you ever been close enough to a person that you at the very least had suspicions about what they wanted or what brought them happiness?
Haven't your guesses ever been wrong?
My point Prod, is that your happiness is not dependent on what I provide or withhold. (Thank goodness, amirite?)
I agree to some degree. I had to face a very difficult situation on good Friday. My beloved dog of twelve years, woke up on Monday and refused water and food. This went on until Friday. My husband kept wanting to give it one more day. I got up that morning and he was pleading with his eyes for my help. I contacted my husband at work and told him what was time. My poor guy came up and layed his head on my lap before the vet arrived. I was crying and this seemed to upset him. I promised him I would stop and quit fawning over him. I distanced mysel until he was under the sedative. I wanted to keep holding him, however he seemed to want me stop. He went with dignity with all of there.
Barb, Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. I've faced the same torment myself with my pups. I've made the same painful decision and held my loving friend in my arms as life drifted away - and I wept.
In the case of the scenario of this post, I guess I assumed the topic was human relationships.
I think sometimes I like my animals better. Thank you for your kind words. I know you probably gave your guys a wonderful life. It hurt when Rodger my sweet pup didn't want to be coddled in the end. He said his goodbyes by putting his head on my lap. It was hard not to lose it. I gave him that in the end.
My heart breaks for you Barb. I'm a Christian man Barb. I believe in an after life. It's not taught in my faith, but I believe that animals we've loved and have loved us in return will join us.
Barb, I've learned something I'd like to share with you. First, I know that no one will ever replace Rodger. He was one of a kind. But, nothing will start your healing faster than finding a new furry four legger to love. It's a wonderful lving memorial to Rodger, and you can give a forever home to someone who will love you and yearns for the warmth and safety you can offer.
Please give it some thought. And understand I mean no disrespect for Rodger - not in the least.
You are so right. I believe in seeing Rodge later. I did go to the pound and rescued a beautiful Rhodesian, boxer mix. If you have the time go online to see what he looks like. He's two and appears in his actions to have been abused. I'm working on getting him well adjusted. He's a big strapping boy. His name is Tyson. I can never be without a dog, even though they leave us way to soon. Thank you for your advice, you're right I needed Ty as much he needed me😊
Barb - you got me weeping again! This time tears of joy. I am so happy for you and Tyson. Does Tyson look like this?
A couple of our pups came from abusive situations. Our Husky took the longest to learn to trust again. And it was a slow process. Once she made the decision, there were behavioral changes that signaled her being more comfortable and trusting. She became more playful and outwardly affectionate. Now she is a little attention whore just like her adopted siblings.
Barb, your story has warmed my heart. May God bless you and your new fuzzy boy!
He has the black boxer face and this weird curled tail. It curves around his body. He has the Rhodesian build. He is a magnificent looking dog. I will never understand how people can abuse any animal. I swear my guy Rodger is smiling at me for getting this guy and loving him. I still get weepy at times over losing him. Have no regrets as I gave him a wonderful life. Thanks Bud for caring😊
My pleasure Barb! Pups have a special place in my heart for some reason. So do the people that love them.
I have no doubt that Rodger is happy too see you happy. Your happiness was one of his main concerns for all those years.
Speaking of dog smiles - two of our pups smile - I swear Barb - they smile. Buddy a boxer / ??? mix will lift the corners of his mouth - like a regular people smile. Taz, the Husky lifts one upper lip - like Elvis except with longer canine teeth showing. I'm sure it would be horrifying to someone that didn't know her. Baby girl looks like she's about to rip your arm off, except she's actually smiling and relaxed.
Budwick, if your a reader go online to Amazon and check out my books I wrote. They are about Max a puppy my son got. My son was born deaf, this dog meant the world to him. There are three in the series. Max a hearing ear dog, Pet boy can you hear me? And Pet boy where are you? They are under my name Barbara O' Barr. Let me know. These are not children's books. They are for all ages.
I'm sure they have been wrong....I suppose I just force myself to be convinced it was the right thing to do because who wants to make that kind of fuck up?
You're right though...their happiness is just a response...nothing that anything but their own brain can create. If anything it's my own selfishness that shows itself when I think I can dictate what will make them happy.
I think in the circumstance of the original question, if I were unhappy with a relationship, I would talk to the other person about what I'm feeling. If we're not able to get things resolved then I would leave the relationship for my happiness- not theirs.
Sounds like pretty reasonable thinking to me. Thanks for the insight Bud.
When i was younger, and not forthright, yes.
Normally when a friend gets into a new relationship I find myself doing it.
It's either their jealous partner making them feel bad about our friendship or as a friend once told me, they feel uncomfortable knowing that their bests friend knows more about them and has a deeper connection than her new partner does.
So when this happens, I guess I withdraw to make it less painful for both of us.
Yea the distance no doubt can make it hard...it's built fully on trust and even the slightest negative hunch or feeling can quickly start to unravel it.
I'm sorry Prod. You are so better off without me. :)
I have distanced myself from others through depression and or/ drug friendships/relationships. In some cases it was very abrupt, and in other cases it was gradual. I have one friend I am still in contact with because she has been an old family friend for years. But I have finally managed to gradually distance myself from her over the past year or two because our friendship largely involved drugs. She now has a boyfriend so she is occupied with that now.
I regret losing one friend who was a really good friend for a few years, but she turned born again Christian and I didn't realise at the time how much of an unreliable, drug-fucked friend I was back then. Eventually she just never replied to my attempts to contact her, and unfortunately that friendship was never rekindled because she never knew how much I changed. Most of the time I have trained my brain to forget all the people and friends I have lost, now that they are so few. But sometimes I get flashbacks and I feel the loss. I guess I find it hard to form new deep connections because up until relatively recently a lot of my life has much reason to be hidden, which means I carry a lot of shame and there are things I can't tell people because I can't risk losing my reputation formed from my new life, if that makes sense.
No, I distanced myself out of fear of losing them. My insecurity caused me to forfeit a game I had won,...and sometimes I regret it when I dream about him.