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@2586486

Hey Will - you and lots of other people post 2 times. Why is that:?)

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@2600118

OH OK, one ofthe reasons I never use cell phones. , I use my home pc so it is always simple.

I'll guess that mine is not a popular opinion, but no, living together before marriage is not a good idea.

The whole dynamic of the relationship is different. Quoting part of the summary of the cited article "prenuptial cohabitation neither increases nor decreases your risk of divorce, but may foster an intentionality-dampening dynamic that heightens the risk of entering into a more mediocre union."

@LorraineTwevlehundredRaineTwelvehundred well wouldn't it be better before causing yourselves all the bother of divorce?

Not if you put any stock into research on the subject.

Unfortunately, research shows that cohabitation is correlated with greater likelihood of unhappiness and domestic violence in the relationship.

Cohabiting couples report lower levels of satisfaction in the relationship than married couples.

Women are more likely to be abused by a cohabiting boyfriend than a husband.

Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers' boyfriends than by her husband, even if the boyfriend is their biological father.

If a cohabiting couple ultimately marries, they tend to report lower levels of marital satisfaction and a higher propensity to divorce.

I think so, because I feel like I've heard of WAAAY too many stories about how people who got married first but never lived together, ended up not being able to cohabitate with each other. They felt like they loved being with the person, but they couldn't stand living with them...

It usually involved someone not being willing to clean, or someone demanding to clean too often (dishes, cloths, etc), or disagreement about pets and their roles (are they allowed to sleep in the same room? are they like a child or just a dirty animal?), if you leave the windows open... snoring (or the pet snoring).

Also abusive... one of my male friends got into an abusive relationship and she would smack him pretty dang hard... (sometimes for a pretty dang good reason, other times because she wrongly assumed stuff)... a number of us, tried to get together and talk him out of it... but he felt like he was in love... and I guess he didn't mind being smacked around... UNTIL they moved in together (after the wedding)... then I guess it became too much... and they divorced within 3 to 6 months or so.

And moody, when it's dating or not every day, you don't have to see that person/be around them 24/7... like you do when living with a person... so a number of times, I've seen in dating, where the dates show the very best of the person... outside those dates, they're a very different person. ... one needs to truly know the person they're marring, not just during dates or the best, but the every day... how are they.

But people don't fully realize living with someone until they actual do it. So while I love the idea of waiting, I feel the reality is the benifits of seeing if two people can seriously stay happy while being completely around each other 24/7 outweighs the idea of waiting

SO I think people should __//trust but verify__// ... trust is believing you can... verifying is doing it beforehand to just make sure.

No. People seem to be afraid of commitment.

@StarzAbove No. People seem to be afraid of commitment.

I'm not afraid of commitment... I'm afraid the other person's commitment will fail/fall though!... there is a difference tongue smiliesad smiliewary smiliescn smilie

@Zolfie I'm not afraid of commitment... I'm afraid the other person's commitment will fail/fall though!... there is a...

That sounds like you're afraid of commitment, if you weren't you wouldn't be worrying about someone else's commitment to you.

@StarzAbove That sounds like you're afraid of commitment, if you weren't you wouldn't be worrying about someone else's...

Yes you're right sad smilie... I'm afraid to go all in if I'm not sure the other person will be all in too...

@Zolfie Yes you're right ... I'm afraid to go all in if I'm not sure the other person will be all in too...

No one is ever 100% sure of the other person.... we all just have to take a chance and use our best judgment.

@StarzAbove No one is ever 100% sure of the other person.... we all just have to take a chance and use our best judgment.

If it's just chance than why not arranged marriages? That's very much chance based and some studies strongly suggest it has a more likely of success (ie no divorce).

@Zolfie If it's just chance than why not arranged marriages? That's very much chance based and some studies strongly...

A marriage is successful if both partners take care of their responsibilities. Cultures that arrange marriages train their children for that purpose. Our culture, where we do something we call "love", is a mess. We don't know anything about responsibilities and we don't know what "love" is either.

@SmartAZ A marriage is successful if both partners take care of their responsibilities. Cultures that arrange marriages...

And that's what I'm afraid of... people (on both side, them and me) not taking care of their responsibilities.

I believe I can take that dive head on and hard... but I feel like I'm going to first need to know that they're FULLY on board too... and I'm such a sceptic, that's going to be hard for me to do, at least until I meet the right person.

@StarzAbove You have a better chance of success if you get to know the person, and date a while.

I COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY AGREE with that. biggrin smilie

Which is also why I'm for... after dating and getting to know each other a while... then live together and get to know each other EVEN more smile smilie ... so that you know you're compatible in the same space 24/7.

@Zolfie I COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY AGREE with that. Which is also why I'm for... after dating and getting to know...

A lot of people have lived together before marriage and it didn't work out at all. There is never a sure thing in a romance.

@StarzAbove A lot of people have lived together before marriage and it didn't work out at all. There is never a sure thing in...

Again I completely agree with that... but in America the divorce rate is over 50% of all marriages now, which implies that all methods have examples where it didn't work out.

I've just noticed with my own eyes and experience those that lived together. .. or at minimum stayed over at their partners place overnight multiple nights... seem to get to know the person more.. and that gave them better insight.

But that's just from the limit knowledge I have personally seen... and there is a lot that I haven't seen

Try before you buy.

Same goes with s e x

@LiVi Try before you buy. Same goes with s e x

The problem seems to be that a lot of people are quick to promote a competent sex partner to an incompetent spouse.

@LiVi Try before you buy. Same goes with s e x

So, you try underwear and food before you buy it? a smilie

Depending on the length of time, and genuine approach, you gave the live-in partnership, it could give a decent forecast of the compatability of the union. I'd never never let my love interest's opposing view of the issue to keep me from committing myself to her if everything else clicked.

If you want to, sure.

To each his/her own.

I honestly don't see the similarities, myself. One is much more of a commitment than the other.

I dunno. The pic came with the article.

If you cant stand each other for a year or two how will you stand each other for life?

In the Navajo tribes, a boy who likes a girl might give her a fish he caught. If the girl likes the boy she might cook it and give it back. Thousands of Navajos have gotten married and raised families with no more experience than that.

The most important preparation for marriage is observing how Mommy and Daddy treat each other. Testing for "compatibility" has a poor reputation.

Who am I to judge?

Not at all. n smilie

surely, get engaged first then spend a year living together.. you need to know if you can stand to be with someone all the time. Better to try before you buy=get married. Believe me marriage isn't going to make anyone stay with you . Look at all the divorces.

I think that it depends on your situation. If you can then yes but in some cases you might not be able to. It's up to the couple to decide to. I personally doubt I'll ever get married, but I'd enjoy living with a partner.

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