Families - are you aware not every family is like yours?

I've noticed something - many people appear to see their own experience as the same for everybody else. In this case - let's say you have an amazing relationship with your parents, so you act like everyone else is the same with their parents and appear to have difficulty in listening to people speak bad about their parents and even get "pissed" at them for it. I find this ridiculous. I'm pretty close to my mother and I don't even remember a time where I thought every other mother was like mine. That makes no sense to me.

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Sofias avatar Life
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As someone who comes from a very dysfunctional family where not everyone gives a damn about each other, it's not unusual for me to not give praises to some of my family members, and that bothers some people, some even saying, "Don't say that/You can't say that", and when I ask why not, they respond with "It's your family. You have to respect your family".

Family to me is more than sharing some blood. If you treat me like shit, you're not my family. And I have no intention in acting like I see you differently.

Maybe it's because I got a taste of the good and bad side of the group of people that are supposed to be my family, but I've never been bothered with seeing someone saying "I hate my whatever family title". Bad people have kids, siblings, cousins, nephews and such. They're not all isolated from other people, so it gets a little on my nerves when someone acts like there's something wrong with me for not liking a family member.

@Sofia As someone who comes from a very dysfunctional family where not everyone gives a damn about each other, it's not...

I completely understand. Yes some people who have only had regular disagreements with say their father, expect you to stand by him if he's beaten you or your mother while drunk etc. It's like thinking outside the square is too much effort so they switch their brains off and go into cliche mode and say, "well you have to stand by family no matter what" etc. angry smilie

No, there's no family like mine....my extended family that is. We have some real nuts in the family. lol

I couldn't have put it better, you are right about this, I find it very common. Many people assume that if you haven't had relationship experiences as good as theirs, then you've caused it somehow so in real life I mostly avoid it.

@OzSurfer I couldn't have put it better, you are right about this, I find it very common. Many people assume that if you...

I have a confession: I have been having some bad moments thanks to a "family" member and out of nowhere I remembered a conversation I had with you about people assuming their own experiences being the same for everybody else (the guy that went to help a suicidal woman, and when he spoke of "think about your family" she killed herself, as it was her bad relationship with them that drove her to that state.) He, having a pretty much an average family, didn't even thought for one second those words would work the exact opposite as intended.

So this is as much your post as mine 😆 Part of it it's your words.

@Sofia I have a confession: I have been having some bad moments thanks to a "family" member and out of nowhere I...

Aw sorry to hear that you are going through that sad smilie Yes, you remembered, that was my cousin when he first became a paramedic, one of his first jobs was to try and talk a girl down from jumping and he said to her, think of what this will do to your family, and she immediately jumped. He only found out later that the reason she was suicidal was because of the abuse she had been receiving from a family member and the reluctance of other family members to believe her over him. You are right, he had no problem because his family was good and he just related his experiences of that to her. His assumption made the situation worse not better.

@OzSurfer Aw sorry to hear that you are going through that Yes, you remembered, that was my cousin when he first became...

It's okay, I'm used to it. By Tuesday, we'll be going out separate ways and I'll be fine then.

Yes, that. Still so horrible 😩

When I was growing up mom would remind us kids that, "each family is differently parented and that's OK. We don't judge how other people parent their children, but use our observations to adjust our own parenting behavior."

I tried to teach my kids the same.

The people in my family that I interact with are all great people, and I've always had a very positive relationship with them, but I do very much realize that, sadly, many people don't have that. That's a fact that is all around us: you hear it on TV depictions, on comments by other people, on talk with acquaintances and friends... So you would think it's hard to miss, amirite?

But apparently some people miss that.

Sadly, I've had people tell me that they envy me because I've had a very good relationship with my parents and brothers. I also know that family members whom I'm close to have had very bad experiences with family in the past.

Some people don't try to understand it from the other person's point of view. They don't try to understand where the other person is coming from.

It's kind of like ethnocentrism (forgive the not so good comparison).

@primeiro Some people don't try to understand it from the other person's point of view. They don't try to understand where...

I'll never understand that mentality. One has to be quite self-centred to not see that not everyone will be like them.

Never thought otherwise..

Oh I completely understand that because when I was growing up my siblings and my friends would hang out at our home because of their home life. I learned I was very blessed with the two parents that I had.

🦋

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@2611484

Lol, yeah. That's pretty much it.

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