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A relationship can only work if the man and the woman in that relationship divide the tasks. The relationship shouldn't purely consist of the typical gender roles. A man could help a bit in the household as well and a woman could bring out the garbage from time to time too. Equal efforts are important in a relationship. Relationships where the man is an alphamale with toxic masculine behavior and misogynistic views, cannot work. Women and men are equal therefore must put equal efforts into the relationship to make it a successful one.

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ThisLadyIsDangerouss avatar Relationships
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I would agreed if it wasn't for the "only". It can work like that. You can have the stereotypical roles, but that doesn't mean the guy will automatically be a sexist macho pig that sees his wife as inferior. I've met women who are happy being at home, raising the kids, and vice-versa, and the husbands are not those morons that see their wives as their possession to order as they wish. Should people enter such roles just for the expectations of others? No. But if they are happy in it, I don't agree with shaming them for it.

In the end, just don't be forced into a role that you don't fit (no matter if the society thinks that's your role or not). Not everyone is the same. Each family can decide for themselves what works and what doesn't.

Sofias avatar Sofia Disagree +9Reply
@Sofia I would agreed if it wasn't for the "only". It can work like that. You can have the stereotypical roles, but that...

After reading Zonkey comment, I should clarify: I completely agree with each side giving their same to the relationship. One side shouldn't have to put more into the relationship than the other. I don't see how that could work for the long haul.

Sofias avatar Sofia Disagree +6Reply

Relationships are a partnership, and a relationship where one of the people wants to be superior, or wants to control the other is toxic. Gender roles also don't work for everyone; some people are perfectly happy with them, while others are not. Personally, I think both partners should know how to do certain tasks, whether it be cooking, cleaning, maintaining appliances, doing repairs around the house, etc.... i consider these things to be basic life skills.

@Thedudeyouhatetomeet Relationships are a partnership, and a relationship where one of the people wants to be superior, or wants to...

I agree. I've taught my husband well. He can cook, clean the house, grocery shop....if he had to..... but I prefer doing those things. He does all the outside work, cutting grass, keeping the vehicles in running order, shovels snow....yep we like our designated roles....lol

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@2628741

Thank goodness you said this. With feminism unless a woman says something like this it's instantly discredited as sexism.

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@2628896

I know, they shame women for having families with men

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@2629729

Feminist to support sharia law, well this is something I never expected, what's next? Zebras advocating lions eating them?

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@2630544

Its a different oppression now, not women being equal or to be able to vote, today's oppression is about men sitting with open legs or rape jokes

@2628741

We don't tolerate that type of men where I live, fortunately. We make those toxic masculine alphamales' life a living hell.

I gave oral sex to a few of them. I never revealed them my trans status. I only text messaged them after the deed that I am trans. Who cares, never would see them back anyways ^^

@ThisLadyIsDangerous We don't tolerate that type of men where I live, fortunately. We make those toxic masculine alphamales' life a...

"We don't tolerate that type of men where I live, fortunately. We make those toxic masculine alphamales' life a living hell."

So let's see you did what you did in order to make them feel bad right? What I love about " tolerant people " and those are really big quotation marks is that they think they're self righteous when they are intolerant and bad to people they deem intolerant. Notice the magic circle here? The oppression of a group of people for a specific trait just because they don't fit your standards is still oppression, you are what you preach against . It's not taking off the old bad thing and replacing it with new it's just the same thing with another banner, it's only self deluded justification. Just like how people used to belittle gays and trans and others, now it's the same only the other way around plus self justification with a brainwashed ideology that the enemy is the white straight cis-gender male.

@ThisLadyIsDangerous We don't tolerate that type of men where I live, fortunately. We make those toxic masculine alphamales' life a...

"Fortunately, we make their life a living hell", Says the person who's favourite quote is "Treat another person like you would want to be treated yourself."

Personally, I don't think people's lives should be made a living hell just for being born a certain way, but that's just me.

I love how people find peoples way of living so deplorable that they defend the rights of others while denying that persons right. People are interesting creatures to say the least. I really don't have anything else constructive to say here so I shan't bother wasting my time and yours.

There's no doubt that lack of appreciation in a marriage has significant bearing. I say screw the heartless Alphas on either side of the chromosome to end this mess :)

We share some duties, but I consider the inside of my home my responsibility and my husband takes care of all the outside duties. And it works for us.

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@2630558

Not until he finishes his outside work. etc. Sometimes I let him play golf, only after he finishes his work. hehe smiliehehe smiliehehe smiliehehe smiliesmile smiliesmile smiliesmile smiliebiggrin smiliebiggrin smiliehug smiliehug smilie

Hmm....I think most all of us can agree that equal efforts are important in a relationship. I don't know, of course, how you define "toxic" masculine behavior. I do know, however, that some people are perfectly fine with the "gender roles" in their relationships.

I don't think people here have actually understood her original post and are simply responding to the downfall of it all.

"EQUAL EFFORTS ARE IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP..." I agree completely. I'm a modern Northern European guy, who isn't afraid of taking over the vacuuming or giving the carpets a bloody whack, when they need to. I find this hating absolutely disgusting. Men should clean after themselves. Why are you giving her such a hard time for being a modern thinker?

I partially agree with you on one thing, a couple must work together as a team no matter what task is given, it doesn't matter who does what as long as they're both contributing to have a better life together. My grandparents are a perfect example, they've been together for over 50 years and if one is away for a short while the whole picture is lacking. They're both dependent on each other because there are things one can do that the other can not.

As for your toxic masculinity hypothesis is utter bullshit. That's just the stupid crap stupid man hating feminists say since they view typical male traits as evil and prefer if all men were eunuchs or gays. If you wanted pussies instead of men every time a spider appeared both man and woman would shreek, do women want to work in sewers, mines, trash, heavy machinery, military, engineering? Hm? No, those are jobs filled with mainly men because women don't want to do those and that's normal, men and women are meant to be with different qualities.

I get the feeling that your starting point in the discussion is;

Woman - Good
Man - Bad

For me, that's a toxic beginning. There is no such thing as perfectly equal personalities. Someone is going to be the alpha in every relationship. Naturally a healthy couple shares in household chores - but marriage goes way beyond division of labor.

If you are looking to hook up with some Casper Milktoast for a husband, you're in luck - it appears that college campuses are filled with 'em these days.

I've notice that some of the strongest women I know of on Amirite have responded vigorously that want and enjoy a strong man in their own relationships.

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@2629006

Hi Linn - I have indeed noticed some of the strongest men are looking for strong women. Of course there are exceptions. But in healthy, vibrant, loving relationships, two strong personalities, confident in who they are, trusting in their partner, sharing ideas and responsibilities - are consistent winners.

I'd bet you and your hubby are among that group!

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@2629046

There you go!
I apologize for making assumptions.

The ability and willingness to compromise are important to healthy relationships, as is open communication.

There are tons of assholes in this world, and many are in "working" relationships.

Are household tasks ever equal? It seems that women always end up doing more...

@Sukiesnow Are household tasks ever equal? It seems that women always end up doing more...

Here's how the work around my house is divvied up. I go to work and make money, and my wife stays home and figures out ways to prevent me from spending it. biggrin smilie

@Sunny_the_skeptic Says who?

A poll on men and women both having a job but sharing the housework determined that women still did about 76% of the duties.

@Sukiesnow A poll on men and women both having a job but sharing the housework determined that women still did about 76% of...

How many people did a poll observe and how honest was it? It really depends on the couple at hand in some cases the woman does more of the work, in other cases the man, or in third cases the woman does what she can and the man can't and the man does what the woman can't but he can.

@Sunny_the_skeptic How many people did a poll observe and how honest was it? It really depends on the couple at hand in some cases the...

It was a poll where men and women said they shared everything equally. But they investigated and found it wasn't true...

I'm not saying it was true in every incidence...just moreso...

It can be true that women will pay more attention to details that normally go unnoticed...

This.

Mashas avatar Masha Agree +3Reply

I don't do windows...

As for everything else you said it goes both ways. Not just men can have extreme toxic behaviour. Women can too and it's just as bad

@ThisLadyIsDangerous Yes, I agree. It's a two way street.

just making sure, you didn;t say that in your post

@Anonymousmouse just making sure, you didn;t say that in your post

" equal efforts "

That's what I meant with a two way street. One not letting the other do everything.
Hope that clarifies what I meant.

@ThisLadyIsDangerous " equal efforts " That's what I meant with a two way street. One not letting the other do everything. Hope that...

Yeah but then you went on that men and my dignity toxic stuff as if men where the only ones capable of that type of behaviour which is not equal

So long as both are exerting effort, there is oft a push and pull, give and take in relationships.

Anonymous