Etiquette question: Several years ago, when my father died, I inherited his golf clubs. Not needing two sets of clubs, I offered my clubs to a relative. I wasn't sure whether he played golf, and when he took them I got the impression he played maybe once or twice in his life. Fast forward to today. My daughter has started playing golf. Can I ask him if he still has the golf clubs and if so, whether he uses them? If they're not being used I would like to let my daughter use them. I would feel awkward even asking, but it seems a matter of practicality. What do you think?

Image for post Etiquette question: Several years ago, when my father died, I inherited his golf clubs.  Not needing two sets of clubs, I offered my clubs to a relative.  I wasn't sure whether he played golf, and when he took them I got the impression he played maybe once or twice in his life.  Fast forward to today.  My daughter has started playing golf.  Can I ask him if he still has the golf clubs and if so, whether he uses them?  If they're not being used I would like to let my daughter use them.  I would feel awkward even asking, but it seems a matter of practicality.  What do you think?
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PhilboydStudges avatar Life
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As far as etiquette, I would ask him if he plays golf anymore or not. If not, I'd explain that I would like to have my daughter play with them for a while any see if she is going to stick it out before investing in new clubs for her. If your daughter gets serious about playing she is going to want a set made for her and with newer technology. If the guy says he plays with them every week I would not ask for them back. I'd look for a used set on ebay or something.

Will_Janitors avatar Will_Janitor You are just being pragmatic +12Reply
@Will_Janitor As far as etiquette, I would ask him if he plays golf anymore or not. If not, I'd explain that I would like to...

I like the idea of simply asking him if he plays golf anymore. He and I get along well, so I can see the conversation moving along fine from there.

Thanks Will!

I don't see any problem casually asking him...especially since golf clubs are so expensive.

I gave an orange juicer to a friend - who took it but didn't really want it - then I got the flu and bad colds and wanted it back...so I suggested she give it back to me... Ha ha... I never did get it back...so I dropped it...and bought a new one.

Sukiesnows avatar Sukiesnow You are just being pragmatic +7Reply
@Sukiesnow I don't see any problem casually asking him...especially since golf clubs are so expensive. I gave an orange...

Thanks Sukie. My ultimate fear is losing the respect of any family member. The good news is that he's my wife's niece's husband. That is, it's only my wife's side of the family. biggrin smilie

@PhilboydStudge Thanks Sukie. My ultimate fear is losing the respect of any family member. The good news is that he's my wife's...

Not likely to happen; and generally the ones who might sneer and cast judgement will have done this about you anyway...

Sukiesnows avatar Sukiesnow You are just being pragmatic +2Reply

I think you are a jerk for using the racist term "Indian Giver", you Nazi lover.

Other than that, Will is on the right track. Or simply mention that she is in the market for clubs and you had remembered that dad had those vintage clubs and what brand they were and would he recommend the same brand for her ... see if he offers them up.

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@2650348

I would have felt better had you had taken exception with the "Nazi lover" slur, but okay. smile smilie

Anyway you are correct. I got my dad's hand-me-downs. Whenever he bought a new set I would get the old ones. One of the benefits of my sister's not playing.

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@2650424

If you didn't realize that I was kidding you're not alone. I apologize for miscommunication.

@PhilboydStudge I would have felt better had you had taken exception with the "Nazi lover" slur, but okay. Anyway you...

You can't say anything anymore. People are a bunch of overly sensitive pussies anymore. "Indian Giver" is a term used as long as I can remember.

@JerryHendrickson You can't say anything anymore. People are a bunch of overly sensitive pussies anymore. "Indian Giver" is a term...

Zinc is my friend in reality (as opposed friend on the internet). He was just busting my balls. And then I was trying to be funny.. It tends to go downhill from the start with Zinc and I. I'm sorry for the miscommunication.

@Will_Janitor Ha Ha!

Et tu, Brute?

I.. I hope that wherever you are.. that it's no longer your birthday!

@PhilboydStudge Et tu, Brute? I.. I hope that wherever you are.. that it's no longer your birthday!

I thought he was kidding you, but you may be right. There's no telling with text. 🤔

Will_Janitors avatar Will_Janitor You are just being pragmatic +4Reply

I would do as Will said.

As long as you make it clear that there's no pressure and you want that relative to keep the clubs if he is enjoying them, I think it makes perfect sense. If he's simply storing them for sentimental reasons, it gives him the chance to feel good about passing the gift along to your daughter.

JanHaskells avatar JanHaskell You are just being pragmatic +6Reply
@JanHaskell As long as you make it clear that there's no pressure and you want that relative to keep the clubs if he is...

Yes. Thanks! I want to emphasize that the golf clubs are his to do with as he pleases. That said, if they're just collecting dust in his basement, I will ask him to consider lending them to my daughter.

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Don'r ask for them back. Bring up the subject of golf. Ask him if he still plays. Eventually get around to the fact that your daughter is starting to play and you are looking to get her a set of clubs. (If he offers the clubs back great, if not, I wouldn't ask) Most women use shorter clubs than men....

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@2650394

So.. then.. they were never his golf clubs either! smirk smilie And it's now time for him to pass them on to my daughter.

@PhilboydStudge So.. then.. they were never his golf clubs either! And it's now time for him to pass them on to my daughter.

Phil, I see that you have a sentimental attachment to the clubs, but can your daughter even use them? My wife's clubs are quite a bit shorter than mine.
Sometimes what we want for our kids, isn't really what they want.

@JustJimColo Phil, I see that you have a sentimental attachment to the clubs, but can your daughter even use them? My wife's...

I didn't disregard your point about the clubs. My daughter is fairly tall (5'8"), but your point was well taken. Right now she borrows her boyfriend's clubs, so she might be able to get by with men's clubs.

After more thought, I'm not going to bring it up until next Spring if at all. My daughter started her junior year in college, so she'll probably be too busy drinking to play another round this year. 😀

Thanks for the input!

Thanks everyone!!!

If he doesn't use them, you're not being an Indian giver. I like Will's answer too.

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