As a former drunk, I was not only stupid but I didn't care. My late sponsor used to tell me not to borrow happiness from tomorrow which is what I did when I got drunk. It really didn't hit me what those words meant until I got horribly drunk the last time. The next day there was no happiness but a trail of destruction left behind that slightly resembled an F5 tornado hitting somewhere.
Honestly, I was a coward that used drinking as a temporary solution rather than confronting and facing the troubles I was going through. You make a choice and sadly I made the wrong one each time. While I can't fix my past completely I can make amends and I can make sure by communicating that I don't stumble in the future.
Today, I have zero desire to drink and my life is in a good place.
I have no desire for temporary solutions.
I guess you are calling me a coward. Here, have a detailed view on the innards of Ren & Stimpy:
Correction...I called myself a coward and not you. See from In 2007 when i learned my dad's death was a suicide, I turned to drinking. Nov.11,2012-Dec.17,2012, I watched the most beautiful, intelligent, and amazing woman who was my mama slowly die a little each day from cancer and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I started losing my mind I turned to getting drunk, then on 4/9/13 I lost my nephew, I was there at the hospital when he was born and there when he died. He was my hero, and I started drinking more... In May my best friend saved me from taking my own life but to mask that pain yep you guessed it, I continued drinking. I kept doing it to hide all the pain.
I spent the entire year drinking then in October of 2014 my best friend/sister called and ignored it because I didn't want a lecture about being out drinking. I didn't realize it would be the last call I would ever get because she died in an accident. So I got even more drunk.
I hid like a coward because I felt that it was my fault everyone was gone. I wasn't a good enough daughter, or I didn't spend enough time with my nephew or best friend. I felt like i couldn't talk to anyone about how much I was hurting but if I was drunk in my head I didn't hurt nor did I think about it until I sobered up.
It wasn't until recently I realized that these things were not my fault, and I was just searching for something temporary so I didn't hurt. So no I am only speaking for myself when I say I was a coward.
I'm so, so, so sorry. It breaks my heart to think how much sorrow you have had in your life.
Thank you for sharing all this with me and everybody else on this site.
Here's something weird, it's in Finnish, sorry, but I can translate the lyrics for you, if you so happen to wish.
Thank ya. Yes life and I have been battling it out for years but one important thing I have learned is no matter what I am meant to be here.
I always hope that sharing it will let anyone know that they are never alone and there is always someone out there that understands.
Yes I would love to know the lyrics to this song but only when you have the time.
I will translate, whether you want it or not...
"Wrapped around each other, they walk through a forest,
towards the unknown, unending for the little ones.
Poor little one with a sticky hair and a scared goblin,
both so brave, supporting each other...
What was expecting them, behind the trees...
Such a beautiful flower,
which cannot be described by words,
that the poor little one wanted, with his sticky hair.
Legs heavy as lead, they did not notice,
neither of them, not the world surrounding them,
it's all just a mirage.
Through the ground, frozen solid,
they go, holding each other's hands,
without looking at each other,
without saying a word.
Mirroring from the surface of ice,
they looked at their frosty faces,
eyes so wet, disappointed at their masters.
That flower died and in the tears of sticky hair,
drowned the weak goblin,
that's what happens, it doesn't always happen,
how wished the little one with a sticky hair.
The fingers of a stranger play,
this instrument, fingers of the death,
cold and unbending,
I step through a gate,
an unknown world.
Behind it, the scenery dull,
the words have been said,
the songs have been sung,
as the Sun rises, it's dawn already,
as I drown in my tears,
I wish that at least,
the name of the beautiful flower,
will carry on and live on..."
Those are most touching and beautiful lyrics. Thank ya for taking the time to translate them.
This is a fabulous response. Thank you
Alcoholism is just a symptom of something much deeper, people get addicted to something to escape the problems of reality they don't want to deal with, the temporary relief is always nicer than being forced to face the trouble
you speaking from experience? Like, your own.
No, I've never been in trouble with alcoholism but I know what it's like to bury yourself into an addiction so that you avoid your problems.
What relief? I have been shot in the same fucking shoulder more times than I can count. I can count to two, watch me doing it... One... T... T... Thirteen? No, that's not it. Wait. One... One... One?
What other reason do you have to drink too much but to numb that shitty feeling
Well, I'm addicted to alcohol, to begin with.
Does that necessarily make me a bad person? I mean, according to Jaxxi's premise, I must be a monster or at least a 1:16 scaled model of one.
No, you're not a bad person, but you're fucking yourself up knowingly and doing nothing about it.
It is my life to fuck up with.
I am about to start a proper jogging program, though. I just need to find big enough sneakers (47 in Euro standard)...
I found an eight week training schedule, which should make me able to run half an hour straight at the end of it. Right now, being this lazy fuck that I am, with bad knees, I can barely run 90 seconds and then I'm out of breath.
No, I didn't mean all alcoholics, maybe it's mostly the women who can't function worth a shit drunk. I didn't mean to offend.
I don't like being generalized, but you are forgiven. Just try avoiding stereotypes, it really makes me pissed off and usually nobody has any fun, when I'm in that silly mood.
Well, what you have never known an annoying drunk female who acted like an asshole?
My cousin is one.
She keeps on stabbing his men. Her ex-husband, her boyfriends, I can't understand what the hell is going on in her mind. I made the mistake of telling her, where I live these days, so it's going to be just a question of time, before she comes to my flat and stabs me!
They feel too good...
Am I horrible?
I can't see you from here..
I can come closer. Here, I moved an inch.
So, you hate me as your default setting.
Good to know.
No, it's not.
I'm drunk and about to go out to buy more beer. Either you hate me or you have nothing to say. There is no middle ground here. Internet or "real life", whatever, it doesn't - and shouldn't - make any difference, as such.