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No one knows better than you Sweet Other.
You know what the two of you are doing is wrong. HE is double dipping in wrong, cuz he's unwilling to commit to you or his wife.
Do the right thing - move on with your life.

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After 10 years, I suspect the wife 'knows' but chooses to ignore her husband's double dipping.

Ive not been through it, but i know one who has. It didnt end well for her.
And trust this...if he left his wife for you, there would be someone else for him, on the side. If there isnt already.
How could you ever trust him, he is a proven cheat and liar.
And too, think of his wife. How would you feel if that were you? You have to believe that she knows something. How maddening that must be.

Things will not change in a good way in this. You have given away 10 years, and he has selfishly taken it.

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I'm going to end it. TODAY!! I feel stupid, evil, embarrassed, trashy, you name it. I have been extremely hard on myself and all women because of my own weaknesses. Thank you. I needed to hear it from someone who knows and understands. 16 years... I'm so sorry.

@BTA I'm going to end it. TODAY!! I feel stupid, evil, embarrassed, trashy, you name it. I have been extremely hard...

Agree with Linn - don't beat yourself up - that does no one any good, and especially yourself. Sometimes you just can't help who you fall in love with.

For you own peace of mind, do walk away, though. He isn't going to change, and in reality, could you ever really trust that he wouldn't be seeing someone behind your back if you were a couple?

Yes, your heart will feel like it's been ripped out, but give yourself a lot of time, go some place and give yourself a chance to heal. In time, you will have peace about the whole situation.

@BTA I'm going to end it. TODAY!! I feel stupid, evil, embarrassed, trashy, you name it. I have been extremely hard...

Good don't waste one more hour on that creep. Possibly if you cut him off another man single will take his place, even if you are alone for a bit you will have a better image of yourself/

I wouldn't try to make the guy choose. He already has. Even if he left his wife, could you ever be sure he didn't have someone else on the side? I'd say it's time for you to cut your loses and move on to a more healthy relationship.

Move on.

Walk away.

I can not relate. If you you do indeed feel stupid, evil, embarrassed and trashy, however, I can't imagine why you'd feel less so, should the man leave his wife and children to be with you.

Guys, guys,.... we can call names and make moral judgement calls all day but that's really none of our business and it's not going to change or help the situation. The lady just asked for our advice and we gave it.

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I admire the fact that you sought advice on such a deep and personal part of your life. I have been where you are at, so I understand first hand the confusion and pain that you are feeling. Honestly the best thing you can do is move on. He is telling you what you wanna hear which is something I didn't see for a long time.

Please don't beat yourself up. Love makes us do some really silly things. Sadly I believed a fairy-tale relationship that was built on nothing but lies. I believed things would changed but they didn't then I woke up and realized I was getting played and just strung along. Ain't gonna lie I beat myself up for months over it but I wasn't nothing that I kept thinking I was after it was over. Trust me moving on, you will find someone special that makes you feel special.

I wish ya the best of luck.


Yes, you're being stupid.
You refuse to learn from your mistake ... staying in a relation where HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. If he did, he would divorce his wife and marry you.

Nobody here can answer that for you and you're smart enough to figure it out. Do what you're going to do and live with the consequences. After 10 years, you know where things stand with the guy.

Yes you are entirely STUPID, anyone with a brain won't waste a moment for a married man. He cheats on one he will cheat on you too.

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No excuse for betrayal.

Bottom line: The whole scenario you're in is utterly messed up. You're having an affair with a scumbag, there is no other way to describe him, this person has a wife and children and he's having an affair with you.

If I were him I wouldn't ruin the family I already have for a fling, in my opinion you're being played, and you are too naive to see past the excuses and delude yourself you will get to be with him.

You should get yourself someone honest, as the saying goes if the traitor is betraying his side to join you what is the guarantee that he wont do the same to you? Men such as your lover don't have my respect, I will cut you a break because you're emotionally affected and too blind to see that this whole thing is a mistake.

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The married person is always the biggest scum because the single person has no obligation, just poor morals , which certainly is bad, so ya they are both scum, the man however is the larger scumhello smilie


Because she is so naive that she believes that he will end his already established family to marry her. If she were a true scumbag she would't care about divorcing the other woman. What do you think?

@Sunny_the_skeptic Because she is so naive that she believes that he will end his already established family to marry her. If she were...

I agree with ShowVan. She's not innocent. She could be half of the reason for the destruction of a family. Neither are scumbags; they're doing something wrong.

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Sunny's first reply suggested that she was innocent due to naivety. I know what she said. I understand the English language.

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She would be ecstatic because it would be ok to be with this guy, but I see your point.

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I disagree with your statement but I agree we don't know the circumstances. Regardless, cheating on your spouse is no way to show your discontent with your marriage, there is no acceptable excuse for cheating.

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So instead of walking away you'd recommend cheating?

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There is no way to turn this, it's unacceptable in every way. Cheating is a scummy move and such people deserve to get caught and their marriage to be in shambles. Whatever the reason this is never the answer.

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The more you talk about this the more I'm convinced you're advocating adultery.

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But John, we're not talking about some casual situation or an accident here, we're talking about doing something terribly dishonest. I don't care what possible reason people could have to cheat on their spouse, swindle money out of people, steal and etc. The way I see this, me caring as to why this was done goes out of the window when we're talking about such nasty actions. Yes I don't have a lot of experience with this and you may have points about this, but I just can't close my eyes when it comes to this.

It's horrible that families are broken in consequence but you can't use this as a reason, let's put it the other way around. If they don't want their families ruined then why give in to the lust of some random fling if they risk so much? And tell you the truth sometimes separation is better for marriages that just dont work, I'm sure I've discussed this with Sukie once and she preferred separation than a bad family

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JD pointless to argue with that one about anything. allthethings smilie