How can a woman who has lost interest in sex be so selfish to not give it up to her husband who still desires it? Isn't that totally selfish?

I have friends who haven't had it for some 5-8 years because their wives aren't into it anymore. How can a woman say she loves her man but cut him off intimately and expect him to stick around and not resent her for it?

15% Yes very. 53% No she has the right. 12% I don't know 21% Other
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So, she should put out just cuz he wants it? Ahh, no.

Sex is more than a bodily function for Pete's sake. It's a shared, intimate experience. If she is shamed into having sex, it becomes no more meaningful than taking a dump.

Budwicks avatar Budwick No she has the right. +11Reply

There's usually a good reason for losing interest. Don't blame the woman, maybe the male is to blame as well. If a marriage depends on sex alone, then that marriage isn't worth saving. They should seek counseling.

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@2707501

I agree 100%. I think that's why a lot of marriages fail, once the honeymoon is over, and the day to day life begins, marriage isn't what they expected.

@StarzAbove There's usually a good reason for losing interest. Don't blame the woman, maybe the male is to blame as well...

I agree, it's a team effort and if something is lacking then it's on both of them, sex is not the foundation of marriage but is key to a happy and fulfilling one.

I agree with what you've said. I went ten over ten years in mine with no sex because of this, then she left me anyway so it's a wonder that I am sane enough to make any sense at all about anything. I also never cheated once and tried hard to be a good partner hoping things would change. But I think part of it was some underlying health issues but still. We only had sex before we got married, then suddenly there was no interest, so the idea of being married again terrifies me for this reason. For me it was like a death sentence for sex.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +6Reply
@JustJimColo Wedding cake has that effect sometimes. Don't know what they put in it.

I had uncles tell me about this when I was younger and i laughed at them. I thought it would be totally different for me.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
@Sunny_the_skeptic Damn it Oz you're scaring me, I'm starting to fear this fate.

Sorry, didn't mean to. I'm sure there are plenty of married couples that do, somewhere. Maybe it'd be a good poll to post somewhere, asking anyone who's been married longer than say 5 years, how often they have sex? It probably wouldn't work on here because you'd need anonymity. I'm a member on Similar Worlds and they have a large membership base, I could post it and see?

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +1Reply
@OzSurfer Sorry, didn't mean to. I'm sure there are plenty of married couples that do, somewhere. Maybe it'd be a good poll...

No need for anonymity, simply a question for the married users to confirm or deny if the no sex after marriage stereotype is true

@Sunny_the_skeptic No need for anonymity, simply a question for the married users to confirm or deny if the no sex after marriage...

Yes you’re right, that’d be simple and straightforward. I will try and get back to you with the results

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +1Reply
@Sunny_the_skeptic No need for anonymity, simply a question for the married users to confirm or deny if the no sex after marriage...

Ok so I’ve asked it now. I gave 4 choice options
Sex after marriage:
Increased
Decreased
Stayed about the same
Stopped completely

I’ll be back with the results :)

Results so far:
56% decreased
24% increased
20% stopped completely

Just going to sleep. I’ll post an update in the morning. It’s getting a lot of votes and it’s not looking good for sex lol

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +1Reply
@OzSurfer Ok so I’ve asked it now. I gave 4 choice options Sex after marriage: Increased Decreased Stayed about the same...

Here's the next days update:

36% decreased
18% increased
19% stayed the same
27% stopped completely

So it's not an accurate statistic by any means but it's interesting.
Roughly speaking, once you both bite that wedding cake you have as much chance as getting the same amount of sex or more, as you do with getting less sex or none at all.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. 0Reply
@OzSurfer I agree with what you've said. I went ten over ten years in mine with no sex because of this, then she left me...

How can you cure an Irish nymphomaniac? Marry her. (bah-dum-cha)

It's never been years in my marriage (at least not yet) but it can be months. We've talked about it and to be honest I don't really understand the reasons. She can assure you that you're loved but at times it certainly doesn't feel that way. The only thing I can do is keep the lines of communication open.

@PhilboydStudge How can you cure an Irish nymphomaniac? Marry her. (bah-dum-cha) It's never been years in my marriage (at least...

I’m sorry you are going through that but it sounds like you are managing it well. I think I’m my situation when my partner ever got stressed or upset she wanted to withdraw and be on her own. I’m the exact opposite, I want to talk and cuddle when I feel that way. But if you are still communicating this is great to hear! :)

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
@OzSurfer I’m sorry you are going through that but it sounds like you are managing it well. I think I’m my situation...

'Many people have been in similar situations'.

Suffice it to say, I can attest to the truth of that statement.

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OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +1Reply
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@2707024

In other words you're saying you're fine with it now and it doesn't bother you as much as it would in the past.

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@2707231

My sister is a nurse and she was telling me that so many guys these days over the age of 30 have erectile issues. It's probably due to diet and unhealthy lifestyles I guess.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +3Reply
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@2707247

You are right, this is sadly so common. Brothels are populated by guys who are cheating on their partners because they say they aren't getting it at home or, she's not interested in a specific kink they have. Yet at the same time, the girl is supposed to always be interested and as well as that, be sensitive to his ego and help him though is dysfunctional times.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +3Reply
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@2707251

Yes, pretty much all women I've talked to have said the same. I can understand people having issues, but I can never understand cheating. If you have an issue just talk about it and just because communicating doesn't always yield results isn't an excuse to cheat either.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
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@2707256

That seems to be very true. I have felt from even my pre-teen years that girls were always much better communicators while boys just seemed more about goofing around, practical jokes and hitting you for no reason. That's not to say I don't know some great guys who communicate brilliantly but it's the exception I think. I have always enjoyed talking with women and trying to improve my communication and empathy skills, particularly given what I see was my failure in that regard.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
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@2707268

The only woman I've personally known that cheated was my sister, and she was in an abusive relationship and was trying to leave but her ex wouldn't take no for an answer. Personally though I don't see that as cheating since she felt unable to verbalise her wishes to leave due to the physical repercussions.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
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@2707283

Makes sense to me.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
@2707283

That I agree on, for most men sex is a physical need, a lot of women dont understand that as well as we dont often understand that sex is a lot more emotional and mental for women

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@2707279

Maybe I have had them too, but I just blamed myself for communication issues?

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
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@2707575

It sounds like if you ever do decide to get married, you won't be rushing into it and will do it for the right reasons. Can't ask more than that from anyone.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
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@2707581

Me neither, I totally agree.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
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@2707271

Yes definitely both of those. There's a girl at work I was talking to and she was telling me that her and her husband are wanting to start a family and she wanted to know if lack of interest in sex was common for guys in their late 20's especially erectile dysfunction? After saying NO! I asked her about his lifestyle and the guy drinks like 12 cans of beer a night. Seriously nothing is going to function doing that. Lots of guys here do that though, it's very common. If I had a partner that I loved I wouldn't go near alcohol and my diet would probably be more fanatically health driven than it is now.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
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@2707214

I completely agree! I guess for me it was just a very lonely time, especially when I never knew what the reason was and I was trying my best to be sensitive to her needs but also never pushy or demanding. I just felt unloved and my self-esteem went down with every rejection.

Also others who I tried to get advice from kept telling me that I should be a bit more forceful and show that I'm interested, but this idea felt completely wrong to me and I would never do that so I felt alone and misunderstood.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +3Reply
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@2707234

I know what you mean. The thing was that for the two years we were together before we got married everything seemed perfect, there was so much intimacy and we felt so close. I just don't know what changed, but my feelings never did, that's why I kept trying and hoping that some how things would get better. Also I was brought up to believe that once you committed to a marriage that you didn't quit just because you were going through a tough time. The only thing was, my tough time went for over ten years.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +3Reply
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@2707254

At least you recognises that so in a sense that is more admirable I think, that you haven't taken on something that you don't think you'll be able to see through.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +3Reply

I'm sorry to sound depressing and self-focused on this post. I always struggle at christmas time being on my own and trying to maintain a balanced view of relationships. I do think it's a worthwhile post even though I don't agree that women are to blame if they lose interest in sex. I would never force something like that ever and would love to think that intimacy issues could be overcome or at least understood through good communication. Although that never did work out for me sad smilie

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +4Reply

Men need to use the same wooing methods in marriage as they use outside marriage. It is 90% on them to make it happen.

However ejaculation for men is like other elimination needs and those who deny that are, well, in denial. Men must ejaculate or they become aggressive and bitter.

Women who achieve orgasms regularly are happy and healthy. If her partner is not putting her needs before his own he is a cad. If she is not willing to facilitate his ejaculate then she either doesn't understand the need or she doesn't belong in a heterosexual relationship. Intercourse is nice but love and support for the necessary biological functions of sexual ejaculation should be part of all heterosexual relationships.

VicZincs avatar VicZinc Yes very. +3Reply
@VicZinc Men need to use the same wooing methods in marriage as they use outside marriage. It is 90% on them to make it...

Yes, but the personal relationship has to be in good shape for the things you describe to happen.

Otherwise, they won't feel like it, or at most, just go through the motions.

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@2707237

Agreed. It doesn't help. I said it happens, not that it's good or fair, it is what it is.

I guess you've not had to go for a long time without an orgasm or you would know that.

VicZincs avatar VicZinc Yes very. +1Reply
@VicZinc Agreed. It doesn't help. I said it happens, not that it's good or fair, it is what it is. I guess you've not...

For clarification, Vic, I assume you mean an orgasm provided by another person.

Otherwise, no one need go for long without one, unless there is some functional disorder.

@Thinkerbell For clarification, Vic, I assume you mean an orgasm provided by another person. Otherwise, no one need go for long...

I have heard that some partners make it difficult. Shaming or otherwise interfering. Providing a safe and loving environment for masturbation is the very least a partner can do if (s)he is unwilling to participate.

Participation can be physical, it can be a fantasy tale, an striptease, shared viewing of videos or simply privacy without judgment.

But sneaking around trying to choke a chicken when no one is looking is more stressful than necessary in a loving relationship.

VicZincs avatar VicZinc Yes very. +1Reply
@VicZinc I have heard that some partners make it difficult. Shaming or otherwise interfering. Providing a safe and loving...

Well. gee, I find it hard to imagine someone who doesn't want to have sex being such a dog in the manger that they would also object to the deprived partner pleasuring themselves, but still regard the relationship as loving.

Sounds like something John Harvey Kellogg might have done. wt smilie

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J...ion_prevention

@VicZinc Or both of my brother's ex's

But since they are ex's, the relationships must surely have ceased to be loving at some point, and maybe the objection to wanking was really just another excuse for complaining. Unless of course the wanking preceded the loss of interest in sex.

I've known several girls that were more than a little bit hurt to discover that their S.O. spent more time with porn than they did making love with them.

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@2707595

Assuming the man can squirt, he pretty much needs to - every day. His partner should either help or at least make it easy for him to achieve that without shame.

VicZincs avatar VicZinc Yes very. 0Reply
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@2707825

Yep.

There is making love. But there is a biological need to squirt. Keep that in and it causes as much street as holding in a poop.

Might seem gross or non-romantic because it is. Male ejaculate is both a bodily function and a potential source of offspring. Sadly many women and some men don't (Or won't) get this.

VicZincs avatar VicZinc Yes very. +1Reply
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@2707098

Lol it's funny and sad at the same time

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@2707432

That's why its both of those at the same time. What was the absurd decision of not too long ago? Uae in charge of women's rights?

Glad I'm still having sex regularly after 40+ years of marriage. Some nights, my wife even joins in.

Are you serious? First of all: No one owns anyone's body..even spouses.Second of all, I notice you are blaming the woman, because of course men are OWED sex, right? How awful and "selfish" would a man be if he didn't whip his pants off any time his wife wanted to? I don't know about you, but I certainly would never,ever want to be having sexual relations with anyone who didn't want to be involved. Also, marital rape DOES exist. A marriage license is not a free for all on your spouse's genitalia. Life happens. We are not machines. There is NO reason to put this kind of garbage thinking forward. No one owes anyone their bodies.

Trishs avatar Trish No she has the right. +3Reply

The first two options aren't mutually exclusive. People have the right to be selfish.. especially when it comes to their own bodies.

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@2707607

I believe that if you are truly a strong and confident male then someone posting something anti-male isn't going to make you feel like your sexuality is threatened. Mostly people who post something over the top anti male are either stirring or are generalising as they have had some horrible personal experience in their past. Either way we should be mature and confident enough not to antagonise the poster and make things worse.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
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@2707644

Some of the posts I’ve seen on YouTube about this from the extreme male rights groups are really bad. Then they post links to apparently hateful feminists so you go and look at the links with an open mind and they are mostly calm rational women asking questions while the males sound like twelve year olds throwing a tantrum. And if you tell them they’re over reacting your called a white knight, whatever that is.

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply
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@2707666

Yep, and they wonder why they aren't in a relationship lol

OzSurfers avatar OzSurfer No she has the right. +2Reply

If a woman wants no sex that is that. For me it was always painful, I am single and expect to be this way. A married man that isn't getting sex might want to get divorced, i wouldn't blaim him. . But cheating is not the answer.

I know of relationships that the *** continued long after love and affection was gone. Selfish? IDK

She has the right to refuse sex and he has the right to want it, if she refuses to put out he has the right to leave her, when the needs of two people together arent met the relationship is doomed. I would leave such a relationship. I dont think it's selfish but rather loveless and pointless to remain in such a marriage.

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@2707611

Im just using a term here, for the sake of not repeating the same word.

I think it's very selfish in the case where the man does not have ED and has a healthy sexual appetite for her to lose interest and quit showing the love. Does she expect him to feel good about himself and not look elsewhere? If you don't want

What happens in the sex life of another womans relationship is not my business to resolve or complain about.

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