Let me tell ya a little story about Santa.

Santa started out as a pimp in Amsterdam. He wore a purple velvet hat and a pair of mirror shades. He had that ZZ Top thing going on. Well, ya know what they say about sampling the merchandise? Mrs. Claus was his best whore. She brought in big money clients from around the globe. Santa had to see what all of the fuss was about. He saw what the fuss was about alright; that's why he married her. She could actually play the trumpet like Louis Armstrong, on his WEINER!!!! Actual music.
Then poor Santa got old(this was way before they invented Viagra.). The thrill was gone and he figured: "Hey, giving toys to kids makes me Happy too!" It was all well and good until they started sitting on his lap to tell him what the want for Christmas. Diapers weren't like they are today and they just kept peeing on the poor guy's lap, in PUBLIC! People were pointing at him and laughing as if he pissed himself. Now he says "Mom, keep the kids back please." That's why people think that Santa is mean but they just don't know the guy's story.