Would you ever consider reconciliation with your ex if she called you every day and told you that she loves you?

Even though another woman tells you the same thing every day also and wants to move in with me. I'm totally confused as one or the other is going to be hurt!

Image for post Would you ever consider reconciliation with your ex if she called you every day and told you that she loves you?
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@2781683

No, she doesn't drink anymore.

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@2781687

It's the other woman who I've been seeing that's driving me nuts about this.

with which decision do you see yourself being happiest in the far future? which decision is healthiest?

Probably not. Then again a few of my exes are still friends,but nothing more.

No one can make this decision for you. A lot depends upon how committed you are to your current girlfriend and whether or not you are willing to lose her for an uncertain future with your ex. Do you still love your ex enough to risk everything? My heart is with you, buddy. u smilie

Your girlfriend urgently wanting to move in should make you think hard. Why is it that she wants this? Does she support herself well? Have a comfortable space of her own? If she does, she is willing to give that up for you. That's positive. If she is looking for creature comfort, think twice.

As far as your ex...you have stated here how irritated she makes you. Think about full time irritation. You once loved her enough to be partners, that really will never leave you, but it evolves. You can still care for her deeply, but be unable to live together. Or completely trust. Trust is really a huge issue.

Either way, i would be making sure both of them are self sufficient before they could live with me. At this point in our lives, being emotionally supportive is all that we should be required to be.

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@2781693

I know the situation is tearing me apart!

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@2781716

That's good thinking. One or the other is going to be hurt and I really hate to hurt people! cry smilie

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@2781768

Good point. Thank you.

My advice would be to do what is best for YOU! Someone will be hurt, but don't let it be you!. Maybe take a break from both of them until you know for certain what YOU want to do. Just don't forget why you divorced in the first place. People never change.

@Rooster It hurts me to hurt either of them but Thank you for the advice.

I know. You're a tender hearted soul, but when three are involved someone will get hurt.

@StarzAbove I know. You're a tender hearted soul, but when three are involved someone will get hurt.

I know I'm hurting pretty bad right now and hopefully something will help me make up my mind.

@Rooster I know I'm hurting pretty bad right now and hopefully something will help me make up my mind.

So sorry you're going through this, but I know you'll make the right decision.

No ... I'd consider a restraining order, and blocking her number.

One of my beliefs is to consider everything... so most subjects I would consider no matter what... even if that consideration only last a second or two.

As far as exes goes... I've always gone back to the whole, why are they an ex in the first place? ... I mean something happened... is that something still happening? Could it happen again? Etc.

No, I'd tell her to stop calling. I've been with my wife for 28 years; can't have ex ruining that.

Now, your situation? I just haven't got an answer besides "people rarely change."

There's an awful lot we don't know and probably shouldn't know about your particular situation. That makes it difficult to respond.

I understand the emotion pulling you back toward the ex. She is a known quantity. I also understand the emotion pulling you to your new love interest. She helped you heal.

If my ex had left me - I don't see how I could ever trust her again. She calls every day and says she loves me? Where was that devotion when she left?

There's stuff going on in the old relationship that enabled the break up. You need to identify what that is / was and what if anything has changed. In the meantime keep the new love interest hanging. And oh yeah, tending to your own emotional damage.

For me, it would be difficult to go back with the ex.

Now, if it was me that left the ex - I'm afraid I can't offer insight.

@Budwick There's an awful lot we don't know and probably shouldn't know about your particular situation. That makes it...

I left her because of her drinking and verbal abuse. Now that she has pancreatitis? She hasn't had a drink in months and I think that woke her up to reality.

@Rooster I left her because of her drinking and verbal abuse. Now that she has pancreatitis? She hasn't had a drink in...

Let me say Rooster, I'm kind of a hard ass on such topics. I know alcoholism is considered a disease, but unlike pancreatitis, alcoholism affects everyone around the alcoholic. You know that all too well.

Stopping the drinking may allow the pancreatitis to subside. But it does nothing to heal the emotional damage to the alcoholic or the people the alcoholic hurt along the way. THAT requires some lifestyle changes.

Has she joined AA? How long? Talk to her about it. If all you hear is stuff about quitting drinking - she's not done. Significant breakthroughs revealing inner emotional stresses and learning to cope and change are the kinds of things you want to hear.

Consider an AA offshoot for yourself. ACOA comes to mind, but there maybe another group more directly for spouse of alcoholics. Living with an alcoholic long term can have effects on YOU - emotional ones. Things that change the way you react and respond to situations. I would encourage you to look into this whether you get back with the ex or not.

I'm sure the situation feels like it needs to be responded to right away. Rooster, I'm suggesting that you move slowly. You need to take care of YOU first, or you won't be good for any relationship.

You've got some rough water ahead my friend.
I will pray for you.

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