+154 So many people wouldn't date someone who's living with their parents, but have no problem dating someone who's living with their spouse... amirite?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Multigenerational families homes are more common than Americans think. 3+ billion Asians (Chinese and Indians for example) live in such households where adult children continue to live with their parents even after marriage. In fact, I think nuclear families may be a minority.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This still leads to lower birth rates though. If you can't boink on the kitchen counter in a sudden burst of horniness then the chances are Mom will never become grandma.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Depends completely on why they are living with their parents.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yep, the context matters. Are they helping to take care of the parents/younger siblings/sick pets? Are they disabled or recovering from illness/surgery and waiting to move out til they're better? Do they have a job or are looking for one? Or are they chronically unemployed? Do they slack off and mooch money? Are they capable of keeping a house in order? Caveat being that living with the parents puts a damper on sexy times no matter the reasons. So I can understand partners being put off by that.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Context is the single most important aspect regarding relationships, so of course, context matters on this end as well

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Maybe it's vice versa and their parents live with them. Sort of like in that TV show Frasier, you know?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I wouldn't wanna be with someone that negativity judges me for living with my parents. I don't have enough money to choose a decent enough house to outweigh living with them (even though I have a job), I love them, they love me, I'm not a nuisance, they haven't had time to teach me everything there is to know to live alone. We're waiting for the right moment.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I live in a big city with my mom. She's retired, beaten cancer twice, and honestly, I don't make that much money. I could move out and struggle to pay rent, and she could downsize… and struggle to pay rent. Or we can live together, share expenses, and take care of each other. If someone looks at that and doesn't want me for it? I don't feel bad in moving on.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Exactly. I live with my aunt to take care of her. I actually have my own place that I am in the process of selling, but I am here so she isn't alone. She is moving down south by my parents late next year, and then I will get my own place again.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Multi-generational living is normal in other countries, it's in America that we shame people for it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

UK here too, although it seems so common now that it's almost elitist to shame someone for it

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Whether it's shameful to make prudent financial choices shouldn't dependnon how common it is.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Western culture globally. In europe too.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Not all of Europe. In places like Spain, Italy, and Greece it's perfectly normal for one to still live their parents till they get married.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Let's just narrow it down to the Anglosphere taking issue with it

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I expect there to be a shift in that attitude just due to -vaguely gestures at the world around us-

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I mean there's a difference between living with your parents to take care of them or to save up money, and living with them because you are lazy and don't want to get a job or have any aspirations

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>they haven't had time to teach me everything there is to know to live alone. There's not much to it honestly. It's mostly just a lot of cleaning and cooking. I'm joking a bit because there's obviously more to it but seriously, it's *mostly* just cooking and cleaning.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

A constant rotation of doing the dishes then doing the laundry.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's the worst, it never ends!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You'll never know everything you need to know about living alone until you do it. However, financial security and confidence are massive boosts to your ability to manage.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>I don't have enough money to choose a decent enough house to outweigh living with them Can't speak for everyone but this is likely the *actual* problem. People who can easily afford stuff have less problems finding a partner *even if* they still have their parents around. Society is evolving, but on a slower pace than internet and media make it look like. We still have a lot of men that see female partners as maids/guaranteed sex and women who see male partners as piggybanks.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>they haven't had time to teach me everything there is to know to live alone. Huh? People expect their parents to teach them this?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

the part you've quoted is the wildest bit for me. The person who wrote it sounds sheltered. "How will i know how to clean a toilet if mommy doesn't demonstrate it for me?"

by Anonymous 1 year ago

For real. It's mommy's special boy making excuses for why he'll never grow up. And women wonder why they're forced to take care of their husbands.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"they haven't had time to teach me everything there is to know to live alone" There's the turn-off. Generally speaking, someone in their late 20's and beyond that hasn't built up the skill set required to live alone prosperously isn't someone I would want to date (personally). Too much risk of having to take over for mommy if it got serious and I started living with them

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I lived with my parents for a time in my twenties to my thirties. My dad had a stroke when I was 26. He had permanent brain damage. My mom has to work to get her pension and they couldn't afford help. I was finishing up my degree, but I dropped out. I helped until I was 33 and my mom retired that June. That November, she has a stroke herself. Ever since that time, even years after when my dad's in a facility and my mom passed from Covid... even now... I don't believe a single woman when she says she wants a family oriented man. Not. One.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Family oriented man = guy who spends all his free time at home with her

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Was about to say the same. However if your girl does get along with your family it makes things easier.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You've been through tough times buds. On some levels I can relate. You have your battle scars. Life isn't easy, but your experiences shaped you into the person you are today

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You are an inspiration for me. You have my word that I will personally take care of my parents like you have.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm sorry to read this, must've been really hard on you! I know it doesn't mean much but I'm sending you my love and strength! I hope things have gotten better for you

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think you are looking at this only through your lens. Family oriented man does not mean your parents, it means the family you and her have ie you, her, and your kids. Imagine all the time you had to spend with your father and mother with all the caregiving. It is most definitely an admirable thing to do but it is also draining and quite stressful, do you think a partner would want to start a relationship with that kind of stress?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As someone who spent a few years in Asia, I wish the US would normalize staying with families. It consolidates wealth and can provide tons of support. Going out on your own costs more money, removes you from a support system, and exposes you to more risk through housing deals/arrangements with strangers. All of these are not good things. Yes, I realize there are exceptions of people who need to get away from their family and those who just want to be on their own.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Not Just Asia its common in Africa.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Also common in Brazil, people usually just move out when they're getting married, or if they really need to move out (either for education or job purposes).

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You missed the part where often you have to move out if you want to go to the college or university of your choice

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Really you don't. There is a misconception that you need to go away. This is coming from someone who went away to school. Housing was 3/4 of my college costs. I would have been able to pay for the entire thing if I didn't move away. I would say only very very rural places don't have the option of staying at home and attended college.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Did you read what I typed though? I said if you *want* to go to a uni of choice, which could be across the country or hours away. Sure there are probably options close by where you don't have to leave home. It all comes down to preference.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah but you missed the part in life where you don't always need what you want. Yeah my preference is nice fancy things and independence but most kids don't need that at 18. many kids get caught up thinking they need all this stuff but it's only things they want and who wouldn't want to go to some fancy party school? If it's not something you need and you can't afford it you shouldn't be paying for going away for school. That's reality that many people that go in debt need to face.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

In the end it's just compromise, good diploma and debt or a lesser diploma but start your job journey with no debt. Or like you said a better uni life, which my case is totally worth the extra cost that comes with it

by Anonymous 1 year ago

what if your parents live in california but you got selected in MIT?? would you still not move?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Of course there are exceptions lol. I would still argue that there would be several very good options in California that are almost as good as MIT and wouldn't cost as much.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

...and then move back in for the first few years of work? Some students commute too and can save all the rent money for tuition

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It does need to be more accepted, but americans have a few past generations of horrible parents who have created a dynamic that no children of those generations want to be a part of. I have never introduced a gf to my family.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You obviously have not met my parents.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Hence the last paragraph

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's a pretty big honking exception.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This made me realize I'm dating someone who still lives with his parents (trying really hard to move out) and I'm fine with it for multiple reasons

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Is he under 30? If you're in college or within a couple years of graduating I don't think that most would consider it a major negative.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I guess, he just turned 18.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Still living with parents at 18 is kind of expected lol

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Not me. I basically moved into my father in laws house when I got with my husband. We're still here waiting to buy our own house

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Prepare to be waiting forever covid made the market even worse

by Anonymous 1 year ago

A man with a spouse has been vetted, and is therefore more desirable. As soon as I put on a wedding ring, the type of women who previously would never have given me the time of day suddenly started flirting with me.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Are you sure it's flirting with romantic intent, or just women deeming you safe and being more carefree, playful, and open with how they express themselves around you?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah this seems much more likely to me. As a male who works in customer service, I always appreciate when someone brings up their partner because then I feel more comfortable being friendly without being seen as a creep.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I get that kind of effect when comparing interactions with people inside my dating age to those clearly outside it. I think you're onto something.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Clearly sexual intent; not so much romantic.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

When has being carefree playful and open ever led anywhere?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Which is ironic because poly married men have a much harder time finding dates than poly married women. Probably because they are actually still available?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Considering the sense of judgement of someone who would date someone living with their spouse, I don't think we should care about their opinion on who is acceptable to date.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

We've been trying to convince my parents-in-law to move back in with us. It would be more economical, we could take care of them as they age, and they could help us raise our children to be intelligent and kind. I don't understand why multigenerational households aren't the norm. There are plenty of excellent reasons to move out, but it shouldn't be so unusual to have a multigenerational home.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I am completely blind and currently unemployed. I live at my mom's home and despite a little bit of evidence to the contrary often tell myself in my depression that I am the only one who lives with his parents.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I moved back in with my parents over covid and am incredibly grateful my partner is able to overlook that fact

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Because this is what guarantees that you will not need to get married later.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Nah, they want the tried and tested. It also makes them feel like they won a contest.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

And there you have it

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Maybe it's the age; Living with parents was normally around 25 max (was) And living with spouse was 25+; So, I think we'll see a shift in this also.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

One does it to save money; the other has proven they have money. I believe it was in the departed when a character said "if a woman sees a wedding ring they know his car works and he most likely has a job"

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I grew up in a multi-generational household. I have my own place now and if my family dynamics and the environment wouldn't impact my mental health negatively, I would do it, as long as I had my own personal space. If financially I had no choice, I would feel no shame about it though. I have no interest in someone who is already partnered. All these people in the world; why would I take up with someone else's partner? That's just lazy lol

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm polyamorous. My boyfriend's wife is awesome. I have no problems and neither does she.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Simple - a guy living with his parents has no discernible resources while a married guy does. Also, the married guy has to be at least good enough in bed for another woman to have married him. This sadly is Darwinism 101.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"If this married man cheats on his wife for me surely he'll never cheat on me, right?"

by Anonymous 1 year ago

He said it was Darwinism, not intelligence :P

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I wouldn't date someone living with their spouse. When it comes to living with your parents - I feel like it's ok as long as you work just as hard as me to support yourself. It's not ok when you're an adult using your parents still to avoid getting a job or any other adult responsibilities. Which is the case k feel for most men between 25-30. Just lazy.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Maybe I just run in different circles but I've never spoken to anyone who would rather date someone living with their spouse vs living with their parents. I'm guessing that the percentage of people who are ok with dating someone who lives with their parents is pretty stable according to age.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's more evidence that it's not what something is or does but what it means. I've noticed many people who would date someone who's living with their parents. It depends on why they're living with their parents. I've also seen many people who have a problem dating someone living with their spouse.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If we are talking about mentally and physically able people, those who live with their parents are likely don't have as much flexibility in time and/or resources aka money. Two main reasons people usually would say on why they live with their parents are either they don't have enough to pay their own rent, or they wanna care for their elderly or ailing parents, meaning time is not as flexible for incognito, hence some people usually would hold back when they know they are dating someone who still live their parents. Which is fair, since dating is only a process to find someone you can match and comfortable with. If they think it wouldn't work with you, so be it. They can keep looking until they find someone who they are desires, and so can you. Although unpopular choice to some, you will still find someone way down the road. It's just the matter of when. It can be sooner than you think, or it can be way much later in your life. Everyone's fate are not created the same or equal. They are cultivated uniquely to you.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Depends why there living with their spouse? I'm in this particular situation half the week

by Anonymous 1 year ago

How many people do you know who would be okay with cheating with someone?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Seems this person has witnessed it with their own parents and maybe thr same has happened with their coworkers. But that's just a guess, nothing too serious here. I could be wrong.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's the thing, wouldn't you want your kids to take care of you in your elderly years?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

For me it depends on why they're living with their parents under certain circumstances I would date a man who lives with their parents. But I wouldn't date a man who lives with his spouse, at least knowingly doing so

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Why would I want to date someone who's living with my... oooooh. OK. Carry on.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Can't support yourself? Gross. Can support a wife AND a girlfriend? In this economy? You've hit the jackpot!

by Anonymous 1 year ago