Being poly is an excuse to string someone along while sleeping with others, amirite?

There isn't a snowballs chance in hell that this is unpopular

by Floykautzer 5 days ago

I was gonna say the same thing!

by labadiepink 5 days ago

In his book "The weirdest people in the world" Joseph Heinrich talks about how we shouldn't use data from our weird culture done at Western universities to draw wide conclusions about human nature in general In a study of over 1200 human societies only 5% saw people breaking off from their family homes to start their own households after marriage. Only 8% had nuclear families, while the rest tended to have more communal "It takes a village" styles of child rearing. And only 15% were predominantly monogamous. Our attitudes have become deeply strange and we're radical outliers when the rest of the world and human history are considered.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Sounds like someone was busted by Western universities for making up data.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

🤷 look him up, let me know what to find. Actual citations, please.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

I think you are confusing an open relationship with poly-amorous. In an open relationship, the couple seeks out other people to hook up with a maybe date.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Opening up a former monogamous relationship rarely works out. Although things like swinging seem to work for many of the older couples. Couples that are poly from the get go also don't seem to suffer these trust issues as much.

by Decent_Visual 5 days ago

I've had friends who joined relationships like this and it never works out. If you join an already established couple you will always be the third wheel and often just a crutch for an already failing relationship. In other circumstances I've seen someone who wanted to marry this girl who already had 2 other partners (all female, all lived together, didn't want men in the house). Even moved across the country to be closer to her. Eventually broke it off when he realized 1 he would never live with her and 2 they'd never get married. Often what I see with polyamorous relationships is either multiple people are taking turns playing boyfriend/girlfriend to a single person or their relationships are a constant revolving door. However in general polyamorous relationships have a much higher failure rate than monogamous ones. 80% compared to 50%.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Did you just make those numbers up?

by Decent_Visual 5 days ago

Sure didn't. You can look up studies about this.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Im asking because those numbers seem awfully round. And honestly I would assume more than 50 % of monogamous relationships fail at some point.

by Decent_Visual 5 days ago

It's not 80%, it's 92%, but good luck using a search engine.

by Playful_Currency_646 5 days ago

Not saying poly relationships don't fail often. But 50% for monogamous relationships seems awfully low considering most people have more than 2 relationships in their life.

by Decent_Visual 5 days ago

if I recall it properly, it's not failed monogamous relationships, but it's divorce rate. So approximately half of marriages end in divorce. Its almost impossible to track failed relationships.

by No-Wallaby2198 5 days ago

Looked it up. 92% is for marriages that opened up later on. Not relationships, but marriage specifically. And not poly, but open. Which are distinct things. Cant actually find data on poly relationships to be honest.

by Decent_Visual 5 days ago

Buddy I'm not gonna lie this is either completely made up or some really stretching is going on. Like they're counting 10 year long relationships where they grew apart and decided to separate as "see the poly failed"

by blockjohann 5 days ago

How is it stringing someone along if the person is clear about being poly from the start?

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Being polyamorous is simply an excuse to string another person along while hooking up with others. Opening up your monogamous relationship to add more is different to someone who is polyamorous. Poly people normally indicate their inclination at the very start now if they're hiding it then that's just a cheater wanting an excuse.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Like every type of relationship, it takes mature secure individuals to make it work.

by arnaldochristia 5 days ago

Well certainly not always, some may have genuine preference in this type of romantic relationship, but unfortunetly as everything that is cool looking from the external perspective, it's way often used as a excuse, or only as a sexual experiment. I mean it sounds nice on the paper, so probably that's the reason why it's so popular and why many people that tried it just do mental gymnastic to justify it.

by No-Wallaby2198 5 days ago

This definitely was used as an ultimateum with a friend.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

"I'm poly now. It's my identity, and questioning it is oppression. Now validate me."

by wildermandomeni 5 days ago

Wart harems

by marvinsarah 5 days ago

Hahahahahaha.

by emmerichdeondre 5 days ago

Same. I've been poly and open about it for about 8 years. I only seek other poly people. It just doesn't work at all like OP suggests

by Anonymous 5 days ago

i dunno, i like it. and so do my girlfriends. its actually much more stable that way.

by Cortneykiehn 4 days ago

It is not

by Anonymous 4 days ago

You re not being strung along, you know you re not exclusive that's no deception. If you don't want it, find someone else.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

You're confusing people who try polyamory to fix their relationship with people who start their relationship as polyamorous. I've seen quite a few examples of actual polyamorous relationships that work just as well as any other relationship (e.g., some of them are still lasting, and some of them have since ended & and polyamory was not the derailing factor). I, personally, could handle an open/non-monogamous relationship (and already have), but have nowhere near enough energy to cultivate actual polyamory. I can only handle one primary partner, but I can absolutely allow us to do so non-monogamous play on the side (either together or separately).

by Anonymous 4 days ago

These relationships really need that talk at the very beginning and a true understanding of what you are getting into. Even with all that, great chance people get hurt in the process. Oddly it works for a small minority, but I wouldn't think I would be one of those lucky ones

by Anonymous 4 days ago

They will insist otherwise, but it's basically just asking for permission to monkeybranch, for people who have a view of morality entirely based around what is and isn't "legal". It can work fine if it's two people who were up front poly from the start getting together, though. Just saying. The problems tend to be when it's a previously monogamous couple.

by Schoenchloe 4 days ago

I don't think you know what polyamory is.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Unpopular but wrong lol

by Anonymous 4 days ago