+2,176It would be cool if the commercial break was made up of one big commercial that included all the products you normally see in a commercial break. Like a family riding in a Ford Fusion go out to State Farm to get life insurance. One of the kids is playing with a Barbie doll in the car. She starts to choke on one of Barbie's shoes and they have to go to St. Mary's hospital. Then, once the child is revived, they end the day with dinner at Applebee's. Amirite?
+1,537Child 1: "Mommy, why is my name 'Lily'?" | Mom: "When you were born, a lily petal fell on your head, so I called you Lily." || Child 2: "Mommy, why is my name 'Daisy'?" | Mom: "When you were born, a daisy petal fell on your head, so I called you Daisy." || Child 3: "BLAAARGH! GAAAARGH!!" | Mom: "Oh, be quiet, Brick.", amirite?
+2,880It's awkward when you're about to beat your child and everyone changes their facebook profile pictures to cartoons, amirite?
+1,706Fun idea: Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. When you get home later that evening, go mental and ask where the child has gone. amirite?
+1,438Child by themselves begins crying Woman: Don't cry, it's okay. Let's go find your parents.*takes child's hand and walks away" Everyone: "Aww, what a nice person! Everyone should be more like her." Man: "Don't cr-" Everyone: "PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! CALL 911! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" amirite?
+3,904The imaginary monsters you were scared of as a child never go away, they just become imaginary murderers and rapists. amirite?
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+698For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good of people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with knowledge that you never walk alone. amirite?
+1,197American English is like the bastard child of Latin and some Germanic language. Its more well-liked but prudish sibling is British English, while its sporty and laid back brother is Australian English. French would be the indulgent aunt because it lavishes American English with so many word gifts, and Old Norse would be the cranky but often helpful grandfather language. amirite?
+440Peter Pan can gather a child army and get away with it, but when some black guy does it, everyone freaks out, amirite?
+689Didn't help myself in court yesterday. I was arrested for child porn charges and the Judge said, "How does 5-6 years sound?" I said, "Sexy", amirite?
+949You're jealous of your parents. They got the most awesome child to ever walk the earth. amirite?
+974Being a vegetarian but eating fish is like being a pacifist but occassionally punching a small child in the face. amirite?
+1,115My dad never loved me as a child, you can't really blame him though I wasn't born until he was an adult. amirite?