+2,737Funny prank: Change all the names in someone's phonebook to other peoples' names, and then while they're trying to figure it out you beat them to death with a crowbar, amirite?
+1,863If you were in a room with Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and Justin Bieber and had a gun with two bullets, you's shoot Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein because you're not a douche that wishes death on innocent people, amirite?
+679If you argue that aborting a fetus is wrong because it is cutting off potential life, then by that logic, any moment when a woman isn't pregnant is wasting potential. I mean, seriously, why are you even reading this right now when you could be getting nasty? This is a matter of life and death! Amirite?
+649Grape flavored medicine doesn't taste like grape at all. It tastes like tears & the death of small children. amirite?
+763If I were on death row and being killed by lethal injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, the next day when they'd come in to take me I'd yell, "Injection!? I thought you said inspection!" I bet they'd feel real bad and let me off the hook. amirite?
+429Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away. amirite?
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+772Halloween: the anniversary of the death of James and Lily Potter, and the day there was a troll in the dungeon, amirite?
+296Food for thought: the mathematical symbol Pi is a never-ending non-repeating decimal number, which means that any number combination you can think of exists somewhere within Pi. Converted into ASCII text, somewhere in that sequence of digits is your exact name, the exact date and time of your death, and the answers to life's greatest questions. It's mind-boggling to think that all this information can be contained within one symbol, amirite?
+333Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is based on the story of the three brothers: Tom Marvolo Riddle died for power, Severus Snape died for love, and Harry Potter greeted death as a friend, amirite?
+588When you wish on a shooting star, your wish will come true. Unless that star is actually a meteor headed straight towards Earth. Then you're dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor. amirite?
+569A sparrow was just about to freeze to death when a cow came over and took a crap on it. The warmth of the cow's shit warmed up the little bird and saved its life. The sparrow started singing from happiness but then a cat heard it, found the bird and ate it. The conclusion is that not everyone who throw shit at you wants to harm you and not everyone who digs you out of it wants to help you. amir... amirite?
+644You feel one of three things after killing a spider or insect: all heroic—"Yeah, you little PUNK, that's what happens when you come up in my house;" fear, as though its brethren will find you and avenge its death; shame, as though all the little thing wanted to do was find a nice place to settle down and live, away from the business of the street, and you shattered its dream, amirite?
+621Apples are dangerous. They lead to vitamins, and vitamins lead to strength, and strength leads to might, and might leads to money, and money leads to girls, and girls lead to sex, and sex leads to AIDS, and AIDS lead to death, so apples lead to death, amirite?
+432It's annoying when people ask you for a favor, and when you say no (for a good reason) they get mad. Like if Ralph, who's terrible with money, asked to borrow $30. Then when I said no, he fucked a tortoise and beat it to death with a flaming quesadilla. Actually no, it's not like that at all, I don't know why I included the example. amirite?