Too funny! I had to share these answers said to have been written by little kids ... Christian Elementary School Test Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Christian elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected. (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in). In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistels were the wives of the apostals. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. http://www.you-can-be-funny.com/TeacherJokes.html More
http://www.you-can-be-funny.com/TeacherJokes.html and https://s3.amazonaws.com/lowres.cartoonstock.com/religion-sunday_school-forbidden_fruit-adam-creation_myth-creation_story-rman15674_low.jpgImage for post Too funny! I had to share these answers said to have been written by little kids ...  Christian Elementary School Test Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Christian elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected. (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).  In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.  The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistels were the wives of the apostals. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.   http://www.you-can-be-funny.com/TeacherJokes.html
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Australia Day tomorrow army David Morrison has been named Australian of the Year for his campaign to end sexism and disrespect towards women in the force. The man who told Australian soldiers to “get out” of the Army if they couldn’t accept female colleagues and treat them equally has been crowned the 2016 Australian of the Year. Former Chief of Army David Morrison’s famous video addressing the troops went viral in 2013, gaining him global recognition for his tough stance against sexism in the Army. He gives much of the credit for his nomination as ACT’s representative for the prestigious award to the soldiers who implemented cultural change and intends to use his year to promote diversity and gender equality in the workplace. Gordian Fulde, NSW finalist in Australian of the Year awards. Senior Australian of the Year: NSW doctor Gordian Fulde has been named Senior Australian of the Year. Professor Fulde is the longest-serving emergency department director in the country, having headed ER at Sydney’s St Vincent’s Hospital for three decades. The 67-year-old is an outspoken campaigner about the scourge of ice and alcohol-fuelled violence. Nic Marchesis and Lucas Patchetthave set up Orange Sky Laundry. Young Australians of Year: A couple of mates who invented a mobile laundry with an old van to help homeless people clean their clothes are the Young Australians of the Year for 2016. Queensland social entrepreneurs Nic Marchesi and Lucas Patchett have been recognised for their work helping the homeless with a free mobile laundry van, in what is the first time the award has been granted to two people. Their innovative social venture Orange Sky Laundry has quickly rolled out to the rest of the country since starting in late 2014, with 270 volunteers helping out in vans in Brisbane, Melbourne, South East Victoria, Sydney and the Gold Coast. Collectively they wash more than 350 loads each week in Brisbane, Melbourne, South East Victoria, Sydney and the Gold Coast. Australia’s Local Hero - Dr Catherine Keenan with PM Malcolm Turnbull. Picture: Gary Ramage Australia’s Local Hero: Former journalist and youth educator Catherine Keenan has been named Australia’s Local Hero for 2016. As co-founder of the Sydney Story Factory, Dr Keenan has helped thousands of primary and high school students improve their writing skills and cultivate their creativity through storytelling. The NSW finalist has trained more than 1200 volunteers through her organisation, which offers free classes aimed primarily at people from indigenous and non-English speaking backgrounds.
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-3Australia is becoming “more central” to US military strategy in Asia, and Washington will “increasin­gly rely on Australia for some critical capabilities”, according to a seminal report commissioned by the Pentagon on US policy in Asia. The report also envis­ages northern Australia acting as a sanctuary for US forces in the event of a military conflict in Asia. This is because northern Australia is “distant enough from most conflict zones to protect US assets, but still close enough to allow rapid deployments to critical ­theatres”. The report says Malcolm Turnbull’s previous pro-China stance, especially before he entere­d politics, had caused some concern in Washington that his attitude to China in office might be unbalanced, but that his statements as Prime Minister have reassured Washington. The bipartisan report — Asia-Pacific Rebalance 2025, Capabil­ities, Presence and Partnerships — is a 275-page study prepared by the Centre for Strategic and International Studies in Washington. MORE: Digital makes old-style spying vital MORE: Australia is seen as essential to US Congress mandated an independent review of the Obama administra­tion’s policy of rebalance, or “pivot”, towards Asia, and the CSIS, where Mr Turnbull gave his key strategic speech this week, was chosen to do the study. Its lead authors, Mike Green and Kathleen Hicks, are respectively Republican and Democrat former senior national security officials. It also had a senior review­ group including two former deputy secretaries of state, Rich Armitage, a Republican, and Jim Steinberg, a Democrat. Despite its bipartisan authorship and tone, the CSIS report is sharply critical of the Obama administra­tion, saying it has not provided a clear statement of the purpose and scope of the Asia rebalanc­e, has not provided sufficien­t funds for the Pentagon to carry out the rebalance and is not achieving the desired outcomes. In a sobering conclusion regardin­g the future of Asian securi­ty, the report declares: “At the current rate of US capability ­development, the balance of ­military power in the region is shifting against the United States.” The report says the strategic situation in Asia has become more complicated and more ­challenging. “China has accelerated the frequency of its coercive activities and the pace of its ­island-building in the East and South China Seas, and North Korea has continued developing its nuclear and ballistic missile capabilities,” it says. The report recognises many factors constraining Beijing’s strat­egic behaviour, including its own focus on development, and its commitment to a peaceful rise. However, it says that Chinese military behaviour has become more aggressive and more willing to take risks, it is distressing its neighbours and has embarked on a program of being able to counter all the main “pillars” of US force projection. The report says China wants to achieve military superiority out to the “second island chain”, which includes most of Southeast Asia. This could have a potentially devastating impact on US allies: “Chinese capabilities also make US regional allies targets instead of sanctuaries, complicating the calculation for host governments and further slowing the US decis­ion cycle in a conflict,” it says. By 2030, the report predicts, China will “likely have multiple aircraft carrier strike groups, facilitating the overawing of lesser powers”. If present trends continue, it suggests, “the South China Sea will be virtually a Chinese lake”. The report recommends not only increased US effort to maintain international norms of behaviour in Asia, but an increased effort by US allies and strategic partners. In a lengthy discussion of ­Australia’s strategic outlook, it identifies China, Indonesia, terrorism and the South Pacific as ­Australia’s core national security concerns. It says that the Australian strat­egic community generally shares a similar view of China to that of the US strategic community, welcoming China’s development but concerned about Beijing’s coercive activities. Washington and Canberra, the report says, worry about “how to shape China’s behaviour so that Beijing’s activities support rather than undermine international rules and norms”. However, the Australian business community has a different view, according to the report, being less concerned about the strategic implications of Beijing’s military actions and more optimistic and relaxed about its future. The report says Mr Turnbull has been successful in reassuring Washington of the balanced and realistic nature of his views on China. “There has been speculation that Malcolm Turnbull — who had close business ties with China before entering politics — might align more closely with the views of Australia’s business community, seeking to manage the US-Australia alliance without damag­ing relations with China,” it says. “It is still early, but Turnbull’s public comments suggest a continuing commitment to uphold international rules and norms, includ­ing in the South China Sea, even at the price of some friction in Australia’s relations with China.” While the report describes Australia’s military contribution to US efforts in the Middle East as critic­al, it predicts that the focus of the alliance will become increasingly regional and that the US will expect­ more from Australia. “As Australia’s own influence expands and Australia’s geopolit­ical position becomes more central to US strategy, Washington’s expectatio­ns of Canberra are growing,” it says. The report says that the US is particularly reliant on Australia to help disperse its forces throughout the region, as evidenced by the growing marine rotations in the Northern Territory and other related­ activity, and will increasingly rely on some of Australia’s maritime capabilities, especially its submarines. In the US, Mr Turnbull announce­d the creation of a new “1.5 track dialogue” involving offic­ials and non-government analysts on cyber-security between the US and Australia, to be jointly run by CSIS and Australia’s Australian Strategic Policy Institute. Sources tell The Weekend Australian this dialogue is expected to lead to joint US-Australia exercises responding to simulated cyber attacks.
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-1Australia rejects US request for more military help in IS fight The Turnbull government has formally declined a request from the US to increase its military commitment in the Middle East campaign against Islamic State. US Defence Secretary Ash Carter in December asked coalition partners fighting the extremist group in Iraq and Syria to consider expanding their contribution in the wake of terror attacks in Paris. Defence Minister Marise Payne confirmed on Wednesday that Australia had rejected the request and would maintain its current contribution. Australian fighter bomber aircraft over Iraq. "Australia has considered the request from US Secretary of Defense Ash Carter in light of the substantial contributions we are already making to train Iraqi security forces and to the air campaign," a spokesman for the Minister said. Advertisement "The government has advised Secretary Carter that our existing contributions will continue." In lieu of further military commitment, Australia would make an "important contribution to command roles" through an increase in the number of ADF personnel in coalition headquarters from 20 to 30, the spokesman said. Defence minister Senator Marise Payne. Photo: Andrew Meares US Ambassador to Australia John Berry played down the response, saying it elicited "absolutely no disappointment". "There is great gratitude from Washington for the role Australia has played," he told the Seven Network. The Government was also considering providing further humanitarian support for Syria and Iraq in the coming months, Minister Payne's spokesman said. "Our aircraft in the Middle East are available to provide additional airlift support to benefit coalition humanitarian efforts. "The Australian Government continues to keep our contribution under ongoing review in consultation with our coalition partners." Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/australia-rejects-us-request-for-more-military-help-in-is-fight-20160113-gm5c6w.html#ixzz3xCppNWfz Follow us: @smh on Twitter | sydneymorningherald on Facebook
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Crime and disorder warning after influx of male migrants Tens of thousands of young male migrants pursuing a new life in Europe could threaten the peace and stability of western nations, an American professor has warned. Huge numbers of unaccompanied teenage boys who have fled poverty and war in Africa, the Middle East and Afghanistan are creating imbalances in the numbers of men and women in parts of Europe which rival those of China, according to Valerie Hudson, a professor at Texas A & M University who studies the effects of sex ratios on the stability of nations. Writing for Politico, a website based in Washington, Dr Hudson said: “Crimes such as rape and sexual harassment become more common in highly masculinised societies, and women’s ability to move about freely and without fear within society is curtailed. In addition, demand for prostitution soars. Places where the sex ratio is most imbalanced have higher violent crime and property crime rates.” Her warning about the consequences of too many young men dominating western societies came after scores of women were attacked, sexually assaulted and robbed by gangs in four German cities on New Year’s Eve. Police said that the victims reported that their assailants were of Middle Eastern appearance. The attacks triggered a backlash over Germany’s acceptance of 1.1 million asylum seekers last year. One local police chief described the attacks as “a completely new dimension in crime”. It remains unclear if the assailants were migrants. According to official statistics, two thirds of all migrants registering in Greece and Italy last year were male. A fifth of all those who reached the EU last year were under the age of 18; half had travelled alone. Of those, more than 90 per cent were boys. While debate in Europe has frequently focused on the faith and culture of the new arrivals, Dr Hudson argues that demographics should be driving the decisions of governments. “Nobody is talking about this,” she said. “We should be thinking strategically about how to protect the normal sex ratios. Places where the sex ratios are most unequal have suffered a rise in crime. China has suffered a rise in crime, India as well. “I don’t care if they are Muslim or Greek Orthodox,” she added. “If you are altering sex ratios to the level of 123 men to every 100 women, you are going to have problems.” Other demographers have argued that a large young population can be a recipe for revolution. The “youth bulge theory” was frequently cited during the Arab Spring. A larger number of men than women has also been identified as a cause of instability. “High numbers of males per females tends to be correlated with more violent cultures or societies,” said Barbara Miller, a professor of anthropology and international affairs at George Washington University. Dr Hudson warned that the problem of too many young migrant men was particularly profound in Sweden, which has taken more migrants per head of population than any other European country — nearly four times that of Germany. She calculated that among the population aged 16 and 17 there were now 123 boys for every 100 girls. In China, where gender imbalances are blamed on the government’s one-child policy, the ratio is 117 boys to every 100 girls. She claims that 18,615 boys aged 16 and 17 entered Sweden, compared to 2,555 girls last year. Adding those figures to the existing population count in Sweden for those age groups, as reported by the international database of the US Census Bureau, she finds that there are now 121,914 boys in that age bracket, compared with 99,079 girls. Dr Hudson cites Canada as an example of a country that has recognised the risks of an overly large young male population. Canada has committed to accepting 25,000 Syrian refugees by the end of next month, but it is only accepting women, accompanied minors and families. She fears that Europe’s hard-won victories for gender equality and public safety are jeopardised by an influx of disproportionately large numbers of young men. Her research, in conjunction with Andrea Den Boer, a specialist in gender and international relations at the University of Kent, has found a link between such disparities and the emergence of criminal gangs and anti-government groups. They argue that young men who struggle to start their own families and who may also be marginalised as immigrants, are more likely to turn to crime. Of migrants registering in Greece and Italy, 66.2 per cent were male, according to the International Organisation for Migration. This imbalance may be reduced if men succeed in bringing their wives and children to join them. However, the gender disparity among unaccompanied teenage and child migrants is far greater and unlikely to be corrected. Dr Hudson noted that 20 per cent of migrants were minors and most were arriving unaccompanied. They are virtually guaranteed asylum upon arrival but are not permitted to bring over spouses — the European Court of Human Rights has ruled that countries need not recognise the legality of child marriages among migrants. Among these unaccompanied children and teenagers, 90 per cent are male. In Britain, David Cameron’s decision only to take the most vulnerable people from refugee camps — and his refusal to take migrants who have already reached Europe — is expected to prevent a disproportionate number of young men arriving. The UK is taking in 20,000 Syrians by 2020, but only “vulnerable” people camped in Turkey, Jordan and Lebanon who have not managed to make the treacherous trip to Europe. Under the UK’s program, the UN identifies those it believes to be the most vulnerable, including victims of torture, sexual exploitation, the elderly and infirm, and the severely ill. They are put through a security check before being approved for resettlement in Britain. Home Office officials denied that the decision to accept refugees who had reached Europe was down to “not wanting a particular type of individual”. Instead, they said that it was designed to ensure that others were not encouraged to make the dangerous voyage. However, Philip Hammond, the foreign secretary, suggested in October that he believed that migrants reaching Europe were disproportionately “fit young men”. He said: “Many of the people we see on our television screens walking down railway lines are fit young men coming to Europe to look for work,” he said in October.
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+1Ramadi: Australian special forces helped retake Iraqi city Ramadi: Australian special forces helped retake Iraqi city THE AUSTRALIANDECEMBER 31, 2015 12:00AM SAVE PRINT Cameron Stewart Associate Editor Melbourne Members of Iraq's elite counter-terrorism service in the city of Ramadi after Iraqi forces recaptured it from the Islamic State jihadist group. Australian special forces played a key role in the recapture of Ram­adi from Islamic State fighters, calling in as many as 1000 airstrikes and staying in real-time contact with Iraqi troops as they retook the city street by street. Australian military trainers from Task Group Taji were also responsible for training the Iraqi 76th Brigade, which played a major role in retaking the pivotal Iraqi city this week when it ­entered the former Islamic State stronghold from the east and south. While the government yesterday denied a US website report that 80 Australian special forces troops were embedded with Iraqi troops in Ramadi, about 110km west of the Iraqi capital Baghdad, The Australian understands that ADF special forces were in constant remote contact with Iraqi special forces as they advanced through the city. This allowed the Australian troops to have real-time tactical involvement in the street battle, advising the Iraqis from a remote location in keeping with the ­Australian mission to “advise and assist” rather than be fighting alongside Iraqi forces. Defence is today expected to detail the Australian military contribution to the defeat of ­Islamic State in Ramadi, the first significant military success for Iraqi forces against the terror group. It is believed the 80-strong Australian special forces team helped to direct from the ground as many as 1000 aerial strike missions of the US-led ­coalition in and around Ramadi in a co-ordinated bombing campaign over several weeks, which played a key role in the recapture of the city. The Australian forces are ­believed to have played an important role in aligning the ground assault by Iraqi forces with coalition air support during the advance into Ramadi. The airstrikes, which are likely to have included Australian FA/18 fighters, destroyed more than 420 defensive fighting positions and at least 85 Islamic State vehicles as well as causing the deaths of “significant” numbers of Islamic State fighters. In a briefing given a week before Christmas, the Australian Chief of Joint Operations, Vice-Admiral David Johnston, said it was now a matter of “when not if” Islamic State was defeated in Iraq. He said as of December 18, Australian special forces had called in more than 917 aerial strike missions, most within the vicinity of Ramadi. Iraqi troops raised the flag over the government compound in the centre of Ramadi on Monday after the last of the several hundred Islamic State fighters fled the city centre. The retaking of Ramadi, almost seven months after it fell to Islamic State, is the first time that Iraqi troops trained by the US and Australia have won a significant victory on the battlefield against Islamic State. It has raised hopes that Iraqi forces can progressively retake key Islamic State-held towns in Iraq, with preparations under way for an assault on Iraq’s second largest city, Mosul, which fell to Islamic State in June last year. A spokesperson for the Defence Department said reports that Special Operations Task Group personnel had been deployed in combat operations in Ramadi alongside the Iraqi Sec­urity Forces were incorrect. “A Special Operations Task Group of about 80 personnel has deployed to Iraq and is providing military advice and assistance to the Counter-Terrorism Service of the ISF,” the spokesperson said. “This includes remotely-based joint terminal attack controllers who provide support to the first Iraqi Special Operations Forces brigade of the Counter Terrorism Service. CTS is one of the lead units in the fight in Ramadi.” Australia is the second-biggest foreign contributor to the ­military effort on the ground in Iraq.
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