+3,798I like turtles because they're so chill. They don't hurt anyone. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle." amirite?
+2,737Mrs. Pacman is the biggest prostitute. Just pay her 25 cents and she'll eat balls until she dies, amirite?
+1,855We're all jealous of those people with the crazy fast metabolisms that eat like pigs and still weigh like four pounds, amirite?
+1,822The egg came before the chicken. You eat eggs for breakfast then chicken for lunch, amirite?
+1,704Teeth are little brats. They're so high maintenance. Nothing else gets cleaned 2-3 times a day! They have their own brush. They have their own doctors. They get first dibs on everything you eat. AND THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO GROW IN STRAIGHT. amirite?
+1,588To all girls: when a guy demands that you make him a sandwich, make it, but don't give it to him. Eat it right in front of him. Its the best revenge, amirite?
+1,535You used to bounce on net-less trampolines, climb trees without supervision, sleep on the top bunk with no rail, eat food without washing your hands after being outside, swim without floaties, be in the car with no kiddie-lock, and play soccer in your street, and you grew up fine, amirite?
+1,511Sitting on the toilet backwards. Think about it, that little tank on the back of the bowl opens up a world of possibilities. You can take a nap, eat a bowl of cereal, finish your homework, file a tax return, pratice origimi, train your pokemon for the elite four, mow the lawn, wash the dog, cure cancer, take out a 2nd mortage on your house, punch a politician... or shit backwards, amirite?
+1,428You don't eat proper meals in the summer. Just little snacks every couple of hours, amirite?
+1,350When it comes to food, we've been teaching our kids that it's fine to eat things such as Gingerbread Men, Animal Crackers and Gummy Bears. Surely they'd grow up with more morals if we gave them something like Jelly Jailmates? 'Hey Timmy, what're you up to?' "Just biting the head off a convicted criminal, Dad!" 'Attaboy!' amirite?
+1,302Girls: When told to "make a sammich" for your man, don't object. Go with it. Make it the most delicious sammich ever. Then, eat it right in front of him. amirite?
+1,226You would be much more inclined to eat healthy if your stomach spoke. Like if you ate a salad for dinner you would hear, "Thanks buddy! Have a great day!". But if you ate chips and crap, you would constantly be annoyed hearing "WHAT THE HELL? You're such a fatass!". It would be good encouragment, amirite?