+3,794I like turtles because they're so chill. They don't hurt anyone. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle." amirite?
+1,511Sitting on the toilet backwards. Think about it, that little tank on the back of the bowl opens up a world of possibilities. You can take a nap, eat a bowl of cereal, finish your homework, file a tax return, pratice origimi, train your pokemon for the elite four, mow the lawn, wash the dog, cure cancer, take out a 2nd mortage on your house, punch a politician... or shit backwards, amirite?
+2,736Mrs. Pacman is the biggest prostitute. Just pay her 25 cents and she'll eat balls until she dies, amirite?
+1,704Teeth are little brats. They're so high maintenance. Nothing else gets cleaned 2-3 times a day! They have their own brush. They have their own doctors. They get first dibs on everything you eat. AND THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO GROW IN STRAIGHT. amirite?
+1,193it sucks when you're trying to eat cereal and the last 4 pieces are just like "try and catch me bitch", amirite?
+1,350When it comes to food, we've been teaching our kids that it's fine to eat things such as Gingerbread Men, Animal Crackers and Gummy Bears. Surely they'd grow up with more morals if we gave them something like Jelly Jailmates? 'Hey Timmy, what're you up to?' "Just biting the head off a convicted criminal, Dad!" 'Attaboy!' amirite?
+638Dreams are nothing more than a subconscious pit that we dump our insanity into so we can wake up ready to eat cereal instead of the neighbor's children. amirite?
+684HOW TO EAT RAMEN LIKE A BOSS!! 1. Boil some water. 2. EAT RAMEN! 3. DRINK BOILING WATER! 4. SNORT CHICKEN POWDER! 5. Fuck bitches. amirite?
+1,146Ghandi, as you know was barefoot most of the time, which created many large calluses on his feet. He also didn't eat very often which made him very thin and fragile. His unusual diet also gave him bad breath, so i guess you could say he's a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis, amirite?
+957Remember: eat your school, stay in drugs, and don't do vegetables, amirite?
+811If a stranger starts talking to you in an elevator, just say: "I don't want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you" that'll shut 'em up. amirite?
+1,226You would be much more inclined to eat healthy if your stomach spoke. Like if you ate a salad for dinner you would hear, "Thanks buddy! Have a great day!". But if you ate chips and crap, you would constantly be annoyed hearing "WHAT THE HELL? You're such a fatass!". It would be good encouragment, amirite?
+644Antione Dodson's Christmas Carol: Well obviously it's Christmas time in Lincoln Park. He's climbing in your chimney, he's snatching your cookies up, trying to eat 'em so y'all need to hide your food, hide your milk, lock your fridge. Cause he's eatin' errthing out here. amirite?