+1,309I went to a restaurant the other day and I noticed that my waitress had a black eye. I made sure I spoke loud and clear when ordering my food because she obviously had trouble listening, amirite?
+3,050The elderly should be sent to jail, and criminals to nursing homes. The eldery would have free hot food, snacks, free legal care, medical and health, security and safety, free clothing, access to pools, counseling and education, family visits, and care. The criminals would have cold food, left alone in a tiny room, limited showers and pay $5000 a month for the torture. amirite?
+125When getting food with a big group where everyone wants to pay separate, I feel like the standard should be separate checks. Splitting the bill evenly because the waiter doesn't want to spend the time doing that shouldn't be my problem. amirite?
+807They should make a reverse Hooters restaurant that only staffs hot shirtless guys and serves stereotypical female foods like salad, vegetarian food, yogurt, and chocolate desserts. They could call it Bollocks. amirite?
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+791You will always have that one weird food combination that you absolutely love, that when others see you eat it, they are completely disgusted and grossed out. amirite?
+2,680It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb, amirite?
+1,352When it comes to food, we've been teaching our kids that it's fine to eat things such as Gingerbread Men, Animal Crackers and Gummy Bears. Surely they'd grow up with more morals if we gave them something like Jelly Jailmates? 'Hey Timmy, what're you up to?' "Just biting the head off a convicted criminal, Dad!" 'Attaboy!' amirite?
+2,910You know what's annoying? Cling wrap clinging to itself. I mean, all you wanted to do was cover some food in plastic but NOOO. First you gotta somehow hold the thing straight with one hand, then perform a small miracle by unclinging the stuff from itself. Then when you try to put it on the dish or whatever, it just clings to itself again. Also world hunger. That shit's pretty bad too, amirite?
+3,482How to Lose Weight: Turn your head to the left, then to the right. Repeat when offered food. amirite?
+229Everybody has that one weird food combination they enjoy, like apples slathered in mustard or something crazy like that, amirite?
+366I'm not trying to offend anyone, but it's sad how fat america is becoming. It's really not healthy. Stores and restraunts need to start selling healthier food and smaller portion sizes. Plus people need to take the extra five minutes to cook something healthy instead of eating fast food; Amirite?