+3,798I like turtles because they're so chill. They don't hurt anyone. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle." amirite?
+2,624The new Karate Kid is basically just Jaden Smith's re-creation of his dad's old show. He was chillin out maxin' relaxin' all cool, shootin some b-ball outside of school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in his neighborhood. He got it one little fight and his mom got scared, she said "You're going to learn kung-fu from the maintenance man downstairs.", amirite?
+2,718It would be really funny if the GPS changed voices depending on what part of town you are in. YOOO Man, Yawll enturrin da ghetto! teerrrn leffft and' hit up tha likor store beeotch! Nah Nah Nah Nah Yawll misst da teeern. You are reallly dumm. Fur reel. amirite?
+2,674It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb, amirite?
+1,663Fuck Boy Scouts. Instead there should be MAN SCOUTS! Activities include tying knots WITH A PYTHON, pitching a tent MADE OF LATEX AND CYANIDE, and earning merit badges and pinning them to YOUR BARE NAKED, HAIRY TORSO. Girl scouts have cookies? That's cool. We've got SMOKED KRAKEN ON A STICK! Amirite?
+3,211This must be how it works; Germ #1- "Oooh, look dude, there's food on the ground, lets go." Germ #2- "Nahh, man. It hasn't been 5 seconds yet." Germ #1- "Yeah, you're right. Gotta follow the rules.", amirite?
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+1,488You can make anything sound badass if you put the right spin on it. For example: Once a year in a human's life, to celebrate their continuing survival, food is created for them in an inferno hot enough to kill a man. That food is then lit ablaze and presented to the surviving one for them to extinguish with only their breath and then consume. amirite?
+1,440“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is an awesome phrase, but it’s a horrible way to tell your kid they’re adopted. amirite?
+732Wanna hear a clean joke? John took a bath Wanna hear a cleaner joke? John took a bath with bubbles Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man, amirite?
+2,183The Boy Who Cried Wolf...that title is out of date...Today, it's The Man Who Cried Rapture. Amirite?
+1,438Child by themselves begins crying Woman: Don't cry, it's okay. Let's go find your parents.*takes child's hand and walks away" Everyone: "Aww, what a nice person! Everyone should be more like her." Man: "Don't cr-" Everyone: "PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! CALL 911! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" amirite?