+1,536Gift cards are the polite way for family members to say, "We wanted to give you money for your birthday, but we think you might be a drug addict," amirite?
+831You've gotta wonder what would happened if your attitude towards a mugger was so out of the ordinary, that they wouldn't know how to react. mugger holds you at knife point "Give me all your money!" you casually open your wallet "Umm.. alright.. so I have....$76 in Monopoly money and.. rummages through wallet some more ..14 Chuck E Cheese tickets. But I like, really need these.. sooo we could.. I don't know.. maybe split them?" "......wtf is wrong with you?". Amirite?
+2,169The first bank ever must have been quite sketchy. "What am I going to do with all my money?" "Just give it to me...I'll take care of it...I promise..", amirite?
+769The sentence "I never said she stole my money" has seven different meanings, depending on which word is stressed. amirite?
+1,195If you forget your lunch money, a good friend will lend you some, a best friend will also lend you some, because your best friend isn't an asshole, amirite?
+1,747Mario is just like a hobo. he wakes up everyday wearing the same thing, he travels through the sewers, he beats people up for money, and what does he spend that money on? mushrooms, amirite?
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+1,315If swimming helps us stay fit why are whales fat? Why does everyone want to got to heaven but no one wants to die? Shall i say that there is racial discrimination in chess cuz the white piece must be moved 1st? If money doesnt grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Why does round pizza come in square boxes? Why do we still call it a building when its already built? Funny world,eh. amirite?
+830At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is having friends. At age 16 success is having a drivers license. At age 20 success is having sex. At age 35 success is having money. At age 50 success is having money. At age 60 success is having sex. At age 70 success is having a drivers license. At age 75 success is having friends. At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants. ... amirite?
+320Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor. Amirite?
+674Universities now are the Hollywood of the 1950s... they're both big heartless businesses, which lure a lot of young talent, promising them money and fortune, then rob them blind of all their belongings and spit them back out into the cruel streets with nothing to show, except some stories of the good times. Amirite?
+599If I found evidence that a dark-skinned politician was embezzling money but sent him a letter on onyx-colored stationary promising not to tell if he cut me a share then I just sent blackmail on black mail to a black male, amirite?
+348Honestly the best way to get rid of a bully who beats you up isn't telling on them, using "I" messages or getting people to back you up. It's doing something weird as shit so they never mess with you again. Ex: "Hey you got my lunch money?" Starts fidgeting and takes off clothes...."Never mind, I have to go now.", amirite?
+621Apples are dangerous. They lead to vitamins, and vitamins lead to strength, and strength leads to might, and might leads to money, and money leads to girls, and girls lead to sex, and sex leads to AIDS, and AIDS lead to death, so apples lead to death, amirite?