Justice on Trial ? A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him." At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!" Link: http://jokes4all.net/cheating-jokes?p=10
Want to ask your own question? Make A Post No need to login!
Silly Laws that got passed-- Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie. Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa. Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on. In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket. In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00. In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view." In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile. In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean? NEW - Different colour from previous design. ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design. FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it. REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope. YEARS OF...[Show All] DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work. MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix. MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours. SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell. Link: http://www.bizcommunity.com/Jokes/196/12.html [Show Less]
Little Knowledge Is Dangerous Before I begin my story let me introduce myself to you. My name is Subin Thomas and I am a nineteen year old boy studying my Engineering from The University of Queensland in the capital city of Brisbane, Australia. I emigrated from India-my motherland a year ago and shifted to Australia leaving behind my parents in India. Now I live with my uncle John my mother's brother. He is a 47 year old man and works as a Financial Accountant for a reputed company. We live in an apartment located quite next to the Brisbane river. In my leisure time this where I would spend most my time gazing at the beautiful sight. In our courtyard there is a mango tree which is expected to fruit this summer but some recent unseasonal rains have spoiled the prospects of eating fresh ripe mangoes. When I was in India my father would always bring plentiful mangoes for me when the season arrived and I would not hesitate and eat up to 4-5 mangoes a day! This mango tree gives me the nostalgia of the time I had with my parents. Our neighborhood is also good and the surrounding is quite clean as compared to my home in India. But keeping all the shortcomings aside I would always prefer India over all. My college is about half a mile from my house so I either walk or cycle my way through. It starts at around 8 am and I reach home by 5 pm. My uncle leaves for office at the same time and arrives back by evening. Surprisingly my Uncle prepares the dinner as he turns out to be a good cook as well. Out of the two house-keys one he had for himself and the other one for me. My house is near to a popular tourist destination Mt. Cootha about 5 miles away. It has the highest peak in Brisbane. I have been there twice for hiking. Once you reach the summit its a beautiful sight to behold. I have been to Mt. Tibrogargan as well, a 2 hour journey from our house. It was initially closed for hiking but made accessible to people since 2015. It is the tallest Glasshouse mountain accessible to public. My stay in Australia till now has been quite amazing except for one unpleasant day which taught me a lesson of my life to not to come to a conclusion unless well informed of the situation. The story goes this way........ There was something unusual about this day as I readied myself for college. The weather forecast warned of heavy rains today. Back home in India the weather reports were often false but here in Brisbane they are rarely proved wrong. Because of the rains the college shut down early today at around 3 pm. On my way back home rains poured heavily, luckily I carried an umbrella. As I reached half-way I felt as if I was being followed by a stranger. When I looked behind I could see a man in his mid forty's keeping up with me at every turn. So I hurried myself and made my way back home hastily. It was quite unusual as I had never been pursued before. I went to the balcony to see whether the man had followed me up to my house and to my relief there was no one. The first thing I did when I returned home was watch T.V and so switched it on, but because of bad weather there was no signal. I have been given some project from college so I decided to complete that and went to my room upstairs. Once I was done with it, I looked up at the watch and it was about evening. Uncle John was to return by now but there was no sign of him. I waited long enough but finally lost my patience. I tried to call him up on his cell-phone but there was no network. Perhaps he was busy with some work and might come home late tonight. I waited for some more time but to no avail. I took a short nap and when I woke up it was already past dinner time. It was getting late enough to be worried. I once again stepped into the balcony and looked down. Except for one street dog that was lying down miserably near the gate, there was not a soul to be seen anywhere. Rain water had puddled under the lamp-post. A breeze ruffled the mango tree in the courtyard and a few twigs fell down and broke. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Did I hear a soft knock at the door? I turned back. At first I thought I was mistaken by the thunder but then a second knock followed which confirmed someone was at my door outside. It was already midnight and I had someone outside my house. I wondered if it was my Uncle himself. In order to clear my suspicions I decided to let him open the door as I knew he kept a key for himself. Then came a third knock which proved that it was someone else rather than my uncle himself. I was terrified. I waited for some time but no more knocks could be heard. He must have given up I presumed. Whoever it was knew that I was alone and used the situation to his advantage. I recalled the incident on my way home when I was chased by a man and wondered if it was the same guy. I was worried if he would return back with some lock picking tools and so I again tried to call my Uncle and again there was some network issue. I faced similar issues while contacting the cops. The only thing I could no was pray that the stranger does not return. Then I was struck by an idea about setting up numerous booby traps across the house as a part of countermeasure. The first one was at the entrance door where I placed weights on top of the door kept slightly ajar ready to fall on the person attempting to pass through. These weights would make chiming sound once they fall down from that height alerting me of his presence. I even placed an electric water heater gadget on the door knob inside the house. This would heat up the doorknob on the outside of the house as well. Once the intruder grabs the doorknob in an attempt to yank it open it would surely burn off some of the skin on his hand giving him hell of a red mark and forcing him to either head to the hospital immediately to get the skin from his butt grafted onto his hands or he would at least have to use a different entrance to get into the house, depending on how long he held onto the doorknob. Then as intruder makes his way into the house he would trip over the fancy toys and nails spread all across To improve his chances of stumbling down I poured oil all over the floor and kept all lights switched off. Now all the traps had been set up. The only thing I needed to do now was wait until the intruder arrives. I waited in my room upstairs and stayed vigilant. Suddenly at around 3 am I heard some squeaking noises from downstairs. My heart started racing as I knew it was the intruder who had broken into my house. I hoped that he was neutralized after setting off all my traps. I screwed up my courage and headed downstairs to check up on the intruder. As I reached the spot I saw someone of my Uncle's stature knocked out unconscious on the floor. He was bruised from head to toe. All my traps played their part and I was successful in bringing him down. Coincidentally his attire was very much similar to my uncle’s or was it really a coincidence? I switched on the lights to see who it was and could not really believe my eyes as he turned out to be uncle John himself. I immediately lifted him up and placed him on the sofa. He was still in an unconscious state so I stayed beside him and I bandaged his wounds. I felt really bad as my tactics worked but not in my favor and my own uncle fell victim to it. It was about morning around 6 am when he called up my name while I was asleep beside him in the adjacent sofa. I woke up and was relieved to see him conscious. I felt very embarrassed and told him about what happened last night. I apologized to him for the ordeal he had been through. I discussed the whole incident with him which started with successive knocks on the door at around midnight. My uncle recalled that he phoned up in the neighborhood to check up on me. So it must have been the neighbor from the adjacent house. The revelation was not easy for me to digest. The whole intruder-thing was just my imagination. My uncle had to work overtime and that was the cause of delay. The whole time since I heard the knocks, I had been under the false impression of encountering an intruder. I thought to myself that it was about time that I stopped watching lot of action movies as it reflected on my behavior. The lesson I learned from the whole incident is that one must not draw a conclusion without proper evidence as they say 'A little knowledge is a dangerous thing'. More
Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean? NEW - Different colour from previous design. ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design. FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it. REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work. MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix. MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours. SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell. Link: http://www.bizcommunity.com/Jokes/196/12.html