+3,473How to Lose Weight: Turn your head to the left, then to the right. Repeat when offered food. amirite?
+1,822How to get over your fear of the dark: As soon as you turn the lights off, start masturbating. No monster wants to see that shit. While doing it, stare at the corner and whisper, tenderly, “this is for you”, amirite?
+701What if your GPS spoke in Professor Snape's voice? You'd hear things like, "How very like your father you are, you arrogant fool; he would have missed that turn as well..." and, "There will be no foolish lane-crossing or silly exit-taking for two miles...." Amirite?
+586I am the author of my life. Unfortunately I am writing in pen so I can't erase my mistakes. My only option is to turn the page and start a new chapter, amirite?
+951Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think im trippin'? Tie my shoes. Cant stand me? Sit back down. Cant face me? Turn around. amirite?
+1,162The problem with internet chat sites is that sillysally12 can turn out to be scarylary42, amirite?
+1,017When you turn to the last page of a really intense chapter in a book, and your eyes automatically skip to the end, you get mad at yourself. amirite?
+407light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. when you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. you can prove this by holdingyour hand under a "light bulb" . the dark will stack up under your hand where its path is blocked by your hand. when they quit working and turn a dark colour, its not because they burnt out, its because they're full. amirite?
+427Whenever someone's talking to you and you don't really want to talk with them just stare right above their head. Eventually they'll turn around and ask what your staring at. Now you hit them across the head with the pole you've been reaching for behind your back. Problem solved, amirite?
+495A small girl walks into a Pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit", amirite?
+1,127Average teen mag: "DON'T CARE if others tell you you're too fat/do not use the right make-up/wear the wrong clothes/like the wrong celebs and music! You are an INDIVIDUAL!" ... (turn page) ... "...and this is what EVERYONE should wear in autumn! Check out Lady Gaga's new style! Miley Cyrus has a new song you simply gotta find awesome! And NEVER ever wear blue eyeshadow if you have blue eyes!... amirite?
+641Duct tape is amazing. It can turn a girl's response from "No! No! Nooo!!!" into "Mhmm! Mhmm! Mhmm!!!", amirite?
+224You really don't need to ride my bumper when I'm already doing 25 mph over the speed limit. And please, show some courtesy and turn those flashing lights on the top of your car off.