+1,722Jesus can walk on water. Humans are 75% water. I can walk on humans. Therefore, I am 75% Jesus, amirite?
+2,512Thank god Facebook is back up. I've had to phone 247 of my friends to tell them 'I hate work, I'm having a glass of water and going to bed, lol'. It's taken me all night! amirite?
+684HOW TO EAT RAMEN LIKE A BOSS!! 1. Boil some water. 2. EAT RAMEN! 3. DRINK BOILING WATER! 4. SNORT CHICKEN POWDER! 5. Fuck bitches. amirite?
+1,202Harry Potter would have had a much easier time if he just used the internet. "Who is Nicholas Flamel?" "Lets google it!" "How am I supposed to breathe under water for an hour?" "I bet Wikipedia has an article about it!" "Oh God, where is Voldemort's last horcrux?" "I don't know, lets check his Twitter!" Amirite?
+638Blood is thicker then water, but maple syrup is thicker then blood. Therefore pancakes are more important than family, amirite?
+751Optimists -- Half full. Pessimists -- Half empty. Sarcastic -- oh sure, it's half full all right... Realist -- the glass contains equal parts water and air. Engineer -- the glass is too big for the cup. Politician -- if you vote for me the glass will be COMPLETELY full. Einstein -- it's all relative... Wise -- each to their own. amirite?
+400Keep a tall glass of water by you at all times for so that whenever someone asks you any type of question, like, "How're you?" You can intimidate them by slowly reaching for the water and taking a long sip while maintaining eye contact for at least 30 seconds. Then respond with a one word answer like, "Good." At the very least it's going to freak them out, amirite?
+1,517Dear Twilight lovers, Edward is waiting for you in the forest. Go find him. Now. Just leave. Don't take food or water. amirite?
+514Congratulations! You've won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking. amirite?
+365A fly drops 6 inches closer to the water in a pond which caused a fish to jump up to eat it; a bear to jump to catch the fish; a hunter to shoot the bear, which resulted in him leaving his lunch bag open; a mouse to swipe the hunters sandwich and a cat, which was running after the mouse, to get startled from the hunter's gun shot and jump into the pond. The moral of this story is that when a fly drops 6 inches, the pussy gets wet, amirite?
+325Grandma's perfect Apple Pie: Ingredients: crust- readymade pastry, 1 egg, tbs of milk. Filling- 4 large apples, 1/2 cup sugar, pinch of cinammon, warm water. First get out a pie dish and roll out the pastry so it fits the dish and cut long strips for the covering. For the filling chop and peel the apples then sautee in warm water with the salt and cinammon until the warm, fresh, homey smell has filled the kitchen. Pour in the filling, cover with pastry strips, brush the egg & milk on top & bake! amirite?