+2,610Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a convicted pedophile. Not me though, I live next to two stunning 12 year olds, amirite?
+3,211This must be how it works; Germ #1- "Oooh, look dude, there's food on the ground, lets go." Germ #2- "Nahh, man. It hasn't been 5 seconds yet." Germ #1- "Yeah, you're right. Gotta follow the rules.", amirite?
+2,904You know what's annoying? Cling wrap clinging to itself. I mean, all you wanted to do was cover some food in plastic but NOOO. First you gotta somehow hold the thing straight with one hand, then perform a small miracle by unclinging the stuff from itself. Then when you try to put it on the dish or whatever, it just clings to itself again. Also world hunger. That shit's pretty bad too, amirite?
+2,751Pringles are the Nazis of potato chips. All single file, dressed the same, corralled by a crazy mustached dictator, amirite?
+1,732Abraham Lincoln's last tweet would have been: "Watching boring ass play, #killmenow" , amirite?
+1,828Coca cola came to town, Pepsi Cola knocked him down. Dr. Pepper fixed him up, now we're drinking Seven Up. Seven Up got the flu, now we're drinking Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew fell off the mountain, now we're drinking from the fountain. Fountain broke, had a stroke, now we're back to plain old Coke. Amirite?
+1,212Everything that has raisins in it would be better if the raisins were M&Ms. For example, a box of raisins, amirite?
+2,273I'll be Burger King and you'll be McDonalds. I'll have it my way and you'll be lovin' it, amirite?
+898It's annoying when you run into people you know at a supermarket and they are like, "Heyyyyy. What are you doing here?" Like what else would I be doing at a supermarket besides hunting Peruvian Snapping Turtles, amirite?
+684HOW TO EAT RAMEN LIKE A BOSS!! 1. Boil some water. 2. EAT RAMEN! 3. DRINK BOILING WATER! 4. SNORT CHICKEN POWDER! 5. Fuck bitches. amirite?
+511People should stop baking things with love. Eventually, some greedy bastard scientist over at Coca-Cola will figure out love's formula, chemically reproduce it, and then get starving Chinese children to do nonstop manual labor in Coke's factories, producing the most amount of LOVE#57 for the least cost as Coke's CEO sits on a pile of coins, smoking a cigar, laughing maniacally as he rolls it in. So next time someone asks you what's in the cookies, just say, "Fuck you, that's what." Amirite?
+1,226You would be much more inclined to eat healthy if your stomach spoke. Like if you ate a salad for dinner you would hear, "Thanks buddy! Have a great day!". But if you ate chips and crap, you would constantly be annoyed hearing "WHAT THE HELL? You're such a fatass!". It would be good encouragment, amirite?