To [verb] the [animal] - Congratulations, you've just created a metaphor about masturbating! amirite?

To kill a mockingbird

You didn't have a valentine on Valentine's Day? Some people don't have a mother on Mother's Day, or a father on Father's Day, so shut up. Amirite?

I didn't have a groundhog on groundhog day :(

Anonymous +186Reply
@Jack Handy.... fucking cite your quotes you fucking thief

Fuck is a great word because you can use the many forms of it in a sentence, and it makes you look badass because it fits everywhere. Fuckity fuck fucking fuck.

Your phone battery dies faster than a black guy in a horror movie, amirite?
@KirstenAnn My battery recharges fast as a black guy.

My battery got stolen.. I bet you can figure out the rest.

It must be embarrassing when you're messing around with your partner and you're both all entangled when your owner pulls you out of his pocket and wants to listen to music, amirite?

This reminds me of a joke I read a while back.

One day a blone whent in to a hairdressers wearing headphones, she told the hairdresser to cut her hair. He said
"sure, can i take off your headphones?" She said
"NO NO NO just cut around them. so she had her hair cut.
The next month she whent into the Hairdressers wearing headphones and asked the hairdresser to cut her hair. He said
"sure but can i take off your headphones?" she again said
"NO NO NO just cut around them. So she had her hair cut.
The next month she whent into the hairdressers wearing headphones and asked the hairdresser to cut her hair. Unfortunatelly for her the hairdresser was new and forgot to ask if he was allowed to take off her headphones. So he took them off and she dropped dead on the floor. He picked up the headphones and put them to his own ears and listened. They were saying
"breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out."

Some hearts never meet.

It must be embarrassing when you're messing around with your partner and you're both all entangled when your owner pulls you out of his pocket and wants to listen to music, amirite?

I know. They should knock first.

Anonymous +36Reply
It must be embarrassing when you're messing around with your partner and you're both all entangled when your owner pulls you out of his pocket and wants to listen to music, amirite?
@I know. They should knock first.

(Left Earbud): See you tonight, babe. ;)

Anonymous +43Reply
It must be embarrassing when you're messing around with your partner and you're both all entangled when your owner pulls you out of his pocket and wants to listen to music, amirite?
Anonymous +47Reply
It must be embarrassing when you're messing around with your partner and you're both all entangled when your owner pulls you out of his pocket and wants to listen to music, amirite?
@Aww, man. I always have to play with myself. :(

Sometimes I feel like you guys are just using me.... D:

Anonymous +40Reply
It must be embarrassing when you're messing around with your partner and you're both all entangled when your owner pulls you out of his pocket and wants to listen to music, amirite?
@amiritesucksnow Just because your shirt had a red circle on it doesn't mean it's the Japenese flag..

A red circle no longer means Japan, it is now a notification, amirite?

Anonymous +103Reply
Amirite: the website where it's all made up and the points don't matter, amirite?
@LucindaJones Oh (cry2) ok

Looks like the tortoise finally lost a race.