"I..uh...have been recently..um..having some..kind of...suicidal thoughts." "Oh yeah? JUST DO IT!"
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.
One time I told someone to "abuse me" instead of "amuse me". It was weird
well, if you became Michael Phelps, you'd be Michael Phelps.
ItsPreeGood, stop trying to make plooging happen. It's not going to happen!
Winnie the pooh is coming out in july..all over my body
Well every single person is two people combined...
Laundry basket? I have found something to do tomorrow.
How much money you've spent on food..how many texts sent
I am almost positive I invented the toaster oven
Deja boo: being scared by the same thing twice, even though you knew it was coming
Big bang theory ftw
Once I was texting and said ma nillaaaa instead of ma niggaaaa. If it counts
My step-ladder is always trying to get me high. I'm just not comfortable anymore.
(brandonmh1):any food at all is a luxury if you're starved