First ever was an accident..some guy saw the back of my head in the hallway, mistook me for his girlfriend, then really fast spun me around and attacked my face with his face
Still to this day have no fuckin clue who it was, he just shouted "OH SHIT BALLS YOU'RE NOT HER" and ran the other way
"Oh God kill it with fire before it gets any closer Caroline"?
I managed to grow up, go to college, get a job, get married and raise two children in the time it took this post to get to the punchline.
All I taste is shame.
Wow! Only three people in North Dakota are unemployed!
No...Do you find yourself thinking about animals sexually often or...
Do you know the big problem with a disguise, Mr. Holmes? However hard you try, it's always a self-portrait.
-Irene Adler from Sherlock BBC ("A Scandal in Belgravia")
Satan likes to talk to me when no one else is around to be my friend .
"How many times does 30 go into 15?"
That's weird. I didn't know 1 in 50 guys don't have a penis...
I hate when people repeat things over and over again.