+13,443There are four stages of life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. amirite?
+974What they should really say on those cooking shows: "Hello and welcome to 'Pointless Cooking That Has Nothing To Do With Anyone's Actual Life'. Today, we are making a very complicated recipe, using ingredients you don't have, utensils you've never heard of, and in a kitchen that is bigger than your whole fucking house.", amirite?
+10If your precious God thought gays were wrong and shouldn't exsist, he shouldn't have made love with the same sex possible. Being gay is not a choice, so God is basically choosing to condemn people, if being homosexual is such a sin. amirite?
+3,475How to Lose Weight: Turn your head to the left, then to the right. Repeat when offered food. amirite?
+1,829300 years from now: "I hate those fucking robots!" "Don't use the word 'robot'! They prefer to be called Android Americans.", amirite?
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+843Mom: "I dont care about other kids, you cant go out till you're 16!" (5 minutes later) Look at the neighbours girl, she's doing so well in school, why cant you be more like her?? amirite?
+5,231Whatever you give a woman, she'll make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiples and enlarges what is given to her. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit. amirite?
+5,221I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore. Definitely time for a new keyboard. amirite?
+757Something to think about: Buy a forest. Adopt 8 midget babies every year (mixed race). Be the only non-midget around and raise them to think you're their god. amirite?
+1,064Why did Domino's stop sponsoring Jersey Shore? They're perfect for each other. The cast of Jersey Shore is completely like Domino's. Cheesy, shiny from a ton of grease, cheap, vaguely Italian, mass produced and constantly shown on TV. And anything you wanna have, you can get it in under 30 minutes. amirite?