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+552
iTunes you will open the first time I click you. Enough of this hesitation bullshit.
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+660
I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.
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+466
Is this an intervention? You're a little late, since I'm not using drugs anymore. I am, however, still hooked on phonics,
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+452
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were having a state-the-obvious contest. I'm competitive by nature.
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10
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+593
You know how they say, "you can't live without love"? Well, oxygen is even more important.
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8
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+73
The hardest part about having an ugly child is lying to them when they ask you if you love them,
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6
5
+96
Interview? You test drive a car before you buy it, you have sex before you get married. You can't hire a team based on a ten-minute interview. What if you don't like having sex with them?
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+168
Every hero has his Kryptonite,
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5
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+551
Quick! hire a teenager while they know everything!
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+43
Lies are like children. They're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them,
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2
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+210
My eyes look better in rooms with summer colors.
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2
0
+23
Humanity is overrated.
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2
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+163
I can play the harmonica with my nose, make a penny come out of a child's ear, or any other orifice for that matter, and given the right circumstances bring two women to simultaneous ecstasy.
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2
1
+404
On average, drug addicts are stupid,
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1
6
+21
You know I get it if people are just looking for a way to fill the holes. But they want the holes. They wanna to live in the holes. And they go nuts when somebody else pours dirt in their holes. CLIMB OUT OF YOUR HOLES, PEOPLE!
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