Hello. My name is Draco Malfoy. I am racist, I despise gingers and mudbloods. I hate all of Gryffindor House. My parents work for the man who killed your parents...do you want to be my friend?
Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs, so next year I am going to Pigfarts with Luna Lovegood to meet Growlus Rumbleroar, Slytherus Snake, and Professor McGonnagills. We are bringing our diapers becaue all respectable wizards wear them. I am immensely good at drawing. Yaxley is my second best adult friend. I traveled back in time to save Harry Potter's life because I am the most popular kid in school...even Harry Potter likes me. My mother Narcissa choreographed an affair with Dobby the house elf so I am part elf. According to Hermione Granger, I am a stepping stone on her way to feeling good about herself, and I'll always be there for her to step on...what a b*tch.
I was selected in my second year to participate in the House Cup. The teacher organizing the even was Quirrell, whom I believed was a terrorist. I was the Slytherin champion and in the dragon competition I had to fight the Reluctant Dragon. Harry Potter tried to trade me his Hungarian Horntail, but I had a fruit by the foot and refused. I helped Voldemort infiltrate the school, then joined up with Harry Potter after realizing the error of my ways. I helped defeat Voldemort even though I was tired and wished to be a deatheater.
I am part of the Slytherin Quidditch Team...a Seeker, to be exact. I could have won the championship had Yaxley not gotten in my way. I love Headmaster Zeffron and believe that with a bit of tape, it would be fine after the beating it took for Gryffindor's sword.