Indoor plumbing is a house's blood. amirite?

And the gas installation is everyone's internal hatred for jews

For all the millions of years of evolution to the human species, dogs and cats have a way better bum-hole for pooping without need for wiping. amirite?

My dog regularly had dry food with a mix of wet food twice a day. His poops were nice nuggets easy to pickup with the poop bag when we went walkies.

But if he ate pizza or got into a sandwich or had something outside of his normal diet, it'd usually end in a splatty mess.

My diet consists of random things, usually unhealthy and low fibre. Because I don't take care of myself.

But those weeks where I do a good job and eat well, I have clean snaps.

It takes one wipe to know you didn't need one, but two wipes to know you needed one.

Older people might take longer to answer, not because of brain deterioration, but because they have more things to consider because of life experience. amirite?

Fluid vs Crystalline intelligence.
You're brain matures into it's "final form" from 25-27. Meaning your response patterns are pretty set in stone. However, you'll fine information and memory stored in your long term can be reached faster.

Bodies weird.

No one takes pictures at a funeral, amirite?

I was looking in my photo album I found when I cleared my stuff from my childhood home, I have picture of a casket being lowered into the ground. Not sure if it was my great grandmother or my friends funeral though. My mom has pictures from the gathering after the my great grandmothers funeral. Maybe my family is just weird?

I was either 8 or 12 when I took the picture of the casket. I will hide behind the "kids do weird things" defense.

People consider rolling dice to be random only because they lack the skill and intelligence to consistently roll what they want, not because it is inherently chaotic. amirite?

It is random if you just pick them up and roll them. If you look at them and purposely attempt to get a certain result, it's no longer random.

Nothing is random if you do something to control the results.

Blind people living alone must have drastically lower electric bills, amirite?
Most people really don't miss their ex, they miss having consistent sex with someone that knows how to please them. amirite?

A lot of exes didn't have consistent sex or know how to please their partner. Definitely feel like this is too specific to be remotely true. Sometimes that's the case, but often it's not.

The egg came first, because chickens evolved from dinosaurs. amirite?

Evolutionarily speaking, something that was almost a chicken laid a chicken egg.

When male pornstars go through breakups, they don't have to worry about their exes spreading rumors about their dick size, amirite?
In chess, the king never actually dies, amirite?
There are no married dead people, amirite?

mormons generally think their marriages last beyond death, so they are married dead people

We always talk about dick size, but never width or height. amirite?
When male pornstars go through breakups, they don't have to worry about their exes spreading rumors about their dick size, amirite?
@Heinerprahm Where have I heard this happen before

To the deppth of my knowledge, I'm not sure.

Only the poorest rich people fly in first class, amirite?
@Nickyikky But it makes them happy!

As a dad who just blew hundreds of dollars to see my kid super happy seeing one of his favorite shows in-person.... This makes me feel better.

Any burrito can be a breakfast burrito depending on when you eat it. amirite?

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.