Other times I like to kick puppies and push old ladies into the road
I DEMAND A RECOUNT ON THE OTHER POTDs TODAY
After reading only the first part I thought this post was gonna go is a wayyyyyy different direction..
This is you
You were born already in a relationship? Lucky.
First ever was an accident..some guy saw the back of my head in the hallway, mistook me for his girlfriend, then really fast spun me around and attacked my face with his face
Still to this day have no fuckin clue who it was, he just shouted "OH SHIT BALLS YOU'RE NOT HER" and ran the other way
Apa was a fucking boss. Yip yip mother fucker
"Well I would have had five seconds left if you hadn't interrupted me."
Do you not get off amirite ever?
"I would date Jenny but her boobs are too big so she has less of an option for clothes."
This scared the living shit out of me at first for some reason.