You forgot this one
One time my best friend came over to my house to have dinner, and we were having spaghetti. When I served it he asked for a spoon and I shouted, "NO! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR UGLY FACE AGAIN!"
I thought Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen was #1.
"All trolls please rise for your national anthem"
TIS THE SEASON TO BE TROLLING TROLOLOLOLLOLOL-LOLOL-LOLLOLLOLLOL
BARAK OBAMA IS A TERRORIST TROLOLOLOLLOLOL-LOLOL-LOLLOLLOLLOL
THE HOLOCAUST NEVER HAPPENED TROLOLOLOLLOLOL-LOLOL-LOLLOLLOLLOL
GOD HATES BLACKS AND GAYS AND MUSLIMS TROLOLOLOLOL-=LOLOLOLOLOO-LOL-LOL-LOL
ANTHONYS PROBABLY GONNA DELETE THIS COMMENT TROLOLOLOLLOLOL-LOLOL-LOLLOLLOLLOL
moment of silence ensues
You may resume your shenanigans.
You sound like an Asian guy telling me what to do.
"You pick up trash!"
"You no stay 4 hours!"
"You show up to school naked for 1 million dollars!"
T'was the morning of Christmas, and all through the house the guinea pig was flying and disturbing the mouse. The wrapping lay torn on the floor and the chair and the children, clutching toys, had made the sofa their lair. The parents had retreated, clutching their heads, and drank from their coffee right down to the dregs. And I with my laptop and my wings that I flap, had just begun thinking about inspirational crap. When upon my screen I beheld such a post, I knew I must comment, a metaphorical toast. Down for my keyboard I reached in a flash, typing so hard the keys clicked and crashed.
The sun on the side of the concrete did shine as I deflected my siblings who begged with a whine. "I need to finish this!" I exclaimed as I made words appear. "It might get more Loves than all my work yet this year!" With my fingers rushing, so lively and quick, I tacked on a line and finished with a click. More rapid than updates my words came, and I thought of my Followers and called them by name. "Look Jerkface! Look Bro_Nap! Look dawg56! See colette, see Xefon, see Rashed and trueshimmerchapstick! To the top of the post and the end of the wall, but I ran out of space before calling them all
It depends. If I had to steal an army helicopter and crash land it into the prison he is in to attract the guards while he makes a run for it, then yes. But no way in hell would I jaywalk to get said helicopter.
I just pretend I am a king and they, my loyal subjects, are praising me. Try it someday.
Is it bad that I actually really liked that story? The end was so romantic, and Rex is a boss, by the way.
You sir have just solved the biggest problem in my company. See my name is Abhi and I am the CEO of Temperature Inc. My company see was trying to find out a way to sense it was cold or not. Millions of dollars were spent for a device called a "Wachipe". This device figured out the energy in an atom of Oxygen and used several sensors and motors to conclude if it was cold or non. However; The Wachipe was not very cost effective as you see it burned 5 gallons of gas a minute and used a Mercuric tank to hols and store the sensing equipment. My former friend, Mr. Thomas Zinksky accidentally spilled the mercuric tank ruining millions of dollars of equipment. We have been trying ever since then to try and make the Wachipe and make it more cost effective. Thens of years went by without any result, but you sir have just solved the problem. You have saved this company milluions of dollars with your intellegent and outstanding thesis. Thank you.
I like saving it until I have a few gallons so I can poor it in my bathtub and pretend to be a noodle.
A story from when I was 6:
Once their (there) was a girl who wanted to spill her chocolate milk on her bed. Insed (Instead) of her bed, she spilled in on her head. Her head spilled it on her nose. Her nose spilled it on her cat. Then the cat spilled it on her bed. The End.
Not to be sassy... But this might be the most self-explanatory post in the history of the internet.
I don't just imagine. I use a penis as a toothbrush.