+187Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming
+152My favourite word is 'apparently'. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He's intelligent, apparently.
+267It's funny how the only thing preventing world peace is the one species that wants to achieve it, amirite?
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+125Video games are really fun. Until you get to that one level then they're god awful PIECES OF SHIT THAT NEED TO FUCKING DIE IN HELL AND WASTE SOMEONE ELSES TIME AND WHY DO I WASTE MONEY ON THIS SHIT FUCK EVERYTHING! amirite,
+115Language text books need more realistic and entertaining examples like "Your family is sickeningly rich and just hired a new maid. Use your vocab to tell consuela where everything belongs. Be sure use an extra rude tone!" or "You're a drug addict and hankering for a cocaine fix. Unfortunately, your dealer gave directions to the pick-up spot in Spanish. Can you translate them and get your drugs before you go into withdrawals?"
+113My love is like a candle, because if you forget about about me I will burn your fucking house to the ground.
+336It's ridiculous that there are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up, amirite?