How to get over your fear of the dark: As soon as you turn the lights off, start masturbating. No monster wants to see that shit. While doing it, stare at the corner and whisper, tenderly, “this is for you”, amirite?

I feel like I owe you money or something for this superb-quality post...

Anonymous +102Reply
Lost hikers: "I WHIP MY FLARE BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY FLARE BACK AND FORTH..." Horses: "I WHIP MY MARE BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY MARE BACK AND FORTH..." Douchebags: "I WHIP MY PAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY PAIR BACK AND FORTH..." People could have more fun with this than they had with the opening line of Dynamite, amirite?

Hogwarts: I WHIP MY STAIRS BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY STAIRS BACK AND FORTH

In Flo Rida's song 'Low', he states that Shawty is wearing Apple Bottom jeans, the boots with the fur AND the Reeboks with the straps.. WHAT IS SHE, SOME KIND OF FOUR-LEGGED MORPH WOMAN? In all honesty, I'm not surprised the whole club is looking at her. amirite?
@Etherial "He states that Shawty is wearing the apple bottom jeans, the boots with the fur AND the Reeboks with the straps...

@940361 (Etherial): Wanna know whats creepy... The fact that goldfish only have a memory of 5 seconds.

We all have that friend who defies his or her racial stereotypes, amirite?

it's true! I have this friend who's a ginger and he actually talks without our permission.

How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to each take 200 photos of the event for facebook, clog up your news feed, and later on edit the pictures to black and white, amirite?
@I'm blonde and refuse to be affiliated in anyway with those girls.

"affiliated," that's a pretty big word for your type, eh blondie?

Anonymous +206Reply
How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to each take 200 photos of the event for facebook, clog up your news feed, and later on edit the pictures to black and white, amirite?

And then they name the album "*cHangIng lighTbUlbs w MAh gurLS **<3 <3 <3

I like turtles because they're so chill. They don't hurt anyone. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle." amirite?
I like turtles because they're so chill. They don't hurt anyone. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle." amirite?

On the first day of kindergarten, I saw this kid and thought he looked like a turtle.

It's only been a month, but it's pretty clear 2011 will be a good year for music, amirite?
@TheShamWowGuy If Kesha opens her mouth one more time i plan on shoving a cucumber down her throat. She will just spend her time...

Only a cucumber? Meh. She'll be used to that kind of thing being shoved down her throat. Go for something bigger, like a giraffe.

Or a baby seal.

My first word should have been "quote", so that right before I die I could say "end-quote", amirite?
Anonymous +176Reply
Paint colors have the weirdest names sometimes. "Yeah, I think I'm gonna paint my room 'Moroccan Seahorse' with 'Cloudburst Fantasy' trim. And, I think 'Dragon Saliva' would look good in the kitchen, too.", amirite?

Morocco is in Africa, and in the desert region. That seahorse must be very lost.

It's annoying when people make two statements in a post and you only agree with one of them so you don't know how to vote. Also murder should be legal, amirite?
The saddest thing about Taylor Swift's latest breakup is that so few things rhyme with Gyllenhaal...amirite?
@Tallglassofwater But "Jake?" Oh boy, she's going to have a field day with that one!

Jake, Jake, my dear Jake
I want to stab you with a rake
And dump your body in a lake
Or bake it in a birthday cake
I hope you get bitten by a snake
Your empty promises were so fake
You really made my poor heart ache.

In the sims, its fun to invite your neighbors over for a nice dinner then, as they are leaving, trap them in a box for a week or so. amirite?

I used to be just plain awful at The Sims 1 until I began using cheat codes. One time, I made a family of poindexters, the youngest child of which was named Kurt. Kurt, an annoying boy who constantly wore a birthday hat, got on my nerves to the point where I decided there was no other humane option than to kill him in the most gruesome way possible. First, I built a small swimming pool, locked him inside of it without a ladder, and left him there. He swam all night long, and when the school bus came the next day, Kurt miraculously overcame the boundaries and hopped right on out of the pool. After this failed attempt and my inability to slap Kurt in his birthday hat wearing, glasses covered face, I decided to lock him in a two square foot room with a plate of cookies and await his impending doom. Kurt stood there crying, passing out, and perpetually wetting himself for seven days, completely ignoring his plate of cookies. He then walked out unharmed.